A Sad Story With a Happy Ending

Good Evening.

This is the 5th time I have spoken to you from this office, where so many decisions have been made that shaped the history of this fine Web Site. Each time I have done so to discuss with you some matter than I believe affected the national interest.

In all the decisions I have made in my public life, I have always tried to do what was best for Ezabel. Throughout the long and difficult period of the poll scandal, I have felt it was my duty to persevere, to make every possible effort to complete the term of office to which you elected me...er..to which I elected me.

If I had known Ian was going to let me fry like that...I never would have admitted to my crime. But...It's all good, no harm done right? And hey, I thought it was a good idea at the time. I would have preferred to carry through to the finish whatever the personal agony it would have involved, and my family unanimously urged me to do so. But the interest of Ezabel must always come before any personal considerations, or risk to life and limb...like the time I got beat up by the gang of Amish girl scouts.

Therefore, effective noon tomorrow, I shall resi...Actually come to think of it...those girl scouts were HOT! What am I complaining about?! Forget this, I'm not resigning, people, I've changed my mind. A healing process is needed here on Ezabel, but guess what? That's right, your man Matt is the cure.

Peace out! May God's grace be with you in all the days ahead!