Odd Man/Woman Out

Okay, so I'm not married but I've had enough family-oriented problems to have been married to like..50 guys.

One of the main problems we had was that we were young, way too young. I understand that, and even at the time I understood that, but that didn't mean that them being kind of cold towards me didn't hurt.

I used to be terrified to even go over Ben's house, and when I was there I was so meek and timid I probably came close to giving myself a heart attack or a fit or something. I can still be apprehensive, scared to say the wrong thing or do something and suddenly find that they hate me again. Not that they ever hated me (or so Ben says) but it certainly felt that way.

It took me years to be able to call them both by their first names. For a long while after I was calling his mom by her first name I was stuck in between Brother King and Tom with his dad. It's was like the "hey yoooouu" phaze or something. And it was really hard because Ben hit it off so well with my parents because they're sooo super easy going. Ben and my dad have long talks about everything like trains or whatever and I couldn't even say hi to his parents for a while without wanting to hide under a chair or something.

(I'm writing a novel here too) Our families aren't too different. I'm pretty close to both my parents, and I'm still a little girl with my mommy (like, I can sit on her lap still) and Ben's not like that with his parents really (that'd be kinda weird..the whole lap thing). They're more independent, and while they're still all close they're not as affectionate which is fine, because I have trouble being that close to people outside my family who aren't my super-best friends.

You know what's weird? that when you get marrid the in-laws expect you to call them mom and dad. No I did not marry my brother. You are not my mom and dad. Heh

i can't speak about the in-law perspective but i know a lot of my friends don't not like my dad persay but i know many of them are scared of him. i couldn't imagine being scared. all you have to do is look at pictures rachel has on her phone. *>wink<*. i know that any boy i date will definetely be scared of my dad. i hope not though. i am pretty close to both of my partents. i hope i can be like that with a my guy's parents. i practice all the time and is it bad when some people i like their paretns much better? i hope not.

It isn't

Whatever it is about you.

If it's not

Whatever it is you do.

Their questions, who in world is this girl? Is she good enough for you?

I'm not the jealous sort but this love games is my sport...if you play me for a fool winner takes all.

On the topic of your father, well now, why do I even bother?

He's just skeptical, with that scowl, and the way he stares me down.

Well your mother's just a gem, just as nurturing, and then...she just makes me feel at home...that's what I need.

It isn't

Whatever it is about you.

If it's not

Whatever it is you do.

Their questions, who in world is this girl? Is she good enough for you?

Whoever said I was innocent?

Let's not get carried away, I'm a most unusual girl in that unconventional way.

There are some things that shame me, some things I've left behind but...naturally I'd be judged, on magnitude and kind.

Not that I'm so wild, I stay inside the lines. It's a matter of opinion but there is nothing I would hide.

It isn't

Tell me what it is about you.

If it's not

Tell me what it is you do.

My questions, who in world am I? Am I good enough for you?

hmmm my inlaws hate my guts... plan and simple... one day i think katies dad will just lose it and beat me up, throw me in his trunk and drive the car off a bridge....

My husband's and my familes are completely different. They don't get along at all. I tolerate my husband's family because we're in the same congregation (that's also one of the reasons I want to move, though).

My family has always been very independent; we're not the type to call each other just to say hi. My husband's family is. I have trouble understanding them, intrinsically. I don't understand why they want to have dinner with us when we see them twice a week at meetings. Moreover, my husband's parents live next door to their parents, so it's normal for them to have such a close relationship. I think it's crazy to be that close to your parents all your life. Parents aren't friends to me. They make me feel smothered. I'm very independent, and they think that means I don't like them.

Before we got married, we knew it would be tough mixing our backgrounds, so we were prepared. I think I'm annoyed by 1) the fact that his family is so close; and 2) they're essentially boring people. I could see talking to them if they had something relevant to say, but they don't.

Plus, my husband's brother's wife is very close with our mother-in-law. She actually confides in her about their marraige, which I think is really weird. So when we tell my husband's parents that we don't want to buy a house in PA, that we want to move some place else, his mother is confused. She said to me, "Marriage is a big change. If you move away, you're going to need someone to talk to." I answered that I did move away from all my friends to be near Donovan, and that he's the only one I need to talk to. Like I would tell my mother-in-law private things about my marriage? C'mon! Plus, she can't understand that I've been independent for so long. I've been working and supporting myself since I was 15, and she never worked. So she'll say things like, "Do you have trouble adjusting to doing Donovan's laundry too?" and I say, "Donovan does his own laundry." She's surprised by how offended I am; not just as a semi-feminist, but because I've been with her son for almost 4 years and she still doesn't know me well enough to know that I have a full time job and responsibilities other than pandering to my husband, like she did. AND my father-in-law was surprised by how well our wedding went. We were dancing and he commented on how nothing went wrong. I asked if he expected something to, and he said Donovan's brother's wedding was a fiasco, so he expected the same thing. It's like they don't think I'm capable, which really annoys me.

It's tough to try to get along with people that are very different from you. In the past, I've used alcohol to do it, but we had dinner with the in-laws on Sunday and I just had water. I think I'm getting better. ;) One of my former co-workers (who has a family like Donovan's) told me not to try to drive a wedge between them. I think I was trying to do that subconciously for a while. Before we were married, I felt like I was always vying with them for his attention. Now I've got him all to myself and I keep telling myself that an hour or two with his fam isn't too much to make him happy.

That was a novel and a half. Thanks for the therapy.

Hmm i get along extremely well with my in-laws, and my husband gets along really well with my family. I think it's just hit-or-miss. We just happened to be very much alike with families that we kind of fit into, heh.