Bittersweet
I hate moving. I think I've moved about 12 times in my 19 years. But this last one was significant because I moved out on my own for the first time. I didn't have to move, it was just one of my crazy ideas, a self-made challenge. It all started in September 2003 when I began college. I knew it was the right thing for me. I needed to get a job to support pioneering, my ultimate goal. But I wanted to start pioneering right then, and focus on school without having to work. Well, that just wasn't possible. So, I accepted it and tried to get into my routine of school, work, meetings and service. I got bored really fast. Since I was studying Sign Language in college, I naturally wanted to see what the Sign Language congregation in Nutley, NJ was about. So I visited one day and just like that, I was hooked. So, there I am, standing before my mom with charts and graphs my P.O. had helped me draw up, to prove I totally could do this...move out. Well, I did it. I got a good gig, I transferred to a better college, and I was a member of the Sign Language congregation. It's been 8 months now and it's time to go back home. But I sacrificed a whole lot for this learning experience! It was hard eating breakfast, lunch and dinner in my car between school, work, and meetings...eating alone. And who knew living just an hour away would leave me SO out of the loop or how hard it was gonna be to make new friends, going to meetings, assemblies and to the Memorial without my family. These are things you don‘t prepare for or rather, that you don’t think will affect you. I've heard stories of how people move because they hate where they live and stories of people who move and hate it so much, they move back. I would take either of those circumstances any day. At least I’d have clarity. I love where I'm from and loved my new home. A Dunkin' Donuts on every corner full of people of every ethnicity, Jersey’s best diners, 25 minutes to the city, good paying jobs, the best shopping ever, internet access @ the laundromat [NICE!] Coming back definitely doesn’t put things back the way they were, and good thing. It’s all about progress. I’m different, my mom’s different, my brother’s different, my cat’s different (fattened up a bit) and new people and circumstances have entered the picture. Another learning experience is about to begin…
So I’m sure most of you have experienced moving. How did it affect you? Please share your anecdotes, observations, and realizations. Maybe it will help me confirm some of my own.
AI Summary
44 Comments
hmm, ive moved 2 times in my life... one from the place i was born... and then out onto my own... it was pretty cool experience... moving into my own apt was fun, paying the bills on the other hand was NOT! But good goals! rock on... i was pioneering for my first year then went right to school... it was a hard transition to move from spirtual upbuilding people all around you to, the losers at school. It was hard, but I got through it.
Yea it was fun, definitely a cool experience. It was fun to shop for apartment stuff too. Who knew how exhilarating it would be to buy your very own spatula. Not me.
Ok, I moved a lot... I think I talk enough about having moved to Europe and back...but sometimes I have friends who didn't know I lived there, they didn't miss me much.
First - make new friends ASAP. When I moved I was like "yo, I already have friends at home, I don't need any more". And that was stupid. Why did I do that? I don't know.
Second - Don't compare. Everyone will be like "what was it like where you come from?" Change the subject to soemthing you like about your new location, or something interesting you saw or learned in your new place. Don't be like "Well, at home, it's better because..."
Third - People who ask you the standard questions - "What's your name, where are you from?" (see dictionary under-Bethel) - people don't really care where you're from or what your name is. They just want to feel special b/c they talked to the new person, or they want to hear your accent, or whatever else. Tell them you want to talk about something else. Otherwise they'll say "oh you're from X, do you know Joe?" (And provide no last name at all). Like there are only 10 people wherever you came from, so you MUST know their friend. Ridiculous.
Fourth - try and dress or act like the people where you're going to. So you fit in. This is important. Then, you're more accepted, instead of a novelty. My friend Ken used to say "Everyone wants to hang out with the new guy just once". And he was right. Make it so they want to hang out with you multiple times.
Fifth - Get involved with the congregation as much as possible. That helps you get comfortable, helps push you to study and go to the meetings since you won't have your family asking "Are you going to the meeting?" (Everyone who lives at home says "yeah i push myself, i'm an adult", sure it's easy when your mom is making dinner. But when you move out and have to make dinner and clean up and you're tired from work, TRUST ME, you have to push yourself. Studying for the meetings thoroughly helps a lot, because then you want to learn other people's ways of presenting that same information.)
some of your advice is insane, lol. I agree with not comparing and with getting involved in the congregation.
why must you mock my advice. it all makes sense in my world.
Amen, where were you 8 months ago?? :o) You are so right about people not caring about where you're from or who you are. People didn't want a crash course in Alana 101. They're like "So you're here. That's nice. What do you have to offer us?"
i was here. you just didn't ask me the questions.
You're right...but better late than never! I'll put some of your advice to use in the new congregation I'll be joing next week. B.F.F! haha
wow dan, i'm really impressed with your advice...i think you should write a book about it or something...good stuff
HA. and that's only five minutes worth. imagine a few hours.
thank you though :) .... that means a lot actually, coming from you (above comment not said in a mean, or sarcastic way. merely truthful. read into that what you want. no, not YOU. Tinser.)
I went to my first meeting last night. Everyone was very welcoming, and it helps I know a few of them just from living in the same area all these years. Well, there was this one sister who was doing exactly what you said not to: "Don't be like 'Well, at home, it's better because...'" I could tell she was having a hard time adjusting. I tried to focus on the present and the positive and that made me feel better cuz I struggle with some of the same feelings. If you keep the convo upbuilding you tend to forget the negative things and you walk away feeling good. Thanks!
Hmm, I moved once. Not far enough to lose friends, but still had to make new ones in the congergation. I'm finding the only good way to do this is to go out in service.
or street fights... another good way to meet long lasting friends.
Mrs Hochereich loved hamsters, ask Mike.
Confession: I don't love hamsters *gasp* I know, I know, surprising huh? It's just the name of a funny song I heard the other day.
no i was talking about Michael and his teacher who used to do some weird stuff with hamsters in his class.
Tonight was my last meeting :o( When they announced it, everyone broke their necks and started signing "What's up? Why? For-for? Move where?" from across the KH. Just like the deaf to do somethin' like that :o) They're so sweet. The elders told me to keep on and not to get distracted. [I'm thinking to myself, duh? of course not!] Guess they've seen too many that don't follow thru. But when they found out that I was moving to a deaf group, they were happy I'd still be involved in Sign. The sisters were very encouraging, so many hugs. The brothers from bethel all came to shake my hand. And the deaf brothers and sisters, God bless them. They told me to never give up learning Sign, to keep searching for deaf. They all noted how my signing improved since joining (thanx to Jeh. and to THEM) And that was the whole idea.
hmm...i moved homebase once in infancy and then once at 4 and then never-until next week. i crave change. i think its exciting and wonderful. its also jarring and a little scary. im ready for anything and hoping for the best. the area im moving to is basically rural which is a huge change. when my parents visited the congregation, there were almost 100 more in attendance than the congregation i attend now usually has. my dad says one comment per watchtower study tops. that will be a big adjustment. i will have to save up my chances. also, i will be 30-40 minutes from the beach instead of 30-40 minutes from manhattan. thats not a bad trade off. im leaving my 3 years established herb garden, but getting almost 5 acres to do whatever i want with. i will have my own bathroom, bedroom and guest room. thats amazing considering for most of my life ive been in a smallish room sharing a bathroom with up to 6 ppl. the house is brand new built to our specs opposed to 100+ years. im leaving my job of 8 years. ive almost forgotten how to interview. however, my boss' sister-in-law and her husband own a company where im moving and have expressed interest in employing me. maybe i wont really have to interview.
idk...im up and down about it. i guess once it gets going ill know more how im feeling.
yo. comment as many times as you can get called on. i've been to halls like that and just kept raising my hand. i've even raised my hand at circuit assemblies, when they people assigned to comment are sitting in the front row. i have points to share!
i figure maybe its about time i learned me how to stay quiet and listen like woman should.
seriously i am a fanatic-verge-of-obnoxious commenter. i should just study the watchtower with some folks and say whatever i want to say then. sometimes, if i dont get a comment out i was looking forward to, i actually call a friend to tell somebody and see if it makes sense.
"stay quiet like a woman should?"
is this some kind of joke? i'm an advocate for women in the kitchen and all, but "stay quiet like women should?" nah. although compulsive commenters sometimes make it harder for those who have a hard time commenting. make's 'em feel bad about not making multiple points in one comment or not tying it up just right or even for just commenting once. but three times at a WT isn't insane. do it up!
The point has been made that in any study the first comment should be a simple basic answer and that the following ones are supposed to elaborate on that. It's also recommended to cover one point in your comments so as too leave things open for others. On a personal level people that make the first comment and comment on everything in the paragraph bug me because no point is really being made or sticking out you might as well just reread the paragraph when that is done.
Word.
yeah twas a joke. do i need to start following every joke up with "jk" until you all learn my dry humor?
i usually try to limit my commenting to once a page though. i generally average 5-6 comments a lesson. i most def follow the commenting outlines from the tms school textbook. i try to keep my comments short and to the point whether they are direct answers, scriptures or elabos bc i find my mind wandering when ppl get long winded.
I need help in this area. Especially in sign when you have to stand up in front of everyone or be put on camera...
Yeah it can be very disconcerting seeing yourself while trying to answer. My sister hates it.
When you're commenting on camera you can't look or it will disturb your whole essence! Out of the corner of my eye I wait to see me pop up on the screen but I never look directly.
Yeah my sister made that mistake last week and it totally threw her off. Joel told her from now on to just look at him and he will let her know when it's on her so it doesn't happen again.
when i gave a comment at an asl cong once i ran up to the stage gave my teeny comment and ran down. everyone laughed at me. that was before the advent of cameras. i shudder to think of how many laughs id get checking myself out in the monitor.
this one deaf brother raised his hand to comment and when he was called on he took his comb out of his back pocket and was totally fixin' his hair and didn't realize he was on..it was hilarious.
oh, i would do that or be applying some lip gloss.
I crave change alot too. I get bored if I'm not doing something new or stimulating. You've got a drastic change ahead of you. And writing this journal, I've come to another conclusion. "I've heard stories of how people move because they hate where they live and stories of people who move and hate it so much, they move back. I would take either of those circumstances any day. At least I’d have clarity." I take this back. The fact that I can be happy in both places is a blessing. If I had to move back, I wouldn't mind so much at all.
Funny moving story! I asked Brian to carry my air conditioner in cuz it's extremely heavy. So he takes it out of my trunk and proceeds to throw the cord around his neck like a scarf cuz it was dragging on the ground. He starts walking, then stops and says "This is heavy, if I drop this, I'm dead. Alana, get it off me! Now, before I flip out!"
HAHA! It was dumb to put the cord around my neck. I felt my hand slip and I'm thought "this cord around my neck could really hurt me if i drop this, GET IT OFF!" oh, boy. never a dull moment.
This is based on me. To want to move for me was very much an overtaking urge. I can't explain why I wanted to move so much. But, then you do what you want to do, and it's not easy... especially for someone who has lived in the same house their whole life and never moving anywhere with parents, let alone move out on own, and then to not move to a different town or a different state, but a different country.. and not a neighboring country that's a only short distance, but across a big ocean, and a country with different culture.
I've definately at times during these last couple months, wondered, should I come back to New Jersey where things will be easier, and won't make my bank account go bust. Job searching every day is very exhausting and frustrating when you know your doing everything you can.. walking for hours on end into places of business, writing tedious cover letters, applying on the Internet & email, phoning up when over here even local calls cost money, etc etc etc.
But, I prayed to Jehovah numerous times about needing work, and tried to do all I could with finding work, and tried to hang in there for just awhile longer, because I would never be able to take advantage of the opportunity again. This is time I am single, and this is the time to do it. And, after 2 months of worrying, I've been payed off, because I got a call today from one employer that they've hired me. I was so pleased that I thanked Jehovah in tearful prayer.
Eventually, I'll hafta go back to the States, but so happy that I'll get this brief experience anyway, that I think will definately build up my character, when loads of people I think pretty much expected me to not last and be back within a month from being abroad, or not even leave to live on my own at all.
Good stuff! That's awesome Robbie. Make it last as long as you can out there!
Thanks.
Postscript: name's Maestro
Be proud of your name!
I dont know what we're all talking about but i noticed a few large paragraphs so i wanted to join in on the action. i dont know what we're yelling about. i love lamp. i love lamp. i ate a cheese cracker dipped in juices of the apricot. i love the chinese people and their hair. i love fish
Yes but what about birds do you like birds?