Simpsons Quotes
by Post your favorite "Simpsons" lines here. I'll start:
Krusty's Komeback Special
Krusty to Red Hot Chili Peppers backstage before they perform:
Krusty - Guys, the network has a problem with some of your lyrics. Would you mind changing them?
Anthony Keidis - Forget you, Clown.
Flea - Yeah, our lyrics are like our children.
Krusty - Well, ok. But when you say, 'What I got, what you want, put it in you' how about just 'What I'd like, is I'd like to hug and kiss you'?
RHCP (all) - Wow! That's much better.
Flea - Everyone can enjoy that.
AI Summary
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"I'm in no condition to drive...WAIT! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
Homer...
haha. Off-topic, but this reminds me:
All Cretans are liars.
Rod Flanders: Are you jealous of Brother Homer?
Ned Flanders: Maybe just a little bit.
Rod Flanders: I'm jealous of girls 'cause they get to wear dresses.
Ned Flanders: One problem at a time, boy.
Kirk VanHouten, Milhouse's Dad: Now son, you may be confused about the time your mother and I have been spending together. We're going through what's called a "trial un-separation".
Louanne VanHouten, Milhouse's Mom: We're not sure what's going to happen, so we don't want you to get your hopes up.
Milhouse: They're not, don't worry (very sad)
Kirk: Well, maybe you can get them up a little..
Milhouse: They're already up! They're sky high!!!
Hahaha, aww, man, just reading over these makes me giggle.
Malibu Stacy:
Let's forget our troubles in a big bowl of strawberry ice cream!
Thinking too much gives you wrinkles.
Don't ask me, I'm just a girl! Ha ha! Ha ha!
Homer, to Ned Flanders: "Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent!
I'm gonna screw this up cause I heard it second hand:
Homer: Hey marge look at the BBBQ I just bought
Marge: What does that extra B stand for?
Homer: BYOBB
Marge: And that extra B?
Homer: Oh that's a typo.
The episode also has the infamous: "You don't win friends with salad" song.
I think it's:
Homer: Hey kids! I just got my barbeque invitations back from the printer!
Lisa (reading): "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra "B" is for BYOBB."
Bart: What's that extra "B" for?
Homer: That's a typo.
thanks!
oh mannnnnnnnnn last night on the simpsons they said something and i literally cracked up outloud and i forgot what it was
chrissssss do you remember?!?!
Krusty after finding out he's not really Jewish:
"All these years I thought I was a self-hating Jew. Turns out I'm just a plain old anti-semite"
HAHA!
Homer, toasting: "To Alcohol: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
Marge: I don't like rap music. It promotes punching and boastfullness and rudeness to ho's!
When Homer gets a "helper monkey" named Mojo, then lets him live the same lifestyle as himself, making him lazy and fat:
Marge: You told me that monkey would be cleaning the gutters and doing our taxes, and now he just lays there, struggling to breathe!
Homer: What do you expect? His cholesterol's through the roof.
Marge: I want you to take that monkey back to where you got him so he can be rehabilitated and get a second chance.
(Homer drops the monkey off in a basket at the science lab where he got him)
Scientists, upon seeing Mojo: Mojo! What's happened to you? (They extend a speak and say for Mojo to type on)
Mojo (Speaking through speak and say): Pray for Mojo.
"You can't silence the truth with beanbags!" - Jesse, the idealistic, hunky tree-hugger that Lisa loves, voiced by Joshua Jackson.
Chief Wiggum - Way to go with the bag-zooka, there, Lou.
Pt. Lou - You gotta love what you do, Chief.
The entire Flanders family, in song:
God said to Noah, 'There's gonna be a flood-y, flood-y.'
Rain came down it started to get mud-y, mud-y.
Get those animals (CLAP)
Out on the ark-y, ark-y.
Aw, the waiting game sucks! Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos! - Homer
Homer - I used to rock and roll all night and party ev-er-y day. Now I'm lucky if I find 15 minutes a week in which to get funky.
Superintendent Chalmers - Skinner, I've had it with this school. The overcrowding, the low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children.
Homer - Wow, Lisa, somebody's packing light.
Lisa - Maybe you're getting stronger.
Homer - Well, I have been eating more.
Lisa - I don't know why, but I think I have a crush on Nelson.
Milhouse - Nelson?! Why would you like him? He'll never treat you as well as I would.
Lisa - I don't think of you like that, Milhouse. You're more like a big sister.
Milhouse - Why does everyone keep saying that?
Lisa - Just give him this note for me when you get back to class, ok?
Milhouse - thoughts: If she sees you'll do anything she asks, she's bound to respect you. Sure! What are big sisters for?! (When walking away): Oh! I shouldn't have said that.
(Lisa is in a dance recital with a bunch of her female peers and Ralph. The teacher doesn't want her to dance because she's not that good.)
Lisa - But I thought everyone was guaranteed a spot!
Instructor - That would hardly be fair. Treating everyone equally when they're clearly not equal is called what, children?
Children - Communism!
Instructor - That's right. And I didn't tap out secret codes until my shoes were filled with blood just to roll out the welcome mat for the reds.
Miss Vikki! ha
Little Vicki! That's it! I couldn't think of her name.
Homer! When I asked you if that dummy was to fake your own death you told me No! - Marge
He lied to us through song! - Homer (about Apu)
Lisa - Mom! Mom!
Homer - Lisa, you're mom's not here. What's up?
Lisa - I had a bad dream.
Homer - There now, you just lie here and tell me all about it.
Lisa - Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the Boogeyman was after me and---
Homer - Boogeyman! You nail the windows shut! I'll get the gun!
Homer (to Bart) - Bart! I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a boogeyman or men loose in the house!
"The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him 'Gamblor'! And I'm going to snatch your mother from his neon claws!" -- Homer to Lisa.
"Everything's coming up Milhouse!" - Milhouse Vanhouten
Another great quote from that Spinal Tap episode.
Spinal tap, backstage before their show talking to radio DJs.
Bill - You're listening to KBBL and this is Bill & Marty, and we're backstage, rapping with the tap!
Marty - So guys, how about recording a couple promos for us?
Spinal Tap - Yeah, sure, that sounds fine.
Bill - How about "Nobody rocks like Bill & Marty on KBBL"?
Spinal Tap - Well we don't know that do we? What if someone rocks just as hard as you? Or better? I mean, we don't want to sound stupid.
Marty - Ok, ok, I can respect that. How about "Rock-a-doodle-doo! You're listening to Bill & Marty"?
Spinal Tap -Yeah, that sounds fine.
one my favorite spinal tap things is when the leader singer has to look at his guitar to remember where hes playing
"Rock on ..... ehhh Springfield!"
i never saw this one, but i have to now, i love spinal tap! "my amp goes up to 11"
Haha! I love that too. And then at the end of the set he still says, "Goodnight 'Springton.'"
Spinal Tap, before performing to roadie:
Spinal Tap - We stepped outside for rehearsal and there's water all over the freakin' stage.
Roadie - Well, I'm not going to lie to you guys. 6 nights a week, the place is a hokey rink.
Spinal Tap - Well this is a rock concert, not the bleedin'... splish splash show.
Moe: Ooh, Mister Fancy, parking his car in the garage...
Homer: What do you call it?
Moe: A car hole.
lol, that was funny
(Kang and Kodos are posing as Bill Clinton and Bob Dole during the 1996 presidential election, in an effort to take over the planet.)
At a presidential debate the day before the election:
Moderator: Mr. Clinton, what would you like to see happen at the polls tomorrow?
Clinton: I am looking forward to an orderly election, which will eliminate the need for a violent bloodbath.
Gore: It matters not which one of us you choose, either way your planet is doomed!
Moderator: Chilling visions of the future. Thank you.
Hahah that's awesome
That's such a great episode.
(As Clinton & Gore, Kang & Kodos walk down the street, holding hands)
Clinton campaign advisor: Uh, sir? The voters are becoming confused by the way you and your opponent are constantly, um, holding hands.
Clinton (Kodos): We are merely exchanging long protein strands. If you can think of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it!
LOL i remember watching this one when it came out. that was hilarious
(in song) Savin' those babies, and the soft spots on their heads - Homer
Simpsons did it.
Lisa - We can go on the factory tour and I could complain in person!
Marge - You're not going to throw red paint on the executives again, are you? The Keebler people were very upset.
"If I could gouge out someone else's eyes and shove 'em into my sockets, I would." - Homer J. Simpson.
"I love the Simpsons" - © Kamila
"Don't snap my undies." - Cheif Wiggum
Marge - "I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die."
Itchy & Scratchy Ordinator (in Austrian accent) - "All right, take her to the hole."
Security Guard - "We found this one swimming naked in the fermentarium."
Lisa - "I am the Lizard Queen!"
Duff Beer Man - "Surly don't look out for nobody but Surly."
i am so smart, S. M. R. T.
"Everybody's hugging."
my favorite is
"tastes like burning!"
lol, I love ralph wiggum!
"The doctor said my nose wouldn't bleed so much if I would just keep my finger out of there!"
Old Schoo Quote: Simpson, I can see your doodle. -Flanders.
hahaha... i never saw this one but this is just hilarious
"My cat's breath smells like cat food." --Ralph Wiggum
hick: you won't grow anything on the old simpson place, the PH levels are too acidic
homer: ohhh that's just superstition
...later when nothing grows
homer: if only i'd listened to those inbred hicks!