My husband's and my familes are completely different. They don't get along at all. I tolerate my husband's family because we're in the same congregation (that's also one of the reasons I want to move, though).

My family has always been very independent; we're not the type to call each other just to say hi. My husband's family is. I have trouble understanding them, intrinsically. I don't understand why they want to have dinner with us when we see them twice a week at meetings. Moreover, my husband's parents live next door to their parents, so it's normal for them to have such a close relationship. I think it's crazy to be that close to your parents all your life. Parents aren't friends to me. They make me feel smothered. I'm very independent, and they think that means I don't like them.

Before we got married, we knew it would be tough mixing our backgrounds, so we were prepared. I think I'm annoyed by 1) the fact that his family is so close; and 2) they're essentially boring people. I could see talking to them if they had something relevant to say, but they don't.

Plus, my husband's brother's wife is very close with our mother-in-law. She actually confides in her about their marraige, which I think is really weird. So when we tell my husband's parents that we don't want to buy a house in PA, that we want to move some place else, his mother is confused. She said to me, "Marriage is a big change. If you move away, you're going to need someone to talk to." I answered that I did move away from all my friends to be near Donovan, and that he's the only one I need to talk to. Like I would tell my mother-in-law private things about my marriage? C'mon! Plus, she can't understand that I've been independent for so long. I've been working and supporting myself since I was 15, and she never worked. So she'll say things like, "Do you have trouble adjusting to doing Donovan's laundry too?" and I say, "Donovan does his own laundry." She's surprised by how offended I am; not just as a semi-feminist, but because I've been with her son for almost 4 years and she still doesn't know me well enough to know that I have a full time job and responsibilities other than pandering to my husband, like she did. AND my father-in-law was surprised by how well our wedding went. We were dancing and he commented on how nothing went wrong. I asked if he expected something to, and he said Donovan's brother's wedding was a fiasco, so he expected the same thing. It's like they don't think I'm capable, which really annoys me.

It's tough to try to get along with people that are very different from you. In the past, I've used alcohol to do it, but we had dinner with the in-laws on Sunday and I just had water. I think I'm getting better. ;) One of my former co-workers (who has a family like Donovan's) told me not to try to drive a wedge between them. I think I was trying to do that subconciously for a while. Before we were married, I felt like I was always vying with them for his attention. Now I've got him all to myself and I keep telling myself that an hour or two with his fam isn't too much to make him happy.

That was a novel and a half. Thanks for the therapy.