A Family Affair
by Man, I don't write a journal for a couple months and now I write two in a row.
How many in this extended family have relatives that aren't in the truth? I do. My brother and his wife just had a baby (her pic is my user pic). My brother called me last night to let me know the date of her christening. I was really surprised to hear that they were baptizing her, because neither my brother nor his wife ever go to church. Notwithstanding that, he said they actually thought before they scheduled it if I'd have a problem going. Somehow, they came to the conclusion that I wouldn't, even though I wasn't a bridesmaid in their wedding because it was in a Catholic church.
The point is, my brother is putting pressure on me to go. Obviously, I'm not going to, but I'm not sure how to explain it to him. He says it's not a religious thing to him, it's more about me supporting he and his wife and their new baby. I told him that isn't the way I see it, and that a baptism is intricately linked with religion. I said I wouldn't be comfortable going. Then he said that he wasn't comfortable in the Kingdom Hall at my wedding, but he suffered through it for me. How can I counter that?
My husband said I should let him know that although he sees the situation as supporting family, I see it as deeply religious, and just because his convictions aren't as strong as mine, doesn't mean that I should put my beliefs aside (I would word that more nicely). That sounds reasonable to me, but I feel horrible because I don't want him to think that I'm putting him in second place to everything. Then again, in a choice between him and God, he obviously can't win. But since he's not religious at all, he can't understand how I feel about the god I worship.
Has anyone every been in a similar situation? I'm sort of at a loss for what to tell him that won't hurt his feelings. Any suggestions would be really helpful.
AI Summary
28 Comments
none of my extended family are witnesses. my dads family is totally fine with whatever degree we participate in the activities. no complaints. for example: funerals-we go to the wake at the funeral parlor but leave the room during any religious stuff and meet them after mass in the church parking lot and then go to the burial; weddings-we go to the reception but not the ceremony if its in a church. my moms family doesnt invite us to weddings or receptions at all, not like there has been alot of them to go to, and they are farther away. i think this is bc when my uncle got married my mom was invited to be in the wedding but she declined so they didnt invite her at all. then the rest of the family followed that example. funerals with my moms family are pretty much the same as with my dads. i think the most imporant thing is to go with your conscience and be consistant.
I appreciate that. My brother has mentioned to me that he thinks I'll "grow out" of this religion sometime. He thinks I'll eventually change my mind about it, so he keeps asking me to do things like this.
maybe when you explain why you wouldn't go to a christening, you could explain the meaning of baptism to you, and how you've dedicated your LIFE to serving Jehovah God. This doesn't mean that you can waver in faith, because baptism is a serious decision. You made the decision to become baptised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses because you saw truth in what you were taught, and took it seriously.
i don't get why he's making such a big deal of it when he's not religious anyway. maybe you could (tactfully) explain to him why christening and infant baptism are contrary to bible teachings and ask him why he would even want to do that in the first place
That is kinda what i was thinking-if he's not religious, why is he even baptizing the baby? it has to be based on some belief that you obviously don't agree with. and going to the KH for your wedding made him uncomfortable-probably wasn't necessarily bc of the same reasons YOU are uncomfortable. Maybe it's b/c he's not religious or whatever and it creeps him out-whatever. You have a solid reason for being uncomfortable.
This is tough...my friend's dad is an unbeliever and very much into family but half of them are in the truth, half are not. So with her, consistency is KEY. Also, once you simply explain why you won't be attending and give a firm answer, you don't have to let him keep bugging you. So, he came to your wedding at the Kingdom Hall...did you have to beg him to disregard HIS conscience?
That's what I'm having trouble explaining to him -- to me, it's conscience, to him, it has nothing to do with that. I can't get him to understand that some things are more important to me than to him; I take things more seriously. To him, it's just supporting your family.
maybe you can bring out how you would truly LOVE to be there, to be with family and such but not in this setting. It's hard for them because (even tho they never go to church) this is an occasion that is really important to them and they want the whole family to share it with..so you can help them see that you care about them and can appreciate that this is a special time for them but you won't be attending...list your reasons, not that they don't know already. The pressuring can make you feel like you have to explain more but that's not always the case.
That helps, thanks. :)
you're welcome!! It's only me, my mom and my brother who are in the truth in my family and back in the day they used to trick us into coming to birthday parties! They would have us come over for "dinner" and we'd end up in the middle of a birthday! But after awhile, and explaining to them again and again how it made us uncomfortable, they got the idea. But I sure do miss the free gifts! ;)
what kind of gift ISN'T free?
I saw that coming...
the kind with strings attached.
kites, yo-yos and marionettes?
hey, did anyone else watch mr rogers? i liked it when he went to the marionette shop. that was super cool.
yay for Mr. Rogers when I was little...too bad he died.
Mr Rogers was a stripper. Hey kids would you like to watch me undress?
i dont really like you for saying that, patrick. i always change my shoes and put my hair up when i come home. its my little mr rogers ritual.
i know. i was saddened. i spent the whole day google-ing him.
i just bought this last week:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1401301061/qid=1102013448/sr=8-1/ref=pd_csp_1/002-1192525-0375256?v=glance&s=books&n=507846
it very good. also, i plan to visit:
http://www.idlewild.com/mr.cfm
want to come?
sounds like fun...google-ing him..see that's what Patrick was talkin about..gross.
yeah.. the difference is that your conscience is based on bible principles. you may have to help him understand that.
responded to the wrong one.
wow, todd, you are awfully fiesty today. im seeing a whole new side of you.
why don't you say that to my private message box?
(I'm full of vigor and vim...and something else, too)
apparently its something disturbing.
who, you did? my reply is in the right place..
yeah, it was me, sorry