From David's Inbox- Marriage

After a hiatus... something finally good hit my inbox...

RED SKELTON'S TIPS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and
mine is in Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way
back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I
suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and

electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there
was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me "In the Lake."

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the
mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.

12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name
was Always.

13. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like
to interrupt her.

14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on
the TV?" I said "Dust!"

(Note: For all you youngsters... Red Skelton was a famous comedian.. he died some years ago and some of our more vintage eZabelers may remember his weekly comedy show in the early '70's..)