Brian Regan Hates Me

So here's part of the dream I had the other night:

I'm in a comedy club and Brian Regan is performing. As usual, he's killing the crowd, putting on a great show. Anyway, he gets off the stage and comes and sits down at the table I'm at. The host comes to the mike and says "let's give a big hand to Brian Regan everybody!" the audience cheers and then the host says, "would anyone from our audience like to come up here and give it a shot? How about you sir?" pointing to me. I say, "oh no thanks I'm good" laughing. "no, come on up here, let's see what you got!"

So I go up on stage, and I'm trying to think of what I'm going to use for my bit, and the only thing I can think of was the topic of preventative medicine that Todd was talking about the other day. So I start my bit, "Yeah, so I've always been a big proponent of preventative medicine. Well... not so much preventative medicine as preemptive infection. Like, I'm planning on going to Newark next week so I'm going to shoot myself in the kneecaps before I go, ya know, so I won't have to worry about it when I get there." Also, halfway through my performance, Todd walks in and tries to "correct" my jokes, so I feel like I'm kinda getting on a roll, but he's like "oh matt, don't forget to tell them this part" and so I would kinda lose my train of thought.

Okay, so maybe I didn't do the bit as well as I could have but come on, this WAS a dream remember. Anyway, so I finish up and the crowd applauds, not thunderous like Brian Regan's, but pretty decent. I go back to my table and Brian Regan is still sitting there, but for some reason he looks really mad about something. I say "everything ok?" and he just kind sits there pouting a little, "no, it's nothing." So I say "I can tell you're mad about something, what's the matter?" So he turns to me and says, "You are SO selfish." ... "what?" I say, "What the heck are you talking about??" he continues, "Look... this is my livelihood. This is what I do for a LIVING. And you just went up there, and made a total MOCKERY of it. I'm out there every night, busting my butt so I can feed my family, and you apparently feel like you can just get up there with your big city ways and steal the show!"

So at this point I'm just in shock thinking this guy is a total lunatic so I say, "You must be out of your mind! I was dragged up there, it's not like I pushed my way up there. I wasn't trying to blow up anybody's spot, I was just trying not to make a fool out of myself! You're just a hater!!" And so I storm away from the table, really mad at that jerk.

Anyway, so I think Brian Regan hates me.