The Never Ending Rap

what's up fools? i think ya'll should know
i got more gas than macy gray's got fro
I'm the rectal rain man
I'm the dutch oven master
rrrrippin off solos on my ayn stratocaster
Fumigating your residence with my flatulent prose
I'm armed and dayngerous
dealin out death blows
I eat beans, and broccoli, and assorted deli meats,
and five minutes later, we got some block rockin' beats
it's the noxious nectar that sends fools runnin for the streets
i hail from skidmark city, and I drop it like it's hot
And i'll rock this place like it was my personal johnny on the spot

I watched something last week on a method that some of us might be using in here and not even realize...slam poetry. I was blown away by a lot of the artist that I heard perform, slam is an incredibly dynamic way of expressing oneself.

I was actually inspired to write but, it could be very similar to rap so I though it more fitting to go in here.

Inspired Dayze

Suppose I tell you the whole truth?
What if it's nothing new to you?

First thing in the A M I remember who I am
Though through the night I stirred confused even dismayed
Eyes wide open and now awake, I am inspired yet in a dayze

Still intrigued in many ways, but the guard goes up now, this aint a game
It's about survival, which I know best,through the longest trial bottomless void of emptiness

Rose colored glasses, used to like to wear, they were a comfort though false, a snare
Many lessons later still moving along, they tell me I'm something, they tell me I'm strong

It's not robotic this method of mine, I learn, I adapt, and even change my ways
Life has been a thrill ride just passing through this inspired dayze

yo jp come place your bets
cause you are about as successful as the new jersey nets

what's happened to kids these days?

parents keep given them more excuses
but the sad truth is that your kids are just stupid
take them to the doctor for an explanation
A.D.D.'s the new word for mental retadation
invent new disorders as a cover up excuse
but when you put two rats in a cage, they're gonna reproduce
there's not much you can do, it is what it is
idiot adults will make more idiot kids

i was talking to this kid in one of my classes and he was tellin me of all the drugs he does with his friends, and you can just tell that it has ruined his life...

got my mind on the fotie that i just chugged
got my hand on my gut where i just got plugged
got my eye on the ground cause it's covered with the blood
of my foes and my brothas, but that's just life in tha hood.

too many thoughts in my mind
and they so hard to define
explain it? im'm tryin
but i just got one more line

my pen's drippin
strips of my soul
ripped out and spittin
out my thoughts that are buildin
up to much now to be written
but the pieces aint fittin
laid out on the ground now im sittin
in my misery im quittin
and my mistakes are mine
explain it? im tryin
but i got just one more line

my hands shakin
spillin liquid
glass breakin
the hand of the man
sellin me the achin
and all my troubles
in a bag that im takin
killin me slow
like a death blow
im awaken
to the sound of the statesman
makin promises breakin em
foolin an fakin
not care'n bout my state'n
im rantin now
pantin out breath, thought and speech
happiness out of reach
speakin in tongues
as i wander the streets
seein what were once people dyin
feelin bad for not cryin
searchin for a sign
but there's none to find
s'like someone just emptied my mind
explain it? im dyin
searchin for a line
there's always one more
always one more line.

everybody's rappin like it's a commercial
actin' like life is a big commercial...

I said a hip, hop
a hibbit a hibby hibby
hip hip hop and you don't stop the rock
until th....crap I think that might be taken.
Uhhh I always do this
I'll wright them down on my wrist while taken a...ah ah ah ahh whoaaa!
I aint swearin But I am tearin these nasty rhymes look at the time!!

rap music is the devilllll!!!!

heres one ive been working on for a while. alex gave me a good idea to freestyle rap in my car while driving...its good cuz you can come up with some fun stuff and nobody has to hear you screw up. the trouble is remembering it when you get home. i dont know if anyone knows that song with punjabi mc and jay-z, but i think that beat is pretty sick, i kind of envision this song going along with that beat.

yo i'm, mad fly in my patchwork pants
chick walks in and i snatch her glance
imma, rap mogul, that the rap girls ogle
keep these rappers on a diet like they rap's jared fogle
yeah i'm M, C of the century, hip-heaven was sent with me
it worries me when sucka MC's go venturing
into the world, where cash is hurled
bet a dime its not their rhymin skills that get them girls
imma, shine for em, intertwine rhymes on em
bump my game to NFL, i put the combine on em
achieve new heights, i run a 4.3 forty
i wont leave here tonight without a 5'3" shorty, yo,
fools judge me, but they're usually erroneous
flow so smooth, i'm confused with thelonious
monk, as a i spelunk through the caverns of funk
i'm like drain-o, i'm known to eliminate gunk
you punks sit, while i slip some lip on your chick
leave fools lit, from the hot fire i spit
i'm a hit, the women stick to me like suction
i drop bombs, but only of mass destruction
my induction to the rap hall of fame will proceed
as i battle from the saddle of my verbal steed
i'm the master MC plantin verbal seeds
yo, son, test me and get yourself CB'ed
man, i just slaughtered your game, but no one's paying homage
and i knocked your lights out, fool, you're livin like the amish
feel bomb-ish and like T.O, i'm dancin on stars
my hooks fly, similar to abdul-jabbar's
i accept cards, but usually i don't charge
for the whipping i give you over a series of bars
i'm hip-hop SARS, cuz i slay when i spit
and leave rap wires so suckas will trip
hey son, those big rap clothes don't fit!
let's go to kay-bee, get you the baby MC kit
i'm a hit with the ladies, like king solomon
as soon as i'm done with one, another starts hollerin'
yo, this girls in my space and i'd like to chase for her
she's got smooth talk and a pretty face on her
her man eyes me up, i build a case on him
long arm of the law, i might have to tayshaun him,
imma, prince of the game and a hip hop slayer
launch your heart into attacks, im the anti-bayer
imma, say her name and she'll come right to me
fit the ladies in the bimmer cuz you know it's right roomy
i got my rhyme scheme that's known to befuddle
cuz you know my rhyme scheme is infallible
i wanna, double the chicks under my armpits
now quick, better get out my mack packet
stay alive like bee gee, all week T.G.
I. it's fri, and i'm F-L-Y
apologize for droppin rhymes that made your raps die
but, for you haters, i'm known to bring the pain supply
the flames go high and higher as i deliver my fire
son, i'm the rap squire, don't mess with the prestons
i export game like john wayne exports westerns
yo, you're a mess to go to bat with a lineup like that
why you mumble it out, cuz your flow is so wack
fool, plead no contest, you should just be quittin' it
my game's so smooth, i don't realize i'm spittin it
i don't drop single rhymes, they only come in conglomerates
known to kill cereal, like jeffrey dahmer, it's
silly to think how fast i go through a box
of MC krispies, they snap crackle and pop
i'm like college, the way i'm puttin fools through school
my rhyme knowledge, drops immediately like family jewels
cool, as i am, you're like the verbal o'douls
in short, you lack punch to leave kids staggerin'
i got a hook that cuts and rhymes that are daggerin'

thats where i conclude for now. still a work in progress.

step up or step aside
i take it all in stride
im rippin' into you like a thorn in your side
i just keep my cool, and bury my pride
cause i been put to the test and been found true when tried.

step up or step down
i come to overthrow the crown
to burn that bridge and all that's standin' down
i ravage like a savage all that's left to be be found
beatin' and defeatin' wit my warrior sound.

it's time to step up, and it's time to bear witness
to either get out or get down with the sickness
i chose not to lose, bt to conquer with quickness
im air tight and fool proof, now try to trick this

i wrote a rap to put on my voicemail about a year ago, but it was too long and hard to get it to sound good on the phone. so i figured id share it with you. it's an old school rap style, think over a beastie boys licenced to ill beat, no sleep till brooklyn or something.

When I don’t pick up the phone, you get my voice mail
I’m a little hard of hearing so don’t let your voice trail
If you don’t wanna hear this then just press the star key
But if you do I punish you like Charles Barkley
My phone has a clock so the time I can check
And I roll like flava flav and wear the phone around my neck
If you got something to say, man just tell me
Or better yet leave a message for me on my LG
But don’t expect a call back if you don’t got Verizon
Outta network punks like you my bill is supersizin
My contacts list stretches from here to Flanders
Got more crazy broads talking to me than Ann Landers
Phone company knows I’m not the average consumer
I talk so much at twenty-two I’ll have a brain tumor
Don’t even think of callin less you got full battery
I talk to ladies fans for hours cuz I’m good at flattery
Call me any time when I’m rollin in the city, yo
I hit you with a call or a fifteen second video
Ain't payin two bucks for some ring, you trippin?
I'm like the Jesse James of tones, off the 'puter i rip em
Cuz the law can't stop me, I got no fear
I roll past cops with my phone on my ear
Gotta shut off the ringer when I doze
My phone gets more hits than Pete Rose
If I don't wanna call, I'll just leave you a text
Fingers move so fast, leave onlookers perplexed
If talking built up muscles I would be really ripped
But since I talk so much then you could say I’m really lipped
I’m not pickin up the phone cuz my phone bill’s peakened
So I call you back later on the free nights and weekends!

so guys i've heard that some people who think they're thugs have been hating on us. so i wrote a letter to all the wack mcs!!

hold up the ryhmes and stop the commotion,
what's all this frontin and self promotion?
everyone thinking that they're the best
well if you're gonna come then you just better come correct
cuz all too many times
does one dabble in ryhmes
thinking that they're fresh
and tryin to drop lines
but there's no need to self promote
just go on back and read what you wrote
does it bite? no not really
does it flow? no it don't
but my licks are like mind tricks that turn fools to stone
i'm sprinting and dashing like you're all in slow-mo
while you stress to impress with inarticulate prose
So don't tell me stories about all of your glory
cuz your flow is faux
and that's the real story.

i hope you guys arent offended by rapping about spiritual stuff like field service and making car groups and stuff. i have a few raps, based on actual pretty cheesy rap songs, about service and stuff. i wrote one in school one day, and showed it to a few people, and they loved it, so i made 2 more. You have to listen to the actual song while reading the lyrics. i can post them if you want :)

i'm about to lay down a thrashin
looks so trashed you'll be catchin
last light glympse through eyelids battin
got a stone wit ya name all scratched in.

makin it to the top, climbin one by one,
every match I make, I always outrun,
no need to compete, cause I flow like gatling gun.
step in my way, and you'll be done, son,

don't hold me up, cause I'm already down
let's give to em straight, drop the beat now

raking cash in cause I'M in fashion
kids look in at me, like they want a ration,
but, listen kid, I'm with out compasion,
step out my way, 'fore you need evacuation.

...thats all I got so far.

i dont know where this came from...

dont make the the mistake
and underestimate
you think you bad, fool
but you came to late
there aint no time to hesitate

you just had to open up your mouth
didn't realize how fast i would send you south
you just got dropped
so fast your ear drums popped
they gonna have to get you mopped up
off the floor
all because you opened up the door
that led to my fury
my vision went blurry
like a beast uncaged
and enraged
ain't nothin' that could cure me
of this buring
you got my wheels turning
there's a fire inside me
and it's been stoked
you fed my fire and then you got smoked

i guess i dont look so small no more
i look huge when you lookin up at me from th'floor
no longer do you berate me
all you can do is sit there and hate me
but you can't escape me

you didn't even see me coming
if you did you would be running
for sure
because you know your weak to the core
your a coward that just got layed out on the floor
your knees and voice are shakin
and now the earth's quakin
now that im about to cook you like a pound bacon

you're to scared to make a move
but you got so much to prove
too bad your toughness was just a ruse
affected, artificial, bogus, fabricated
fictitious, make-believe, phony, simulated.
if you weren't so scared you would have retaliated.
your like a dog with no bite
all bark and no fight
i hit you so hard with a left
you're beggin for a right

next time
don't look at my size
instead see the hate in my eyes
you went and got my anger on the rize
and your about to meet your demise
fool
once my fury is set on track
a seven nation army couldn't hold me back
its a fact
but you wish you could retract
your words
but it's to late
it's a wrap
i just sent you to another part of the map

this kinda popped into my head today. kinda inspired by busta rhymes and gnarls. lookin' over it now -- it sucks and it's lyrically and structurally asymmetrical, but hey, it was fun and i thought i'd share. i wanna see some more rappin'

sleep walkin'

[read quickly]

when you see me perform
s'like chlor'form on newborns
sleepy rhymes contr'dict the artform
s'got the girls fallin' like acorns

i play through like arnold palmer
because you know no ones calmer
sealin' deals like'n embalmer
drippin' a track quick to calm her

[slower]

lyrics like flames in slow motion
when i bottle rhymes like love potion
that'll irritate the commotion
but improve your soothe like a lotion

[hook]

when you're sleepin' i know you're dreamin' of me, when you're comin' i know you're runnin' girl gunnin' for me, i got you sleep walkin' sleep talkin' to me, cuz the beat's so mellow that you're fallin' asleep.

look into these eyes of mine, and try to find
the pain that plagues me deep in the mind
No where to run, no one left to confide
is there anyone I can find to sympathize?

I'm on a one way trip, first stop, is self-pity,
I'm the only passenger going to this lonely city,
I've tried to find some who say they agree,
but i'm all alone bustin out this gay diddy.

I'm left all alone, frustrated, and empty,
time leave this city, lock the door, throw away the key.
gotta move along, next stop is self-hatred,
I'm the only one with a problem, yes, I'll face it.

I've battled this bout before, but never lost so sure,
gotta figure this out, before I'm left completely impure,
You may doubt that I've got it bad, and you may be right,
but you don't know how little heart i've got left to fight.

Losing it, no them, the battle and my mind,
This is a losing battle, I know that from hind-sight,
Empty, tired, and cold, I'm left on the floor.
shell shocked, frustrated, and worse than before

look into these eyes of mine, and try to find
the pain that plagues me deep in the mind
No where to run, no one left to confide
is there anyone I can find to sympathize?

This is one I made up in class one day, and rather than be a celebrity complaining about too much fan attention, I'm an ordinary guy complaining about too much attention from certain female celebrities. Think of the voice rapping to this as having a kind of heavy, like-eastern European accent, mixed with kind of a lecherous, womanizing, drunk voice singing. So, basically, my voice. Hope you enjoy...

(chorus)
Every place I go I see
Famous people get with me
Every night celebrity
Try to score a date with me

All the time the female star
Try to get me in her car
I remember Gwen Stefani
Try to be my baby's mommy
But there was no doubt about it
Cuz I left her and she shouted
Up to me came Ms. Duff, Hillary
She is blonde with nice artillery
To my car Anna Kournikova
I backed her up and runned her over
And one time Amanda Bynes
Come to me with pick up lines
But I said you do not fit me
Cuz I'm going out with Britney
Red Sox try cuz they are gayfers
Break their face just like thin wafers

(chorus)

Other night I see Beyonce
Look to me for some romance-y
Talk show hosts like big Rosie
Get out of here, don't get cozy
Gorgeous Jennie Finch play softball
Then I play her with my phone call
Whats your sign say Rebecca Stamos
Pick up lines like that are lame-o's
Then I saw Christina Ricci
Would you go with me to beachy?
Who asked me out is Alba Jessica
I said yes but just to mess with her
Once went out with Jennifer Lopez
Dumped her right up off my moped
Then broke heart of Lindsay Lohan
She was so mad her punch broke both hands
Angie Harmon came to me so forlorn-er
But I say your husband needs help at corner
Then up to me come Ashanti
But I tell her I no wanty

(chorus)

Hit on me does Paris Hilton
But I tell her you are too thin
Then that girl from Rush Hour 2
Went out with her and so should you
Then I met up with Graham Heather
Skin is soft and smooth like leather
Jessica Simpson came to me
Then I give her chicken of sea
Anna Benson came in my kitchen
When her husband Kris was pitchin'
Came along with Angelina Jolie
Shot both in face with guacamole
Date me says Ms. Aguilera
But you wear too much mascara
All famous girlies, I am trouble
I cast you aside like rubble

(chorus)

Mind, wind, blind define (the-fine) image,
pillage the village, taking women and chillen,
breakin the men, makin dust of them, killin
for money 'n honeys, bustin buildings and stealin
making millions 'n trillions with my ten loyal men
beside me, breaking free from the cage that binds me
rampaging and disintegrating, overtaking and obliterating
you just can't see, inside of me, believe.

I used to have babies in my belly
Until they got really smelly
So i took all this jelly
and smeared it on a girl named kelly

Back wit my own spin on harsh realities,

Get rejected despite whatevah reality be!

Don't trip you aint NO prize,

Don't trip YOU aint caught my eye!

You're a bit too sure, like to tell me why?

Fools like you, I can't help but smile.

Truth? You nevah knew it,

I was Reachin' out and y'all blew it!

N'tryna take your crew,

N'aint e'n tryna be like you

It's true

I'm through

Been wrong for the last time

F-get talk 'bout why, why, why

I'll just move on, won't see y'all

I'll just move on, and that will be ALL

Your imagination's crazy, I'll give ya a hand.

Why would I want YOU, when I could have twice the man?

It's Whack, it's split, it's sad I'll admit but... it aint Snobs fault and that is it!

I don't need you in my life-- to live it,
Ima tell it to you plain-- so you get it,
don't think it hurt,
you don't deserve
that much merit,

(keep it going)

It's the O S for sure
How ya gonna ask for more?
Let me spin it like it is
No, you don't want none of this
Look out 'cause I be stepin high, call it as I see it that's how I get by
What's wrong with you... got nothing better to do?
Man I don't want you!

Don't get it twisted I haven't been missin'...Just do what I do
Been flyin solo so long like it just fine, don't worry 'bout me
Lookin wrecked cause I put 'cha down
Man don't sweat it like it's profound!

Hit 'cha like rough times, got to ya wit my rhymes
Two steps behind that's slow even for your kind
Had to blow it up, let you know what's what

Face like a victim, thought you got robbed
'Splained it to the cops said "Nah I got Snobbed"
Got a description of the perpetrator? said "nah, but I hate her"

The Snob aint no heart breaker, sure got her way
Just don't twist it up, have her go craz-ay
Man you wanna lie...do it on the floor
I just stand for the truth, don't ask don't want nothin more

It's the O S for sure
How ya gonna ask for more?
Let me spin it like it is.
No, you don't want none of this
The O is for Original, so you best step back
S is for the Snob 'cause she got it like that!

Hey this empire gots no stone
droppin the beltway on the throne
rip it out serious like Al Capone
Castanza got Steinbrenners calzone.

Here is my final song here...set the chorus and beat to the Beastie Boys' "Skills to Pay The Bills"

(chorus...I got the skills to pay the bills...)
Look on your porch, and who do ya see
I'm tall, I'm lanky, and a dope MC
I'll bust down the door don't gimme a key
it's the funky rhymin flowin from the mouth of jp
I spit my raps like a young B.I.G.
Eminem, Tupac and my man Mike D
Like Snoop Dogg blowin up the hizz-ee
I'm the hottest rapper representin' Long Vall-ey.
I worked for fame, wasn't born with skill
As a youngin I practiced with Licenced to Ill
Now with all my raps you'll get your fill
I'll uproot you with my verbal Roto-Till.
You wanna test me? Put on your cape
Cuz Superman the only dude I can't take
Just throw on my record for your own sake
Or I'll school you like the And-One mix tape.

(chorus)

Now heres a message to all you phonys
I bring you the cheese like macaroni
I just played you like a PS2 Sony
I get the gold like Mike Eruzione.
I have to kick you off my island
Cuz with wack rhymin you ain't stylin'
And my number you'll be dialin'
Cuz my voice is so beguilin'.
I pop lame MCs like a balloon
Like Bob Probert, I'm a goon
You sucka MCs can't hold a tune
I walk you off like Aaron Boone.
I eat you up like Panda Express
My money and skills are in excess
Start with me and you transgress
I'll spit you out like water cress.

(chorus)

Now every day I rock the mike
All the fly ladies, it's me they still like
Stop your baulin and cryin, wee little tyke
I think you just smoked me (What?) Psych!
I don't hafta take drugs like Kurt Cobain
In order to reach this plateau of fame
In fact from all substances please refrain
Cuz you get a natural high when I entertain.
So if moisture is the essence of wet-ness
And of beauty wetness is the ess-ence
You must be beautiful all the time
Cuz you wet yourself when you hear my rhyme.
Now all you kids who think you're all that
With ya popped collar and your trucker hat
You ain't slick as me, I'm as cool as a cat
And I don't need to wear FUBU to prove that I rap.
Now you know MC means mic controlla
But you baby MC's I push in a strolla
While rappers make dough endorsing coca-cola
I don't need commercials to make me a high rolla.
All you wannabe rappers lookin at your timberlands
And droning on about your house on the sand
I'm just here to make you understand
Exploiting women doesn't make you a man.
So I can tell all you doin' is hat-ing
But I can't hear what you communicat-ing
But like the Red Sox you'll keep on wait-ing
You haven't won nothin since nineteen eight-een.

(chorus)

This microphones explodes
I'm breaking through the holes
I got shells to take souls
Configuration brought out of Baghdad
I drop a 9 to fire it
The pigs and the bulls desire it
but ever hear Congress never wires it?
So you walk across the childs wall
hear him in the battle call
till someone empties till he falls
Regardless 12 year old statistic
and all the suits i found your weakness
its right in front of your witness
but your moneys got him speechless
Corporation monopoly in a foreign land
to pay the man less who has no hands
derive a child off the witness stand
Pull a plug out the speaker box
so your information can be locked
even though theres a child knocked
As you draw out of Baghdad
Here comes the witness
Here comes the crowd
To make their voices heard
Though you won't allow
Here comes the witness
Here comes the crowd
To make their voices heard
Though you won't allow
Here comes the witness
Here comes the crowd
To make their voices heard
Though you won't allow
Here comes the witness
Here comes the crowd
To make their voices heard
Though you won't allow
Now the oil field you consume
To make another boy meet his doom
See a man that will never bloom
Buy this to make your car go fast
cause we're running out of gas
nevermind whats in the past
its all about the future now
moving forward with corrupt power
ignorance rules the final hour
to rob the man off his knees
to call a widows name to the seas
so she a fetches salt to please
With this you can get rich quick
Kill a few heads isn't sick
Its just biz isn't it?
As you draw out of Baghdad
Here comes the witness
Here comes the crowd
To make their voices heard
Though you won't allow
Here comes the witness
Here comes the crowd
To make their voices heard
Though you won't allow
Here comes the witness
Here comes the crowd
To make their voices heard
Though you won't allow
Here comes the witness
Here comes the crowd
To make their voices heard
Though you won't allow

went from a chevy to a benz
bein' alone--to havin' freinds
your face in a sniper lens
killin' competition on weekends

desks and cubes are for those that settle
i put away business and pack gun metal
corporate ladders are for workers
and greedy lying business lurkers

i'm in the sun on an island
my face cooled by tahitian wind
my fam'ly and bros i defend
anyone steppin' up? i'll win

seems I've been wrong all along,
we got dope mc's, laying it down strong,
they can rap by my side at any time,
top of the charts you know we'll climb,
Could have done it on my own time,
with my own rhyme, stand in primetime,
but with these guys by my side,
we be fresh rappers steppin in stride,
five to the zero, J to the Pizzy,
A.V.A.tah, and the one and only me.

I like the "thailand sweatshop embargo" line there by Aviator

As I look through the rally of the meadow of fans
I take a look at the crowd and realize a man
He's ballin'
I'm fallin'
He's keepin' me at bay
I'm callin' he's stallin'
But he's here today
I'm pagin'
He's cajun
I like 'em that way
He's gamin'
I'm sayin'
He's aimin' his dart
To send the final blow right through my heart
He's wack and he's mackin'
Some heffa in the crowd
She's laughin'
I'm cryin'
As my rhymes drop down
To a note so serious
So blue, so real
I can't conceal
Or much less feel
The mic in my hand
Through my fingers like sand
Like Forest Gump I just ran and ran
But West said it best in his piece:
If ya'll fresh to death, then I'm deceased.

We are the smoke free class off 2000
two triple zero everyones a hero
or fivezero
healthy lungs healthy hearts
we don't have to stop because we'll never start
We are the smoke free class off 2000
two triple zero
everyones a hero
or fivezero
healthy lungs
healthy hearts
we don't have to stop because we'll never start
We are the smoke free class of 2000 HUUUUUUUUUUH!

Todd-nice find! I used that a while ago for a poem. I edited your "people people" thing there too :)

Anyway, I decided that if we're going to make this into a national hit here, we might as well combine everyone's verses in a huge, original-Rapper's-Delight song. Unfortunately, I left out the harder, Biggie-style rap in fivezero and aviators posts...I like it but it didn't flow well with the silly, kind of Beastie Boys style of the rest of ours (especially yay's. that was silly.) If we get a little more of the glocks and cops rap, which is cool, I'll put all that together too.

yay: bagel 1, bagel 2, let me get in on this
yo, yo, here we go, yo here we go.
i got a left bagel, i gotta right bagel,
let me hear yo fable
i got a left bagel, i gotta right bagel,
let me ride yo sable
i got a left bagel, i gotta right bagel,
let me buid yo a table
i got a left bagel, i got a right bagel,
i love food give it to me now ill show you how or ill eat you

flo: lysten to the ryhmes that I traject,
nothin but da best, nothin left to perfect,
I'm like a bullet only ten times faster,
rippin out rhymes like I'm tha master,
stuck in my tracks, all you see is my back,
I'm way up ahead, you're stuck in my tread.

jp: Look on your porch, and who do ya see
I'm tall, I'm lanky, and a dope MC
I'll bust down the door don't gimme a key
it's the funky rhymin flowin from the mouth of jp
I spit my raps like a young B.I.G.
Eminem, Tupac and my man Mike D
Like Snoop Dogg blowin up the hizz-ee
I'm the hottest rapper representin' Long Vall-ey.
I worked for fame, wasn't born with skill
As a youngin I practiced with Licenced to Ill
Now with all my raps you'll get your fill
I'll uproot you with my verbal Roto-Till.
You wanna test me? Put on your cape
Cuz Superman the only dude I can't take
Just throw on my record for your own sake
Or I'll school you like the And-One mix tape.

Aviator: I got your mom on the line like Mike Rizzo
Tellin her to eat some cheese like fo shizzo
she wanted me to sing like im in the wizzo
But i make like snoop *cough cough eh ehh* WHAT
Fo Shizzo My Nizzo
Yeah I left the L out cause I'm a teaser
Buddy Holly out the box of Blue Weezer
Playin the sevens like a lady pleaser
JP always pollens up like a red sneezer
I like donuts and so do cops
they eat em a lot and look like flops
soon they be called for uncle pops
and watch out for when the soap drops

Hamster Love: this is for my girls all around the world
these dudes tryna rap? Tryna make me hurl
ain't nobody gonna stop my flow
when I jump on the mic- Yea, it's "like whoa!"
who said it's cool to talk about bagels?
betta get back to (WHAT?) waitin' tables
yea, basically I just called you dumb
Oops, is that you underneath my thumb?
talkin' that smack, you best back it up
I'm tellin you right now, I've had enough
of players tryna play and ballers tryna ball
your jherri curls drippin'(Eww!) not cute at all
check your vernacular when we in da club
cuz I'm the new member of 3L-dub
Do you really wanna hurt me, wanna make me cry?
(think twice)
Triumph, the insult dog, is on my side

Flo: I hit on the chicks, like all the summer flicks,
I break you suckah's backs, when it comes to macks,
Rhymin ain't a crime, 'les you got rhymes like mine,
cause people stoppin dead in their tracks, with heart attacks,
when they witness the flowin fluttah of my rap rhymin buttah,
so all you othah creeps just can't compete,
I'll make it short N sweet,
don't you see? I'm one of the elite.

jp: Now heres a message to all you phonys
I bring you the cheese like macaroni
I just played you like a PS2 Sony
I get the gold like Mike Eruzione.
I have to kick you off my island
Cuz with wack rhymin you ain't stylin'
And my number you'll be dialin'
Cuz my voice is so beguilin'.
I pop lame MCs like a balloon
Like Bob Probert, I'm a goon
You sucka MCs can't hold a tune
I walk you off like Aaron Boone.
I eat you up like Panda Express
My money and skills are in excess
Start with me and you transgress
I'll spit you out like water cress.

Aviator: His mother slaved making tacos
packing them away in her poncho
and im the true MC named Marco
Like Mankind's pal Mista Socko
And its like im flyin on an MD-83
Heading all the way (Where?) Miami
So I can be drinkin some new recipe
And droppin bombs on the the old MC
And all you lil girls at home know
That your mans half the man of Marco
Like the Thailand sweatshop embargo
Everyones got a fistagon from D'Arco
So Mr WMA can get his shoe shine
while im settlin into the new time
while histories repeatin the same rhyme
while we're groovin on the skizzy to Sublime

Flo: you got flow like molasses,
I'm gonna stomp you like glasses,
You got ryhmes like the trash is,
just quit with your lame passes,
I'm never number two, I'm always on top,
I got da hottest joints, so no one can stop,
can't be tryin to beat these beats I've got,
you're out of the scene, cause I know how to crop,
you're like the ninties flourescent,
I'ma real man, and your an adolescent,
when I'm through wit you, you'll need antidepressant,
cause I win with fly rhymes, nonstop, incessant.

jp: Now it's been a while since I rocked the mike
All the fly ladies, it's me they still like
Stop your baulin and cryin, wee little tyke
I think you just smoked me (What?) Psych!
I don't hafta take drugs like Kurt Cobain
In order to reach this plateau of fame
In fact from all substances please refrain
Cuz you get a natural high when I entertain.
So if moisture is the essence of wet-ness
And of beauty wetness is the ess-ence
You must be beautiful all the time
Cuz you wet yourself when you hear my rhyme.
Now all you kids who think you're all that
With ya popped collar and your trucker hat
You ain't slick as me, I'm as cool as a cat
And I don't need to wear FUBU to prove that I rap.
Now you all know MC means mic controlla
But you baby MC's I push in a strolla
While rappers make money endorsing coca-cola
I don't need commercials to make me a high rolla.
All you wannabe rappers lookin at your timberlands
And droning on about your house on the sand
I'm just here to make you understand
Exploiting women doesn't make you a man.
So I can tell all you doin' is hat-ing
But I can't hear what you communicat-ing
But like the Red Sox you'll keep on wait-ing
You haven't won nothin since nineteen eight-een.

HL: Yo, this thread is dope like Murder She Wrote
gonna break it down like I own this rope (OHH!)
got some ideas, so hear me out
No doubt, I'm just a girl but I'm psycho on the mic
ghetto fabulous, ya can't touch this
So, check it
P. Diddy never made Da Band
So throw up ya hands
Shake ya tail feather and...
us rap-pers un-ite
wit rhymes so tight
your mom will neva need a face lift (OHH!)
So whatcha think? My idea's a killa
I can see me now, sportin' a chinchilla
If I spit it too hot, I'll neuralize ya
I make this look good and it was all a dream
now go to sleep...

theres a mass without roofs
theres a prison to fill
theres a country soul that reads post no bills
theres a strike and a line of cops outside of tha mill
theres a right to obey and theres a right to kill

hey cool! http://rhymezone.com/

you got flow like molasses,
I'm gonna stomp you like glasses,
You got ryhmes like the trash is,
just quit with your lame passes,

I'm never number two, I'm always on top,
I got da hottest joints, so no one can stop,
can't be tryin to beat these beats I've got,
you're out of the scene, cause I know how to crop,

you're like the ninties flourescent,
I'ma real man, and your an adolescent,
when I'm through wit you, you'll need antidepressant,
cause I win with fly rhymes, nonstop, incessant.

fivezero-California Love anyone? :) well the first line anyway.
Hamster Love-Nice rhymin! I love the first one especially.
todd-thanks! I like your old school rap there. Man 2000, that was like Y2K up in the hizzouse! Uhh, anyway, nice work.

Here I go again...

Now it's been a while since I rocked the mike
All the fly ladies, it's me they still like
Stop your baulin and cryin, wee little tyke
I think you just smoked me (What?) Psych!
I don't hafta take drugs like Kurt Cobain
In order to reach this plateau of fame
In fact from all substances please refrain
Cuz you get a natural high when I entertain.
So if moisture is the essence of wet-ness
And of beauty wetness is the ess-ence
You must be beautiful all the time
Cuz you wet yourself when you hear my rhyme.
Now all you kids who think you're all that
With ya popped collar and your trucker hat
You ain't slick as me, I'm as cool as a cat
And I don't need to wear FUBU to prove that I rap.
Now you know MC means mic controlla
But you baby MC's I push in a strolla
While rappers make dough endorsing coca-cola
I don't need commercials to make me a high rolla.
All you wannabe rappers lookin at your timberlands
And droning on about your house on the sand
I'm just here to make you understand
Exploiting women doesn't make you a man.
So I can tell all you doin' is hat-ing
But I can't hear what you communicat-ing
But like the Red Sox you'll keep on wait-ing
You haven't won nothin since nineteen eight-een.

untouchable like ness
i squash pawns like chess
stackin' my bills
floor to ceiling
can't imagine
the feel i'm feelin'
tonight i drink of a silver cup
and eat grits from a silver spoon
i pet my brand new rottwieler pups
won't no one stop my roll too soon

Yo, this thread is dope like Murder She Wrote
gonna break it down like I own this rope (OHH!)
got some ideas, so hear me out
No doubt, I'm just a girl but I'm psycho on the mic
ghetto fabulous, ya can't touch this
So, check it
P. Diddy never made Da Band
So throw up ya hands
Shake ya tail feather and...
us rap-pers un-ite
wit rhymes so tight
your mom will neva need a face lift (OHH!)
So whatcha think? My idea's a killa
I can see me now, sportin' a chinchilla
If I spit it too hot, I'll neuralize ya
I make this look good and it was all a dream
now go to sleep...

I found this old one of mine:

/

I hit on the chicks, like all the summer flicks,
I break you suckah's backs, when it comes to macks,
Rhymin ain't a crime, 'les you got rhymes like mine,
cause people stoppin dead in their tracks, with heart attacks,
when they witness the flowin fluttah of my rap rhymin buttah,
so all you othah creeps just can't compete,
I'll make it short N sweet,
don't you see? I'm one of the elite.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

commentary:

1st: JP, you got skillz!
2nd: Where's The Funky Fresh?!
3rd: Although this isn't going according to your plan, JP, I really like this thread, and I'm about to add to it.

i'm gonna write a meathead gangster rap:

i am that stranger in the shade
drinkin' voddy and lemonade
i tote glocks that stop clocks
bribe cops and buy stocks
a killer with a glacial heart
unknowable and set apart--

from the small game that lends no fame,
from the talkers who stake no claim,
from authorities i take no blame.

from the crime scenes i disappear,
end results of which are unclear,
still consequences i don't fear.

Haha-haHA!

this is for my girls all around the world
these dudes tryna rap? Tryna make me hurl
ain't nobody gonna stop my flow
when I jump on the mic- Yea, it's "like whoa!"
who said it's cool to talk about bagels?
betta get back to (WHAT?) waitin' tables
yea, basically I just called you dumb
Oops, is that you underneath my thumb?
talkin' that smack, you best back it up
I'm tellin you right now, I've had enough
of players tryna play and ballers tryna ball
your jherri curls drippin'(Eww!) not cute at all
check your vernacular when we in da club
cuz I'm the new member of 3L-dub
Do you really wanna hurt me, wanna make me cry?
(think twice)
Triumph, the insult dog, is on my side

WHAT!? OKAAAY!

bagel 1, bagel 2, let me get in on this
yo, yo, here we go, yo here we go.

i got a left bagel, i gotta right bagel,
let me hear yo fable
i got a left bagel, i gotta right bagel,
let me ride yo sable
i got a left bagel, i gotta right bagel,
let me buid yo a table
i got a left bagel, i got a right bagel,
i love food give it to me now ill show you how or ill eat you

His mother slaved making tacos
packing them away in her poncho
and im the true MC named Marco
Like Mankind's pal Mista Socko
And its like im flyin on an MD-83
Heading all the way (Where?) Miami
So I can be drinkin some new recipe
And droppin bombs on the the old MC
And all you lil girls at home know
That your mans half the man of Marco
Like the Thailand sweatshop embargo
Everyones got a fistagon from D'Arco
So Mr WMA can get his shoe shine
while im settlin into the new time
while histories repeatin the same rhyme
while we're groovin on the skizzy to Sublime

I feel the rhymes flow through me often late at night, so here goes for another dose.

Now heres a message to all you phonys
I bring you the cheese like macaroni
I just played you like a PS2 Sony
I get the gold like Mike Eruzione.
I have to kick you off my island
Cuz with wack rhymin you ain't stylin'
And my number you'll be dialin'
Cuz my voice is so beguilin'.
I pop lame MCs like a balloon
Like Bob Probert, I'm a goon
You sucka MCs can't hold a tune
I walk you off like Aaron Boone.
I eat you up like Panda Express
My money and skills are in excess
Start with me and you transgress
I'll spit you out like water cress.

I got your mom on the line like Mike Rizzo
Tellin her to eat some cheese like fo shizzo
she wanted me to sing like im in the wizzo
But i make like snoop *cough cough eh ehh* WHAT
Fo Shizzo My Nizzo
Yeah I left the L out cause I'm a teaser
Buddy Holly out the box of Blue Weezer
Playin the sevens like a lady pleaser
JP always pollens up like a red sneezer
I like donuts and so do cops
they eat em a lot and look like flops
soon they be called for uncle pops
and watch out for when the soap drops