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Ok, so i've never written anything on eZabel that was too meaningful. I've been bitter, insightful, humorous, sarcastic, caustic, random, bizzare, musical, friendly, etc... And even now i think i'll dodge it, but here it goes. I was reminded in a terrible way Saturday, at my bro's engagement party, that I miss my second car, when i saw a car that looked just like my first car. THERE IS a point to all of this, however it is at the end.

My first car was a black '91 2 door cavalier. It was my first love. I put in a stereo with all radio shack components, so it was crappy, but mine. I don't need much in a car, just dependability and a stereo to keep me occupied. It didn't go very fast, and after about 75 it had to be FLOORED and the cd player rattled. If you hit a bump, the windshield wipers would go on. But one day when my bro was driving, it got totaled. I missed it terribly. It was all i knew, but alas, not for long.

When we had to get another car, we got the same car, just 3 model years later and a stick shift. So i couldn't do anything with it and i resented it initially. But it had everything i never knew i lacked. It had speed, it had control in all weather, it was a great greenish blue color, and i could put the stereo of my dreams in it and i did. There was more into the stereo than i paid for the car. It lasted for a long time. But alas hard times came, and the car had to be shelved. My bro and sis held it at a lot for the day when we might need it again.

I however, moved on and got another car, my former Silver Focus. It was fast, had an ok stereo system to begin with, working a/c, etc... These were things all of the sudden i couldn't live without. But i had taken the job i was working at and forsook my second car all for this car. Soulless, i drove it, but i never bonded with it. I got in a number of accidents with it, not my fault but still always on the way to or from work.

I have none of these cars now. But if i could get one back it would be the second. It would be the one that mattered most to me. The one that i spent the most meaningful time with. Sure the black car was my first and the focus was the most advantageous. But i've not had the fun in any car since that one. The BEST stories in a car I assure you. And many of the regular variety. I felt the most free with that green car.

So THIS is the preponderance with which i found myself Saturday. If my 1st car had never been totaled, i would not have been lucky enough to find that green car. But if i had kept that green car, i never would have had the focus and known how truly great the green car was. I would have wondered for a long time how great a new car was, not knowing how much the wrong new car is way worse.

So if i had kept the black i might have been happy, but in a foolish way. But i only miss it i guess cuz i do not have the green car. On paper, the silver car should have been the best, but it was the worst for me, in every category. But in the end, it was the silver car that was my undoing. Because in december, without telling me, my sis disposed of the car, which i had been counting on and thought i might have had when i no longer wanted the silver car. So because of the silver car, i can no longer have the green car. My auto life is a tragedy..