Arithmetics
by ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
AI Summary
21 Comments
I think my favorite part is the last one about old aunts
witty stuff. should be formatted though, ian are you going to make a way to format this without having to use html?
sorry...i forgot to do that :(
i love cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeses
that's hilarious! old aunts..ha ha ha!
hahahahah! i am rolling on the floor. "you're next" married men are more willing to die." whenever i see sux2beme as the writer i get excited and rarely are dissapointed.
if you love him so much why dont you just maaaaary him? hahaha
he's already married. right?
regretfully, right malibu?
yeah i know right. i wanted to hook you two up. i know mike goes for that.
goes for what julia?
i just felt like saying that line. its from peewee herman :)
if he is we can go to the nudist colony i've heard so much about and find someone there
date and time?
i know u r but what am i?
that's so sweet...i have an idea for my next stream of consciousness; i just need to sit down and write it up...
here's some dissapointment for ya, this is an email forward
i'm not disappointed...what's ur point?
there's a point on the top of your head.
YOU'RE a point!
oooooooooooo....so original!!!!
well, ur just a big poopy pants, ok?