Rappers are Comedians
by Rappers come up with the funniest lines. Shall I proceed? YES INDEED!
Here are some of my favorites:
So we can steam on the way to the telly, go fill my belly
A T-bone steak, cheese eggs, and Welches grape
At my arraignment, note for the plantiff
Your daughter's tied up in a Brooklyn basement
Face it, not guilty, that's how I stay filthy
Richer than Richie until you's come and get me
Out on bail, fresh outta jail-California dreamin'
Soon as I stepped on the scene, I'm hearin hoochies screamin'
See, they get tight when you worth some millions
This is why I sport the chinchilla to hurt they feelin's
You kinda thick girl, let's get down
How dare you ever try to step on my suede shoes
Top Gun shut down your Firm like Tom Cruise
(this one's for Ty)
I wish I was little bit taller,
I wish I was a baller,
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a six four Impala
She got a light skinned friend look like Michael Jackson
Got a dark skinned friend look like Michael Jackson
Oh no, what do we do?
Don't look now but I lost my shoe!
Ok, it's extremely hard to sit down and remember them all so help me out! When I think of more I'll post 'em.
AI Summary
91 Comments
im a hustler
i sell salt to a slug
No way! I was just gonna post that! You beat me haha
hey...we think alike!
like chinchilla in bad weather
i been good, but been better
now for all raps containing chinchilla:
killer wit the beat, i know killers in the street
with the steel thatll make you feel like chinchilla in the heat
can my husband be any cuter than he is in that video?
gram doesnt watch videos. hence, i have not seen it.
Dude, she'd have a heart attack!
i sneak in the other room to watch my top model but she doesnt like it.
so dumb its funny:
i eat filet mignon and im really young
best believe that im number one
Big chips! I can't take this
The way you move so slow like Matrix
blue waters, yellow sand, uh
either im (edit) or i think i just saw a dolphin
a lotta MC's today really know how to please
but I gave birth to most of them MC's
so when it comes around to the month of May
send me your royalty check for Mother's Day
a yo, i never been in love
but everytime i'm burstin' in an out of state it's shorty that i'm thinkin of
been together for weeks
candlight dinner with my shorty , crack a fotie with my naughty freeks.
"crack a forty with my naughty freeks" that is classy!
THAT is sexy...
I wish today was monday
so i can get a cheeseburger for
29 cent! at mcdonalds, baby!
Ohh girl, your breath is HARSH!
cover your mouth up like you got SARS
and i rode a plane
juvi, every single line = halarious
how i address the haters and under estimaters
and ride up on them like they escalators
they shook up and hooked up to respirators
on they last breath talking to investigators
that song is INTENSE!
Innnnnn...
west philadelphia
born and raised
on the playground is where I spent most of my days
chillin' out maxin' and relaxin' all cool
shootin' some b-ball outside of the school
when a couple of guys that were up to no good
started makin' trouble in my neighborhood
i got in one lil fight and my mom got scared
she said "You're movin' wit your auntie and uncle in Bel Aire!"
(One) day when I was chillin' in Kentucky Fried Chicken
Just mindin' my business, eatin' food and finger lickin'
This dude walked in lookin' strange and kind of funny
Went up to the front with a menu and his money
He didn't walk straight, kind of side to side
He asked this old lady, "Yo, yo, um...is this Kentucky Fried?"
The lady said "Yeah", smiled and he smiled back
He gave a quarter and his order, small fries, Big Mac!
You be illin'
i need a sista
cant resist her
red beans and rice didnt miss her
HAHA one of the best songs to dance to
the streets arent; that funny but the fact that they are british makes everythign they say hilarious
i excell in both content and deliverance
so lets put on our classics
and we'll have a little dance, shall we?
See I reckon you're about an 8 or a 9
maybe even 9 and a half in four beers time.
...
...
I'm not trying to pull you
even though I would like to
I think you are really fit
you're fit, but my gosh don't you know it.
yeah, its totally Mike Skinner's delivery.
I tried to ignore him and talk to the Lord
Pray for him, cause some fools just love to perform
You know the type, loud as a motor bike
But wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight
Why they let the terminator win the election?
Come on, pay attention
First (edit) with a Benz and a backpack
Ice chain, Cardi lens, and a knapsack
Always said if I rapped
I'd say somethin' significant
But now I'm rappin' 'bout money, girls, and rims again
And it's still about the Benjamins
everytime your name was brought up
i would act all nonchalant in front of an audience
like if you was just another shorty i put the naughty on
but truth be told you do me for a loop this hov
OMG I just heard this today and was totally gonna post that!
that put the naughty on line is the best!
I know, I love it!
drop then let me see ya bring it back up top
she hot like a boiling pot
on the stove like whoa here we go
she got a gold tooth
you know she's hard core
she'll show you a good time
then she'll show you the door
ooo! oo! Who spits that?
beastie boys!
she's crafty, and she's just my type!
like most men
i'd love to catch up wit a model
but i ain't used to movin slow
like ketchup in a bottle
you sure know how to make a man say o
and how in the world can a man say no
i love fabolous!
its eithier cause their boyfriend is a scrub like brillo
or cuz banks is cooler than the other side of the pillow
the low pro ho will be cut like an afro
ok, peoples--most of these rap lines are cute, but NOT FUNNY. lets stay focused.
whats funny is when your a female and guys say these things to you as compliments and expect to get a postive response. yesterday i overheard one coworker tell another: get your girl, tell her to bring some henny and well do the d*n thing. i felt like saying: somebody told you wrong. that doesnt work unless your famous.
i like em short and tall but not too thick
i walk in the spot and take my pick
they wanna roll bc they like my style
and when i pop my collar i make them smile
I need a lady on the streets
But a freak in the sheets
That know how to cook
Cuz a (edit) like to eat
Spaghetti, shrimp and steak
And I'll adore you
I'll treat you like milk
I'll do nothin' to spoil you
I don't do too many skinny or the runway frail
Thick with it is how we like it in the ATL
Sick with it, pants low with a real wide load
As soon as you hit the door everybody was like whoa
I bet it's hard for you to go to the mall and buy clothes
Cause your waist is so little and that (edit) is like whoa
pants low with a real wide load
that is soooo wrong
You think you bad but you ain't bad
I'll show you what bad is
Bad is when you capable of beatin' the baddest
I been workin' at it ever since I came to this planet
And I ain't quite there yet but I'm gettin' better at it
Matter of fact,
Lemme tell it to you one mo' again
All I got to do is tell a girl who I am (Petey!)
Ain't no chick in here that I can't have
Bada boom bada bam ba bam!
Bada boom bada bam ba bam!
so nasty this guy but this is the best line!!!
I LOVE IT! What the heck was he thinking?? Hahaha
This is my favorite song right now...the beat is ouch! HOT.
who me a tease brutha please
you just havin bad memories
about some skeez who did the sleaze
had you on yo hands and knees...look
i am tell you straight out
thats not what i'm all about
edit is fat, frame is little
tattoo on your chest with his name in the middle
im not a hater i just crush a lot
and the way you shake your booty i dont want you to stop
you need to come a little closer
and let me put you, under my arms like a don is supposed ta
...
yo i stroll in the club with my hat down
michael jack style, hot steppin who the mack now?
not my fault cause they love the kid
might be the chain or the whip, i dont know what it is
Please believe you leave wit me
we be freakin' all night like we was on E (Whoops, drug ref!)
whoops is right...its too early for that.
if youre a fly gal, get your nails done
get a pedicure, get your hair did
boy lift it up, lets make a toast-ah
lets get drunk, its gon bring us clos-ah
dont i look like a halle berry post-ah?
see dem belvedere playin tricks on ya
Your secrets still kept
Never let em see you sweat
gotta love nelly
gotta pole in the basement
what?
I'm just kiddin' like Jason
Oh
..unless you gon' do it!
its gettin hot in herre....
did you hear the nelly ft. tim mcgraw...so weird. and im tired of that eagle on song.
no, is it good? i saw he and christina aguilera on the awards doing their duet. I liked it (even though i don't like her)
the eagle on song is overplayed and it's nasty
I was tired of that song the second i heard it. and what? do you just say tim mcgraw??? and he just did a collab with aguilera too..I like it, very 70's disco funk
this is a great line though:
her attractiveness, got me attackin this
oh so fabulous! gluteus maximus!
sooo funny!
Haha that's messed up
this isn't rap but I'm diggin' Usher's "Caught up" He says:
Her body was so tight!
I'm lookin for her in the daytime wit a black light!
ok this is a hook from a rap does it count?
we out in vegas partying
we got chicks in swimsuits modeling
dip it low
somethingmagical
i like how he rhymes partying with modeling and low with magical. it clearly doesnt rhyme, but r kelly makes it work.
R. can make anything work, even though he admited he can't read very well, he's very musically, lyrically, and melodically inclined. I tried to dislike him but I can't!
me too. i failed at r kelly hatin. right now i love so sexy with twista but the big chips with jay z is growing on me.
you're so seXy, perfect for me But did you notice the crazy line in the chorus, COMPLETELY unneccessary.
ahem...yes, that line must be intended for married ppl. actually one thing i noticed is that philly radio doesnt edit songs as cleanly as ny radio. for example: i was very surprised to hear what move get out the way was missing.
YES! when I was lookin up the lyrics today I was like...whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
its like b- and n- all over the radio here. that gets edited on ny radio. i wonder if they get away with it bc its a "smaller" market and doesnt get as much attn from sensors. anyway, its disappointing bc some songs i didnt realize what the lyrics actually were.
sensors! censors!
english sure is confusing and ive only be speaking it my whole life. thanks for the help!
sen·sor n. A device, such as a photoelectric cell, that receives and responds to a signal or stimulus.
cen·sor n. A person authorized to examine books, films, or other material and to remove or suppress what is considered morally, politically, or otherwise objectionable.
Watch out for the medallion my diamonds are wreckless
Feels like a MIDGET is hanging from my neckless
I pulled up wit a million trucks
Lookin, smellin, feelin like a million bucks-ahh!
i was trying to find an ezabel friendly luda rhyme. thats a great one!
Yea, it was hard! hahaha
cmon! we gon party tonight
yall use mouth to mouth bring the party to life
dont be scurred, show another part of your life
the more drinks in your system the harder to fight!
any time capacity was filled, try to rock it
any time a honey gave us play, tried to knock it
never was fool, so we finished school
never see us sweat, and you'll never see us drool
out to rock the globe while it's still here to rock
don't punch girls, and we don't punch a clock
gotta go, gotta go, see you later by the cat
and you can't beat that with a bat
makin love, dookie sweet then he fallin asleep
you on the phone wit your old peeps dyin' to creep 'tween my sheets
dookie sweet? i guess that means something other than what i thought...
i love you like a fat kid love cake
Haha, who says that one?
50 cent
YES! 21 questions! Last summer when I was in England that song had just come out, incidentally my friends over there LOVE hip hop, and I remember us all singin that song in the car :)
Rivers is not a rapper.
LOL He tried... :/