Funniest broadcaster quotes ever...you will laugh.

Jerry Coleman has been the Padres radio announcer for years, and some question exactly why. Take a look at these things he has said on-air during his career. I laughed so hard I cried on a couple of them, it's pretty hilarious.

All the Padres need is a fly ball in the air.

And it's a long drive down the line to centerfield.

And Kansas is at Chicago tonight or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas leads in the eighth four-to-four.

At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria.

At the end of six innings of play, it's Montreal 5, Expos 3.

Billy Almon has all of his inlaw and outlaws here this afternoon.

Bob Davis is wearing his hair differently this year, short and with curls like Randy Jones wears, I think you call it a Frisbee.

(Bruce) Benedict may not be hurt as much as he really is.

Davis fouls out to third in fair territory.

Edwards missed getting Stearns at third base by an eyeball.

Even though the ball was doubled, they got it anyway.

Finley is going over to get a new piece of bat.

Gaylord Perry and Willie McCovey should know each other like a book. They've been ex-teammates for years now.

Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.

He can be lethal death.

Hi folks, I'm Gerry Gross... Coleman!

Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.

I don't mean he missed him, but he just didn't get him when he put the tag on him.

If ever an error had F written on it, that grounder did.

If Pete Rose brings the Reds in first, they ought to bronze him and put him in cement.

If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck.

I sure hope you're staying alive for the upcoming Dodgers series.

It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.

It's off the leg and into the left field of Doug Rader.

I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over.

Jesus Alou is in the on-deck circus.

Johnny Grubb slides into second with a standup double.

Kent Abbott is in the on-deck circuit.

Last night's homer was Willie Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.

Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first.

McCovey swings and misses, and it's fouled back.

Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight.

Montreal leads Atlanta by three, 5-1.

National League umpires wear inside chest protesters.

On the mound is Randy Jones, the left-hander with the Karl Marx hairdo.

Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play.

Ozzie makes a leaping, diving stop, shovels to Fernando and everybody drops everything.

Pete Rose has three-thousand hits and three-thousand and fourteen overall.

Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen.

Ron Guidry is not very big, maybe 140 pounds, but he has an arm like a lion.

Sanguillen is totally unpredictable to pitch to because he's so unpredictable.

Sometimes, big trees grow out of acorns. I think I heard that from a squirrel.

That noise in my earphones knocked my nose off and I had to pick it up and find it.

That's Hendrick's 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures.

That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres -- two doubles and a triple.

The ballgame is over...in this inning.

The ex-left-hander Dave Roberts will be going for Houston.

The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No, wait a minute. It's ball one. Low and outside.

The game in St. Louis has been halted in the fourth inning because of rain. I'll bet they have the jacuzzis going there.

The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less than five.

The Padres, after winning the first game of the doubleheader, are ahead here in the top of the fifth and hoping for a split.

The Phillies beat the Cubs today in a doubleheader. That puts another keg in the Cubs' coffin.

There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul.

There's someone warming up in the bullpen but he's obscured by his number.

There's two heads to every coin.

The sky is so clear today you can see all the way to Missouri. (while at Royals Stadium)

The way he's swinging the bat, he won't get a hit until the 20th century.

They throw Winfield out at second and he's safe.

They've taken the foot off Johnny Grubb. Uh, they've taken the shoe off Johnny Grubb.

Thomas is racing for it, but McCovey is there and can't get his glove to it. That play shows the inexperience, not on Thomas' part, but on the part of Willie McC ... well, not on McCovey's part either.

Those numbers with Tony (Gwynn) are so often and so interesting.

Tony Gwynn, the fat batter behind Finley, is waiting.

Tony Taylor was one of the first acquisitions that the Phillies made when they reconstructed their team. They got him from Philadelphia.

Turner pulls into second with a sun-blown double.

Well, it looks like the all-star balloting is about over, especially in the National and American Leagues.

Winfield goes back to the wall, he hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base. This is a terrible thing for the Padres.

You didn't have to say it was gone. It was gone before it got outta here. It was gone that fast.

You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it.

You never ask why you've been fired because if you do, they're liable to tell you.

A day without newspapers is like walking around without your pants on.

Ozzie Smith just made a play that I have never seen before. And he's done it more times than anyone else.

There's a high pop-up behind second. Richardson has got it and he's under it.

Grubb goes back, back... He's under the warning track and makes the play.

Tito Fuentes is safe at second with a triple.

From the way Denny's shaking his head, he's either got an injured shoulder or a gnat in his eye.

The final score after eight innings is Giants 3, Padres 2.

Reggie Smith of the Dodgers and Gary Matthews of the homers hit Braves in that game.

Larry Lintz steals second standing up - he slid, but he didn't have to.

Young Frank Pastore may have just pitched the biggest victory of 1979, maybe the biggest victory of the year.

Here are a few by Mets broadcaster and former baseball great Ralph Kiner, who if you have heard him, sounds like he's half drunk while behind the mic.

All of the Mets' road wins against Los Angeles this year have been at Dodger Stadium.

We'll be back with the recrap after this message.

In the hunt to buy the San Francisco Giants was George Shinn, owner of the Charlotte Harlots.