Please Explain
by Now I do not consider myself to be an expert on anything. I am more or less learning as I go along... and with that as my formula of discovery, I need some help. I would like explaination as to why guys do the stuff they do.
1.) Tell a girl that he likes her, has had a crush on her for awhile... then when she reciprecates and agrees she'd like to get to know him - he ceases ALL contact.
2.) Mention to a girl that they do not want to see her with anyone else - but is not ready himself to get married.
3.) When saying goodbye, and the girl offers to shake hands and say goodnight - he offers a hug and says he doesn't believe in shaking hands. Then proceeds to ask for her phone number AND never calls her.
4.) Admit to his friends how amazing he feels this girl is. How he's never met anyone else ever like her... but never actually tells the girl this. She only hears it from other people.
5.) Returns phone calls days after the fact, only to be an awesome conversationalist and make the girl forget she hadn't heard from him in a week.
Now truthfully I am just wondering... I have friends that this has happened too and myself some. More or less I wanna know if maybe it's the girl that does something wrong... or is it the guy?
Give me some viewpoints on what the explaination is.
Perhaps this should be a forum... eh no lets leave it a journal. Love, Me.
AI Summary
103 Comments
My Dear Violet B. SUCH QUESTIONS! IMRBO (In my rather bitter opinion) I'd say that said guy just isn't ready to carry out a mature relationship.
Or that he's afraid to get too involved and retracts, even tho he's already shot off his mouth... and is too nervous to state that fact... (nonconfrontationalism sucks)
Or... He's just playing with the girl's heart...
Or he's a jerk
Or.... Do you want me to continue? Cuz I can.
Or maybe he's just a big flakey airhead... I don't know. I hope that whoever this has happened to is ok, and not too downhearted about these cases... There are (rumored to be) men/brothers out there who will make good husbands... And maybe these/this guy will grow up into good husband material. There's always hope... I'll shut up now... <3 Me
On Second thought... If he's telling everybody and his brother about you... well... Then he's prolly just shy around you (you as in um, the hypothetical girl), but really DOES like you... That would be nice. :D Patience might just be all that's needed. (something I am not that great at all the time...)
sounds to me that a guy like that likes to see how much game he can spit, but doesnt want a relationship. so he likes the chase but hes not ready for a committment and responsibility.
sounds like someone i know....
That's all the guy, not the girls at all. I think its just a sign of imaturity, he's not ready for anything, let alone life. I've never done any of those things, in fact total opposite.
Wow....I read Laurens posting and immediatly was going to say the exact same thing as Jesse...nice work dude.
Some times guys just don't think..they really don't. They're not always to blame for this..they just aren't made to think the way us ladies do. "He said he'd call tomorrow but it boy time that meant thursday," nothing is so true. This stuff happens all the time. Example: You talk about doing something really fun with a guy next saturday. You (the girl) think it's a definite thing and are all excited all week. The guy either is stupid and forgets or just thought it was one of those "we should do this sometime" things. Result? You sit by the phone all week waiting for confirmation and don't go out saturday night hoping he'll show up. The boy goes out with all his guy friends and has fun.
very true...but i dont think its always as innocent on the boys part...
..don't ruin my naive point of view!
Yeah but what about they plan something HUGE with you, on say, tuesday next, and then he keeps sayin all week yeah, he's gonna do it, (and by wednesday of the week before), even tho you ask and he says, yeah, we're gonna do it, you decided you know he's not going thru with it, and then The Day Eve, he fesses up, I guess I'm not gonna make it... On second thought, that's prolly your own dang fault for listening to it eh?
I'm telling you...go read Mars and Venus on a date. You will begin to understand men in a whole new way you never though possible. It like translates "man speak."
And what exactly is "man speak"? You women are no walk through the park to figure out.
It translates for women what men say. Also, it translates for men what women say.
The watchtower today explained some of that.
Oh yeah and guys are jerks. I wish it wasn't so but it is.
immature ones are
Well even mature are from time to time. Sad I know but true.
had a bunch of tough relationships with immature mature men huh
Man, I LOVED that article. There is a girl in my hall who is KNOWN for flirting, without caring about anyone she flirts with. (Trust me, I know....she did this to my husband years ago, when he was going through rough times...totally took advantage of him. And no, we were not together then.)
I kept looking over at her during the meeting (discreetly), and I swear I could see her cheeks getting redder and redder.
the only thing i didn't get in this study is how they gave the example of Jacob flirting with his wife. then in the next paragraph flirting was defined as showing attention to the opposite sex without intention to marry. if a married couple is flirting, how is this definition correct? i don't get it.
I don't have the article in front of me, but i think what it said was "there is room for proper amorous behavior" (then they mentioned that example and how its okay for married couples to display "amorous behavior". but i dont think they called it flirting. the word "flirt" really means to deal with playfully, not thinking.
boys are bad. :)
I so wish I could find that peom. lol
noone can seem to remember the words to it other than the first line. lol
theres a "boys are bad" poem??? lol
Yeah one of my sisters made it years and years ago. lol
It was pretty funny.
The sad part is that it was oh so true. lol
o man i have one of those two! me and this year Tara J made it up freshman year... i'll look for it and post it
Ah so my sister wasn't the only one. lol
no she totally wasn't... here is mine:
WE LIKE BOYS!!! (ITS ALRITE, ITS ALRITE)
(well, some) (most of the time)
BOYS... BOYS... BOYS....
Every girl knows that "boys are bad".
Some are nice, the others are just "mad"
He's not just mad at me, he's "mad at the world" too,
but don't you just hate it when it takes it all out on you?
Boys need to learn how to treat girls right,
We shouldn't go online and always start a fite.
Sending emails of hate isn't all that nice,
If you ask me, this boy needs to chill out on some ice.
On the other hand, there are some better ones,
walkin in their wife beaters, showing off those guns.
Ya, sure, he's hot, sexy, and you wanna have his baby,
but sure enough he's taken, and there goes his lady.
With the sweet guys taken, and the hot guys gay,
it's hard to get the perfect guy, but we keep trying anyway.
When you like a guy, its hard to tell him how you feel,
each time you see him, you make it a big deal.
guys need to understand that girls need love too,
they should think of us with everything they do.
dont you wish you could find the perfect man,
i believe if i could, than anyone else can.
Some one should have taught ys from the bein'
that there is to be found 'no honesty in men'
Boys, boys, boys- we luv 'em yes we do
boys, boys, boys - if only they loved ua too
Some times you think- "why do i like that boy?"
Your friends all say- "he treats you like a toy"
No matter what other people say,
you love that boy more every day
The boys we choose are the hottest in town!
Who cares if they're not the nicest around!
haha ok just remember... that was written freshman year... hence the cornyness
very cool -
With the sweet guys taken, and the hot guys gay,
i love this line. hahahah.
this is so cute!!!!
watch swingers with your male friends and you shall get all the answers hun! (kidding)
1. This is true when the guy wants the chase, when he finally cathes the girl it's no longer a chanllenge therefore he moves on to someone else.
2. Guys aren't like (most) girls, planning the wedding after the first date. He does want to get to know her and it wouldn't be fair if someone else was in the picture and only after he gets to know her then he'll know if marriage is what he wants.
3. they feel they are going to hurt the girl if he says "thanks" and walk away...so he thinks its a "sweet gesture" OR he may want to get to know her then realize she may not be interested, etc then just give up and not call back....guys are strange (watch that episode of friends where chandler goes on a date and has NO intentions of asking a girl out again but then asks for her #)
4. He's shy and i think this is the cutest sometimes....
5. serioulsy watch swingers (edited version)
All in all I don't know if i should've answered these questions, who am i....guys only make sense when you don't expect much until you're really in tune with them. As always get to know them as your friend cause you'll either gain the best mate (pain free) or you'll gain the bestest friend ever and he'll be great to give you advice & the "ins" on the next "potential"
Hahaha and even when you are very in tune with them you probably still will be disappointed a lot because that's just the way girls are. It's partly our fault. We can't help taking ideas like "maybe we can go out next friday" and running with them until it becomes "let's get married next friday"
That actually happened with this brother that I know. He was going to MTS and this sister was interested in him and he told her he couldn't and explained to her about MTS. Well he went and got done and like the week he is back this sister gave him a call and it seems she took what he said to mean that once he was done with MTS they were getting married. Needless to say it was a rough situation.
thats sad, but the majority of girls think that marriage is in the works when the guy asks for the first "date"....i don't know, i'm SO not the typical girl....
very good questions... ones that i have often wondered myself...
Well I must say there is a tremendous amount of wisdom in everything that everyone of you has said. This posting is a combination of conversations I have had with some friends of mine. I guess we have all had it happen... I just wanted to ask what the general concensus is about it all. Thanks.
persue men, not boys
I find that all the jerks in the world manage to find the nice girls and ruin it for the rest of us... im sorry you found one of the jerks... get dan to hit on him... he will stay away!
mike schiano you're my hero... lol.
i think people are thinking that all of those cicumstances are the same guy with the same girl... just to explain... im pretty sure every guy is different in those situations... and few of them have different girls in them too.
my summation(although you already know how i feel):
guy 1 & girl 1:guy1 is an idiot...just wants to see if he can seize and concour...girl1 is left hurt & bewildered.
guy2 & girl2:guy2 is just really immature and not ready for a relationship. is overprotective of his girl friends, and yet, still not ready to make commitment....girl2 is once again left hurt, bewildered, and a little more confused then with guy1.
guy3 & girl3:this guy is the type of guy that most girls read into things with. hes just being a nice guy...(wow ive had that happen to me BIG time) girl3, basically is just caught in the wind grasping on every last word this guy says hoping it means something..when in actuallity...IT DOESNT!
guy4 & girl4 okay this guy is a guy your FRIENDS LOVE. b/c it gives them something to talk about... yet makes you feel utterly confused...your friends will give you something everytime you feel as if theres no more hope in this guy just to keep you wondering... theyre like your heroine addiction...once you feel like youve quit...they supply you with just a little bit more of a dose.
guy5 & girl5:Now guy5 is a little different from the rest in my opinion...i think this guy is genuinly trying to get to know girl5, and trying to figure out where she stands..and in effect where he stands also. Maybe hes not completely ready for a relationship at the moment... but this guy isnt one to let go of... the reason i say this is b/c out of all the guys you say that he is "an awesome conversationalist and make the girl forget she hadn't heard from him in a week"... girl5 is still left confused a little.. but in the end i think this guy5 is a winner.
and that is what my opinion is... take it or leave it...
now your comment #29 makes a lot more sense.
and it's "conquer". not "concour". haha.
did i ever tell you're my hero - your everything I want to be... if I could fly higher than an eagle - cause Tina you are the wind beneath my wings... luv yah girl - ur awesome.
i will explain with a series of sounds
ook, gock, flee, flum, hoop, ha, fee, fud, and up and say hi
Im just gonna throw this out there for the heck of it...I recently ate a terrible dinner at a fake Italian food place known as Olive Garden. The conversation turned to dating, and one girl said to the other "Hey, you'd like this guy...he's nice, but not too nice." THAT STATEMENT RIGHT THERE (or as Nelly would say Therrrre) is why men will never completly understand women. Do girls want nice? semi-nice? mean? party nice with a chance of mean?
They want to be 'friends' with the nice guy and marry the semi-nice or bad guy. They then complain to their 'friend' that life is miserable. Meanwhile the 'friend' has always been in love with the girl and supports her from the start.
It's the Ducky syndrome. I think I'm cursed.
hmmm, i think you can be "too" nice....like you can't take the lead, a girl wants someone she can look up to and not walk all over and sometimes when the guy is TOO nice, you can tell him what to do and thats not good....it has to be balanced
well said
side note: finally an italian person who recogonizes and hates olive garden! i'm dying to know...do you hate macaroni grill as well??
Macaroni Grill is a lot better then the Olive Garden. And their house wine is really good.
now forreste... did you know.. that sir adam pepitone... is more puerto rican than any other background? he is 35% PR... and the lesser, is Italian which is only 25%... so no, my dear, he is not a TRUE Italian.
Man, when was he Knighted? The Queen is just handing them out left and right.
i didn't know!
I hate Olive Garden and any plce that uses glorified ketchup for sauce. Ive tried Macaroni Grill for the first time...(they have none in NYC) and really liked it...I heard a dirty rumor that it has the same owners as Olive Garden, but I choose not to believe it.
must be the puerto rican talking...lol
OHHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP! hahahaha good job Forreste!
haha sorry adam i had to
HEY! I'm Puerto Rican!
it wasn't a hit on puerto ricans. you are great!
I'm Puerto Rican AND born in Puerto Rico! I'm GREATER.
whoa you learn something new everyday
it's true!
watch it there, or the 25% German in me will start to get fiesty.
hahaha ill step off
German's are inferior.
at least we know the proper use of apostrophes, Jesse.
he is rather helpful in educating circumstances
hey man, I was a C/D English student. Back then I had the attitude that if I could speak, read, and understand it that's all that mattered.
How foolish I was.
yo, say that to mr. hitler
I have germans in my briefcase. When i go there they bite my hand, but i cant cry because i need important documents, they are so important that if i dont get them then the germans wont let me have lunch, i put it in there its dark and cool thats why
I think it means a guy that's nice and kind and has a good heart, but is not gonna be "too nice" to stand up for the girl like let's say if someone's being mean to her, he's not just gonna sit there and take it, he'll say something, like "your tone, it's all wrong, do it again and i'll stab you in the eye with a soldering iron"
ya know, somethin like that
like he's nice, but not "homo" nice
How did the term "homo" come about? We're all "homo"'s we're just Homo-Sapien's.
"homo" means "same" ... it came from the term "homo-sexual" as in preference of the "same" sex.
homogenous is a cool word.. forgot what it means at the moment though.. something to do with milk? i duno
homogenized milk. it's the same throughtout and does not seperate.
I am homogenous!
Ok, so define sapeins.
LOL, Walken is the man!
Truly! Only HE could have said that line and made it work.
does your muddah sew? tell her to sew that!
women are only good for one thing. Badminton partners!
LOL....one of friends and i went to this badmiton club in anaheim and we played and had the BEST time, but it was SO funny! we almost got kicked out for "not taking the game too seriously" LOL
How do you take that seriously?
there's no way and we were like a foot taller than all that were there! LOL
yea badminto rocks my socks. it's kinda like when you find that perfect foot lotion... and then you apply the lotion and it feels so good on the feet, that it rocks your socks.
woman are very confusing,we just dont really know what we want I think,, not exactly, but maybe a rough idea.
I wanted everything in one package, and fortunatly I got it.
Was it wrapped in a nice ribbon?
TOOT TOOOT TOOOOOOT!......
If any girl needs to understand any 18-25 year old guy who is into music and analyzation...try and catch High Fidelity on TV or just pick up the book.
Great flick.
It's not always the guy. I happen to be a gooey gushy guy that is straight forward with women. I always told my wife how I felt for her and tried to show it as well by doing extra things for her. Now I'm separated from her and looking at a possible divorce, because she has her head in the clouds. I shouldn't say possible. It is going to happen. She is seeing another guy and it is only a matter of time before she does the nasty with him. Needless to say, I have cut myself off from talking to her. She has ruined my life. Apparently she never grew up and she's 25!!
So ladies and gentleman, be wise in your decisions when courting a person. The best people are the straight forward ones, not ones that hide their feelings. Because if a person hides their feelings, you are in for some trouble down the road like I am in now. It will be especially worse if kids are involved. Now my kids will probably experience psychological damage because their mother is a fool and broke up her family.
So stay away from people that don't express their true feelings.
this is true.
Our PO gave a talk on commitment and marriage and he brought out 1 thing that doesn't come natural for a man or a woman, for a man, love doesn't come natural and for a woman respect doesn't come natural. He proceeded to direct the talk to the single brothers and said "no matter how much in love you are, if you feel that she can't respect you and your headship, the marriage will never work..." then he proceeded with the sisters "no matter how much in love you are with him, if you can't follow his lead and respect him, the marriage will never work" and i find this to be so in my experiences anyway....
Yeah. My wife never did respect my headship. But it also didn't help that she isn't a witness. She termed me as a control freak. I at least know what to look for in any relationship I have in the future. Sorry girls, but being HOT isn't enough.
it really isn't i agree.
I'm truly sorry you're going through this!
Well, it's my own fault really. I chose a woman in the world and now I'm paying the price. I feel bad all the time for the kids. They are only 4 and 2 and now they will probably have no memory of their parents being together. It is truly sad. I have a vacation video from last April sitting on my dresser, that if I watched right now would probably leave me in tears. She doesn't think it'll have an effect on them. She is sadly mistaken. As soon as they're old enough and see other kids with both of their parents together it will hit them. For some kids it is tragic. That is my only fear. If I had no children, believe me I'd be like "See you lady, don't let the door hit you on the way out". She is the only one that doesn't think what she is doing is wrong. And then to disrespect me and not wait the required 18 months for a divorce before seeing someone else boils my blood. It just makes her look like a slut. People in the world are really messed up.