Marriage
by I know it's been discussed before, but the macking forum absolutely needs a new thread because the "What WE notice" thread is such a dead horse right about now.
So anyway, I know there's quite a few on ezabel who married young and especially in the truth it seems to be a trend to get married at a young age. There's also some older single ones on here too, so we'll get both perspectives. I used to picture myself getting married at a young age, maybe at 21, or 22. But now that I'm 23, I really can't picture myself getting married any time soon. Anything can happen of course, but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if I'm still single at 30, and I wouldn't have a problem with that.
I don't really understand it when I see people just date one person right after another until finally they get married. It just seems to me like forcing the issue, almost like marriage is a requirement or something. Or almost like they've peaked as an individual and since there's nothing else they can do, they might as well just get married. The worst is when somebody feels that they're not happy now, but they think that getting married will make them happy. I guess some people really just have a stronger desire to be married. For me, I would rather not date at all than date the wrong person.
AI Summary
156 Comments
btw, i was just thinking of this because i'm going away with my girlfriends to the beach this weekend....
honestly, i love being married but the #1 thing i dislike about it, is that, when i was single and going away w/ my girlfriends, it was pure joy, but now, even though i know it will be fun, there is that aching and knowing how you will miss the person when you're away from them. i love it, but hate it.
on the flip side, now i get to go away with a "boy", aka my husband.
thoughts for the evening. goodnight.
I love reading old threads and what people have said and how things have changed. Matt said "I wouldn't be surprised if I'm still single at 30, and I wouldn't have a problem with that".
and he's married now.
how cool is that?
i love ezabel/redsweater. it's like a life chronicle. I hope this website is still around when i have grandkids. hahaah
yeah... wow!
if only i could go back in time and tell slightly younger matt what was about to happen!
Mawage......mawage, is what bwings us togever, today.
I saw the best shirt the other day. Bright yellow with a bride and groom smiling while cutting a wedding cake. Below it are the words:
BIG MISTAKE!!!
Hysterical stuff....
I don't have to worry about dating anyone. No women my age (26) want to deal with two rugrats (I have them most of the time). So I stay out of trouble. It's my curse.
awww dont say that. i'm sure when the time is right you'll find someone who'll love you and the kiddo's too. there are plenty of sisters out there who will take a brother and his kids.
yeah i was thinking the same thing - there are sisters who want kids, but would rather not go through the pain of labor or the cost of adopting a chinese baby. One of them will come to you when the time is right, you'll seeee
Ah, you're just being nice. My kids would probably scare alot of sisters away.
As a word of encouragement, I was a single mom at 18, and coming into the truth, I figured no brother would ever want to get involved with me, let alone be a father figure to my newborn.
Lo and behold, about 2 years after I got baptized, a brother (and longtime friend of mine and my family's) showed interest, and not only did we get married, but he adopted my son, and loves him as if he were his own flesh and blood.
I'm absolutely positive that there are sisters out there who have the same character as my husband's, as far as your situation goes. Sometimes it just takes time. I used to get so frustrated and upset at my situation, but I focused on the more spiritual things, and I feel like Jehovah blessed me in the long run. I'm sure that things will eventually change. Just try to stay positive, especially for your cute little rugrats! :)
It doesn't matter right now anyway. I work 7 days a week. I have no time for anything. I just like to complain. :o)
Hey, I understand that. The working thing is a struggle in itself, and adding kids to the mix makes it that much more difficult. :)
I work 40 hours a week Mon-Fri as a Mechanical Designer, then I spend Fri-Sun at night, about 15-20 hours as a server at Ruby Tuesday. I get one weekend a month off.
Ooooh, I do the serving thing too. Have been for about a year and a half. About 35 hours (roughly) a week, mostly nights. That alone is rough, and a lot of physical work. And having another full-time job on top of that.....I can't imagine. I've got another small part-time job in addition to my serving one, but only a few hours every few days. Nothing like what you've got going on there. Mad props to you, man. :)
My cheeks were sore Sunday night. And I don't mean the ones on my face. LOL.
Hahahaha....too funny!!!
I'm thinking about buying a puppy because I just want something to love me!
i love you!
ur mom says hi!
my armpits warmly greet you
Being married is the best thing ever...for me. i think i was a very happy person before Austin. i had tons of fun. But he just made my life so much MORE amazing. now, i still have tons of fun but just some different kinds. (wink wink hahaha) He was the first guy I ever dated, the first time either of us were ever really in love. I really didn't know what I was missing before him. I'm glad that I didn't have to date a lot of guys to know who I wanted to be with forever, but I don't look down on people who have to date a few to find the right one...as long as you are happy being who you are SINGLE.
Nice girl, smart cookie.
It's easy to become married. Millions of people do it every year. If you want to pressure me to become something, hey, why not pick something a little more challenging—like an astrophysicist.~Karen Salmansohn
HAHAHHA!! I LOVE THIS!! :)
i bet more than 50% of all astrophyicists don't give astrophyicism a few years later for chemistry...
ha i saw that quoted in an article one of my girl friends sent me: http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=4159
Did anyone read the daily text yet this morning? It actually said that it's inconsiderate for married ones to ask singles "When are you getting married?" I say print it out and post it on your information boards!
matt listen, while you are enjoying the single life, can i enjoy it with you while i still have the time?
yeah man, gimme a call
You are a wise young man Matt. Powerful you are in the force. Just keep up with that line of thinking. I feel the same way. I'm just going to sit back and wait. I learned the hard way already.
Te he, there's no way that this isn't gonna somehow creep into my subconscious manifesting in yet another Episode III related dream.
Hey guys, whats going on in this Drama Club ?
Marriage is like a sneeze...
*think about it*
some people think that getting married will make them happy, but then they realize that all they really needed was WoW. LOL.
i have two wives, life is great
just two? amateur.
yeah man... you gotta be kicking it like Soloman...
hmm, i do have 3 chars so, thats a start
Maybe u should learn how to spell SOLOMON first. are you... uh.. a witness??
HAHAHAA we all need to chip in and get him "hooked on phonics"
when you look this good, you dont need to know how to spell.... dont hate, all you ugly people.... just bask in my beauty....
I noticed that only two words in that comment had more than 1 syllable.
I noticed that you used the numerical form of the word "one", this being grammatically incorrect, maybe someday we should go over your sentence struction or grammer again.
You spelled "grammar" incorrectly.
hmmm, so did you...
Oh shoot! That was just a typo. :) Call it a draw.
sok... i fixed it for you... never a draw... i win everything.
matt matt matt, you are like a skinny buddha with all of your wisdom that i agree with..
I luv this.
I'm gonna try this one out.
Matt, you're so right about dating one person after another until they finally get married. It makes it like some kind of game show..or trying different shampoos and finally getting fed up and sticking with the one you have.
I have nothing wrong with people getting married young or old. Like it's been mentioned by several people- it's the reasons for getting married that really matter. Sure, I think it's cool to be able to legally drink at your own wedding but some are ready before that and if they're ready..go for it.
It's defininetly not only older people asking others the "when are you getting married?" comment that hurts. I am constantly asked that question by peers and it drives me crazy. Like..gee..maybe when you get the invitation in the mail you'll know?
It's fine if another couple feels that they're ready for marriage even if they are young.. and the only reason I ever don't like that is because I'm worried about my friends, because I don't want them to get screwed up and hurt later because of a bad decision. But that applies to all sorts of things in life. Doesn't mean they should look down on me or anyone else for not being ready to get married.
insightful. i like the shampoo analogy :)
thats funny. "maybe when you get the invitation in the mail you'll know?" i say something similar: "i'll make sure to put in the newsletter."
This is an interesting thread. Note to lurkers: drop me a line at ian@ezabel.com if you have anything about eZabel you'd like to discuss.
:( I still luv you + I'm a fat n' happy eZabler :)
Try This:
The thoughts & comments stated through out eZabel in no way reflect the thoughts or opinions of IWZ, unless otherwise stated.
ok... hmmm maybe i wasnt clear before, so ill say it again for those that must not have read my comment
This is subject is WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY over discussed... everyones points have been made, peoples views brought up. People read this site and HAVE taken offense to what you are all saying. PLEASE STOP FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh stop!!!!
im totally not kidding, seriously guys.... this subject is played out, talk about something else that pisses everyone off atleast... like how hot i am or something.
get over it!!!!
Do you want people to be pissed off or nauseated? ;)
i understand how in the past, comments may have been offensive, but in this forum we have some happily married and some happily single ppl commenting. how could that offend anyone?
yes I have read it personally by myself with myself and have pooped my pants. what will i do now, huh? how do you people feel that i pooped my pants? i dont even know what to do, im in total shock and disbelief, it is so unlikely for me to poop my pants
pics + divX
oh man now i got poop on the camera. oh man it smells like poo, ah i got it on my shirt, now i got it on my nose cuz i had to itch oh man help me
again.... pics + divX
im trying, but these wilderbeasts, they are licking my legs and now im getting tickled with torture. ahhhhhh. sweet red wine somebody, anybody, take the poop
red, red wiiiiiiiiiine.... STAY CLOSE TO MEEEEEEEEEE
DARN YOU TOMMY TWO TONE!!!!
AWWW SNAp! LOL
did someones lurking so-and-so stumble onto Ezabel again? so-and-so--go lie down.
Okay this is kinda funny. Just happened to turn on Comedy Central and this guy's doing standup and he says he has a girlfriend, and they can't hang out with married couples because all they hear is "when are you getting married?" "when are you two gonna get married" "so when are you guys getting married"
and he says the only response to that is "WHEN ARE YOU GONNA DIE - you know, you're already married so death is next, so when are you gonna die?"
and then he says "they're mad becuase you're single and they screwed up and they're like ' hey c'mon, join us, we're married, we're all married, it's horrible, join us"
haha.. it was kinda funny
HAHAHAHA that was funny!!!
Sex is good.
Sex is better with the right person.
and secondly..
I just feel bad for the folks who end up just dating that 1 person and because it's been going on for 8 months.. they feel the need to get married .. just because they've been together for so long..
and then end up getting married..
and it's ok .. it's cool.. but it's not what they wanted.. but they stick together because it's not bad.
I dont want.. Not bad.
I want.. unbelievable.
exactly. you should be bald and atop a mountain or something.
''i want'
ehhhntttt, this ones not ready for depature admiral
aye, aye.
No opinion on the first statement but, overall refreshingly accurate.
As much as I loved being single, I love being married more. I theorize that maybe when older people ask young singles when they're getting married, it's because those older ones know that there are wonderful things that marriage brings that singlehood can't. Like falling asleep and waking up next to a person you love, always having someone to hold you, to laugh with and rely on.
Maybe, subconciously, older ones just want singles to feel those wonderful things, so they ask when they're getting married. Some older people are just thoughtless, though, and should be sent to the edge of the village forever.
and bewbs
those things do sound wonderful. however, a single person who hasnt met anyone who makes him or her feel that way probably would not appreciate being asked when he or she is getting married.
exactly, can you imagine waking up to somebody day after day who at one point you sort of liked, but at this point, every single thing they do just grates on your nerves. and you know that you're stuck with them until the end of eternity. it would be enough to make you want to kill yourself
and yeah, i love being single. but when i get married i had BETTER love being married more, and i will
you freaks should hook up
I understand that. I'm just saying that as a person who has those wonderful things, it's hard to imagine someone not wanting them. Like if it was 100 degrees outside and I had a cool glass of lemonade, it would be hard for me to imagine why you wouldn't want a glass too.
I think when people ask you if you're married, at the core, they're asking because they hope you'll have that happiness too. Not to make you feel bad that you're not married.
Asking someone when they're getting married is a very insensitive question, no doubt, but I just wanted everyone to get a different perspective.
being married doesn't equal happiness.....being single doesn't bring more happiness.....being happy with yourself with who you are brings happiness and contentment.....whether married or single
***snaps***
i agree. i think peace, happiness and and an uncompromised feeling of contentment can be found in BOTH avenues. marriage, to me, now, is a snare and a racket. especially since everyone is so into admonishing ones to find a mate right away and guilting dating ones to get married. it's a comedy, really. i can't disagree with that silly desert/lemonaid comment. that sounds very Pennsylvania to me.
i meant that i can't disagree MORE. THAT's what i meant.
I agree with this.
I knew I shouldn't have commented in this forum. Geez.
why because not everybody agrees with your opinion. that's what this is all about, people putting their opinions out there. we're all different and that's what's great about the world. just because somebody has a different view than you doesn't mean it's a personal attack. you don't have to blast somebody just because they don't love everything that you love
No, because I'm being misunderstood. What's your problem?
if that's true, please explain it to us. i want to understand what you're saying.
I think that any married person who asks a single person when they're getting married is being insensitive. No question. I would never do it, and when I hear other people do it, I tell them I think it's really insensitive. I hated the question when I was single, but I hated more to see my friends' feelings hurt by it. I've known people like the girl mentioned below that are deeply emotionally hurt by comments about marriage, and I thought if anyone here was, maybe putting a positive spin on the question might make them feel better.
I understand where you're coming from, I think, you're kinda just explaining that some married people can't help but ask that because they're just happy and they don't MEAN to be insensitive. So maybe they jsut need to be told that it's insensitive.
Even when people are dating i think it's wrong to keep asking them when they're getting engaged, etc - it just puts pressure on them..
Yeah, that's what I mean. I think every congregation needs a local needs part about sensitivity. Especially because we're so close as an organization, we feel like we can take liberties with each other and that's really not the case.
It's a good idea.
word.
cool. i think i understand now.
nothing. i'm sorry i upset you
What is this? Is Matty being fiesty? HAHAHAHAHA!
*yes I am THAT loud, in REAL LIFE
good point. not to discount it, but how are we to feel when it's someone younger than us saying this?? and then, scaring us into waiting even longer, a few months/years down the line they end up divorced or disfellowshipped. if the 'when are you getting married' comment is coming from someone with many years of happy marriage together or even an older, mature person-THEN it's a lot easier to accept those words.
When i was about 18 I was friends with this girl who was maybe 22 and single, and i remember certain people making comments like "OH MY GOODNESS why is she still single, what is wrong with her, she's gonna be an old maid" etc. etc.
annnnd things like that really stick with you especially when they are said by people in your family or others really close to you - and I remember being 22 or 23 and single and kinda hearing those comments in my head (and people constantly trying to "fix me up" with people i had no interest in.. geez) and kinda freaking out
also at age 22 i had just gotten out of a 3-year dating relationship.. and i wanted to be single for a while to really 'find myself' or whatever and it was annoying how people couldn't understand that i really didn't need a significant other every second of my life
i had plenty of time and nothing to worry about
I don't think i was secure enough to dismiss those kind of comments and I commend those of you who can dismiss them
I know someone who was literally emotionally RUINED by those kinda comments. Now she is exactly what everyone told her she was gonna be, NOT because she wanted to be that way, but because the comments and everyones dashed expectations have been ingrained in her mind and she can't get over it. This is one sad case, but it definitely happens. These comments effect how people live and go about life. Not me, but some people are HYPER sensetive to it.
i am really really happy for my friends that are happy single. and i'm really really happy for my friends that are happily married. it just makes me very sad when they are commenting on my situation cos i want to find my happiness either way. i haven't found it yet. putting pressure on me just doesn't help.
when i was 18, i went through two back to back relationships. both with guy friends that we mutually decided-hey we get along really well let's try taking this to a dating level. at 18, i definitely wasn't ready for a commitment so what was the heck was the reason i did that: a mix of my own stupid immaturity and pressure from peers. i could've continued getting to know either one or even both of those brothers on a friendship level. both of these relationships ended up hurting all 3 of us (we were all close friends before and aren't now) and our families as well. personally, i wasn't ready for something serious at that age. i'm not sure if i'm even ready for it now. i'm not sure if i'll ever be ready for it.
now if i like a brother, i keep it to myself. call it being guarded, not trusting or whatever you want. i call it "not jumping the gun." girls are viciously fighting over guys in desperate efforts to get in a relationship and get married. they leave a trail of broken friendships and relationships in their wake. it's not worth that to me. i want happiness for myself and my friends and everyone really. i know my time will come for happiness (in whatever capacity that is). if we all focused on our own spirituality and letting it affect our personality, we'd all get along better.
sorry i rambled...
even at my age girls still viciously fight over guys, its really sad and pathetic.
the thing i keep saying, find happiness within yourself. know who are and what you want and you'll be content either way.
=/ and here i was hoping things would get better as we all matured.
I kinda agree with you but at the same time it makes me cringe when people who have kids ask me "so when are you having kids?!?!?!" because they think it's so wonderful to have kids
to me, the prospect of having kids is not attractive IN THE LEAST - so it's just annoying to hear how great it is to have kids
or when someone's a vegetarian and thinks everyone else should be vegetarians
or when someone is ghey and thinks everyone should be ghey
stuff like that
people swear by their own brand when it comes to everything nowadays. doctors, dentists, stores, products, diet, ways of doing literally anything, etc. it's swell they've found happiness in, i don't know, building model airplanes, but that doesn't mean someone will find or is capabe of finding the same happiness in that specific thing. people are apples and oranges and pears and peaches--comparisons just don't apply. what's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander.
yeah i have never gone up to someone who has kids and said "wow don't you wish you never did that? don't you wish you had freedom to do whatever you wanted without having to wipe a baby's butt all day??"
i mean could you imagine??!?!?!
but people who HAVE kids do this to those who don't
haha i know this is a whole other topic but it's a similar principle
There's so many parents in our hall with lots of kids that weren't planned. They see us together and say, "Never have kids." Good stuff.
lol.. that's so saaaaad!!! I love kids, i think they are amazing little human beings and have so much potential - and it makes me SO SAD to see them hurt and abused and sick and dying in this system. I think a lot of kids just don't get a fair chance because of the world we live in, and that's pretty much the #1 reason i don't want to bring any more into this world.
that's what i think about too.
annd this is also kind of why it's actually wise not to get married in this system, because just as kids have a hard time growing up in this system, marriages have a hard time surviving in this system. No matter who you are your marriage is going to be tested and attacked by Satan. And it is harder to maintain your faith when you're not only fighting for yourself but for another person, or even a whole family.
awesome perspective kam... whoops, almost typed "dam" ... that's not your name
haha yay i got an "awesome" lol dam! oh wait..
but what about the fact that the the Bible says there will be tribulation in the flesh? My dad is always asking me when I'm going to get married or why I'm not dating anyone, and I don't hate that. Whether some one gets married or not does not need to anyone's business but one's own. I've actually been doing a lot of research on this recently, and one article from like 1952 practically says that women are the devil and men should not get married, but it is up to each individual person. That was a very interesting article actually
i think older people are from a different generation where you got married or else you were an outcast. THere was no such thing as one who didn't in their eyes even though it happened quite frequently.
I think loving or hating marriage depends on whom you are married to or stuck with, as the case may be....
i am going to try and restrain myself from copying everyones comments i agree with but this is the best one:
The worst is when somebody feels that they're not happy now, but they think that getting married will make them happy. ... For me, I would rather not date at all than date the wrong person.
the worst is when someone is unhappy, period. i dont think getting married randomly makes anyone happier but i do know people who are happier bc they are married to the right person for them and they got married for right reasons.
that said, i personally would far rather be single indefinitely than link up with the wrong person. i am reasonably content alone and dont want to swap that for anything.
when are we gonna party, baby?
i would just wait until you're old enough to get married
hahahha
I don't think there is a set marriage age. Anyone who pushes anyone any one way on that is dead wrong. Everyone has their life pace and trajectory. It'll work when it works or not. Especially when you take into consideration the variables involved. True happiness can be found in either situation.
Being married is great. Being single is great. Both has it's advantages and disadvantages. Age has nothing to do with it really, age is just a number. People who think one is better than the other or who think they are better because they are married, or because they are single, should really get over themselves and stop making people feel 'bad' for not being like them.. geez that's so wierd to me. It's like the people that have kids make you feel like you're weird because you don't want kids. And vice versa. It's really a stupid useless debate. Everyone thinks what THEY are doing is the best thing in the world. That's just how life is. You just have to ignore them.
i probably gave this the wrong title. I wasn't trying to make a "getting married older or younger - What's better??" awake article out of this or cause a big argument, or call anybody out. I don't think i'm better than anybody here, or ever try to force my desicions on others, or especially ever make people feel bad. it was pretty much just my thoughts and musings on what i see happen sometimes and how I think the way I think is different than the way some other people think - my opinion only, and i wasn't trying to come off preachy or whatever. I'm not against getting married young at all, I am against getting married for the wrong reasons, and obviously it is something that has happened.
In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have even posted this because it was pretty much inevitable that some people were going to take it the wrong way.
if anyone took it the wrong way.....they have issues....you were just putting your thoughts out there....and thats all they were.....YOUR thoughts. so we just share our own thoughts w/you. its all good mijo.
kiss butt kiss butt kiss butt... anybody want a peanut butter cup? Aw shoot all my rhymes are stuck. They seem to be in a rut. I feel like they have run amuck. oh well good luck
you think you're rad, you think you're cool....but you know you always act a fool!
that HAS to be the worst thing i have ever heard... seriously... lol
oh i didn't take it that way, sorry if it sounded like that, lol.. i meant like that those of you guys who are single are a good example to other single guys and that people who make you feel bad about it should stop! hehe sorry i sounded hostile
no i figured. you're not lame like that :)
maybe the single people would realize that they are pretty happy if the married people would stop saying "you're not married??" as if it's a guarantee for happiness or something. just because someone is single...doesn't mean they are looking to not be single.
Thank you for this :) I agree, and you're sexy.
EWE!!! please dont do that!!! calling girls sexy makes my skin crawl!!!! LITERALLY
Don't be jealous.
psh yea just cos livy wants to state the obvious doesn't mean we have to get our panties in a twist. ;) haha
what panties... OOOOOOOOOOOH LAY
HAHAHA Mike i love you in ways word just can't describe...
hahahhahaha... YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, lol
oh my goodness how annoying is that?!!?!?!?! i am really young for people to start to be saying this to me? it just makes me feel like, oh you dont think im a good enough person by myself. do i need someone else right now? let me do something by myself first. this and when other people ask young couples when they are having kids. THAT'S TOTALLY THEIR BUSINESS!! we've had talks about this!! ugh. such a pet peeve.
Who's saying that to you?! I kill 'em!
There's a few people in our hall who've asked if we're gonna have kids, and my usual response is that if they knew me well enough to ask me that question, they'd already know the answer; and if they don't know the answer, then they don't know me well enough to ask. I've only had to say that to a few people because of the degree of snottiness. It works.
but then, how will they GET to know you if they don't ask?
Lol... ok.. no offense to matt or anybody else that comments on this or any of the OTHER million threads about this subject... but ok.. guys... the whole... MARRIAGE OLD YOUNG WHAATTAAYAAA THINK thread.... getting old... we all know what everyone thinks... we know what happened with the thread on the musings... no need to kick a dead horse...
matt, we know ur gay, we know you like men, we know that you are waiting for brad pitt to visit hackettstown so that you can seduce him and steal him from Angelina. GAY
^^^^^ Mike rocks.
guys, I know you're jealous of me. it's okay! you should be!!
if by jealous you mean, want to kick you in your hindparts when i see you... then yes.
and by "kick" you mean.... nm
hahahhahahaha... **wags finger** NICE one!!!!
^^^^^^ Mike still rocks.
SHUT UP & EWE no body's ghey, stop saying that it makes my skin crawl. LITERALLY
ooh... pics + DivX!!!!!
Actually, I'm not exactly sure what happened with that thread in the musings. Though I did show up somewhere a week later to be told that people were angry at me..
Don't really answer this..
This is sweet and sincere. I'm with you on not picturing myself being married in this system.
I'm a girl who's happy being single....i am stoked i am where i am. I totally encourage single ones to enjoy your singleness.
When you reach a certain age (late twenties) you become so much more confident, you know who you are and what you want that you enjoy it, it's your own special freedom.
NOW
i'm not knocking on ones who got married at a young age....hey when you find the one you are truly in love with and know that you can see yourself growing old with this person, you just cannot pass it up. to you i look at with much admiration!
But for me, i have no plans to get married in this system, take it, if i do happen to come across the man thats perfect in my eyes then i'm not going to pass that up, but should that not happen.....i'm happy being single. i have no regrets and i know that in paradise i will find my perfect man and have our perfect kids.....so until then....CHEERS
good attitude matt! and it's when you get to the point that you are at that many times you do just fall in love with the right person and get married b/c you are secure in yourself. its a win-win situation b/c you are happy either way.