As much as I loved being single, I love being married more. I theorize that maybe when older people ask young singles when they're getting married, it's because those older ones know that there are wonderful things that marriage brings that singlehood can't. Like falling asleep and waking up next to a person you love, always having someone to hold you, to laugh with and rely on.
Maybe, subconciously, older ones just want singles to feel those wonderful things, so they ask when they're getting married. Some older people are just thoughtless, though, and should be sent to the edge of the village forever.
and bewbs
those things do sound wonderful. however, a single person who hasnt met anyone who makes him or her feel that way probably would not appreciate being asked when he or she is getting married.
exactly, can you imagine waking up to somebody day after day who at one point you sort of liked, but at this point, every single thing they do just grates on your nerves. and you know that you're stuck with them until the end of eternity. it would be enough to make you want to kill yourself
and yeah, i love being single. but when i get married i had BETTER love being married more, and i will
you freaks should hook up
I understand that. I'm just saying that as a person who has those wonderful things, it's hard to imagine someone not wanting them. Like if it was 100 degrees outside and I had a cool glass of lemonade, it would be hard for me to imagine why you wouldn't want a glass too.
I think when people ask you if you're married, at the core, they're asking because they hope you'll have that happiness too. Not to make you feel bad that you're not married.
Asking someone when they're getting married is a very insensitive question, no doubt, but I just wanted everyone to get a different perspective.
being married doesn't equal happiness.....being single doesn't bring more happiness.....being happy with yourself with who you are brings happiness and contentment.....whether married or single
***snaps***
i agree. i think peace, happiness and and an uncompromised feeling of contentment can be found in BOTH avenues. marriage, to me, now, is a snare and a racket. especially since everyone is so into admonishing ones to find a mate right away and guilting dating ones to get married. it's a comedy, really. i can't disagree with that silly desert/lemonaid comment. that sounds very Pennsylvania to me.
i meant that i can't disagree MORE. THAT's what i meant.
I agree with this.
I knew I shouldn't have commented in this forum. Geez.
why because not everybody agrees with your opinion. that's what this is all about, people putting their opinions out there. we're all different and that's what's great about the world. just because somebody has a different view than you doesn't mean it's a personal attack. you don't have to blast somebody just because they don't love everything that you love
No, because I'm being misunderstood. What's your problem?
if that's true, please explain it to us. i want to understand what you're saying.
I think that any married person who asks a single person when they're getting married is being insensitive. No question. I would never do it, and when I hear other people do it, I tell them I think it's really insensitive. I hated the question when I was single, but I hated more to see my friends' feelings hurt by it. I've known people like the girl mentioned below that are deeply emotionally hurt by comments about marriage, and I thought if anyone here was, maybe putting a positive spin on the question might make them feel better.
I understand where you're coming from, I think, you're kinda just explaining that some married people can't help but ask that because they're just happy and they don't MEAN to be insensitive. So maybe they jsut need to be told that it's insensitive.
Even when people are dating i think it's wrong to keep asking them when they're getting engaged, etc - it just puts pressure on them..
Yeah, that's what I mean. I think every congregation needs a local needs part about sensitivity. Especially because we're so close as an organization, we feel like we can take liberties with each other and that's really not the case.
It's a good idea.
word.
cool. i think i understand now.
nothing. i'm sorry i upset you
What is this? Is Matty being fiesty? HAHAHAHAHA!
*yes I am THAT loud, in REAL LIFE
good point. not to discount it, but how are we to feel when it's someone younger than us saying this?? and then, scaring us into waiting even longer, a few months/years down the line they end up divorced or disfellowshipped. if the 'when are you getting married' comment is coming from someone with many years of happy marriage together or even an older, mature person-THEN it's a lot easier to accept those words.
When i was about 18 I was friends with this girl who was maybe 22 and single, and i remember certain people making comments like "OH MY GOODNESS why is she still single, what is wrong with her, she's gonna be an old maid" etc. etc.
annnnd things like that really stick with you especially when they are said by people in your family or others really close to you - and I remember being 22 or 23 and single and kinda hearing those comments in my head (and people constantly trying to "fix me up" with people i had no interest in.. geez) and kinda freaking out
also at age 22 i had just gotten out of a 3-year dating relationship.. and i wanted to be single for a while to really 'find myself' or whatever and it was annoying how people couldn't understand that i really didn't need a significant other every second of my life
i had plenty of time and nothing to worry about
I don't think i was secure enough to dismiss those kind of comments and I commend those of you who can dismiss them
I know someone who was literally emotionally RUINED by those kinda comments. Now she is exactly what everyone told her she was gonna be, NOT because she wanted to be that way, but because the comments and everyones dashed expectations have been ingrained in her mind and she can't get over it. This is one sad case, but it definitely happens. These comments effect how people live and go about life. Not me, but some people are HYPER sensetive to it.
i am really really happy for my friends that are happy single. and i'm really really happy for my friends that are happily married. it just makes me very sad when they are commenting on my situation cos i want to find my happiness either way. i haven't found it yet. putting pressure on me just doesn't help.
when i was 18, i went through two back to back relationships. both with guy friends that we mutually decided-hey we get along really well let's try taking this to a dating level. at 18, i definitely wasn't ready for a commitment so what was the heck was the reason i did that: a mix of my own stupid immaturity and pressure from peers. i could've continued getting to know either one or even both of those brothers on a friendship level. both of these relationships ended up hurting all 3 of us (we were all close friends before and aren't now) and our families as well. personally, i wasn't ready for something serious at that age. i'm not sure if i'm even ready for it now. i'm not sure if i'll ever be ready for it.
now if i like a brother, i keep it to myself. call it being guarded, not trusting or whatever you want. i call it "not jumping the gun." girls are viciously fighting over guys in desperate efforts to get in a relationship and get married. they leave a trail of broken friendships and relationships in their wake. it's not worth that to me. i want happiness for myself and my friends and everyone really. i know my time will come for happiness (in whatever capacity that is). if we all focused on our own spirituality and letting it affect our personality, we'd all get along better.
sorry i rambled...
even at my age girls still viciously fight over guys, its really sad and pathetic.
the thing i keep saying, find happiness within yourself. know who are and what you want and you'll be content either way.
=/ and here i was hoping things would get better as we all matured.
I kinda agree with you but at the same time it makes me cringe when people who have kids ask me "so when are you having kids?!?!?!" because they think it's so wonderful to have kids
to me, the prospect of having kids is not attractive IN THE LEAST - so it's just annoying to hear how great it is to have kids
or when someone's a vegetarian and thinks everyone else should be vegetarians
or when someone is ghey and thinks everyone should be ghey
stuff like that
people swear by their own brand when it comes to everything nowadays. doctors, dentists, stores, products, diet, ways of doing literally anything, etc. it's swell they've found happiness in, i don't know, building model airplanes, but that doesn't mean someone will find or is capabe of finding the same happiness in that specific thing. people are apples and oranges and pears and peaches--comparisons just don't apply. what's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander.
yeah i have never gone up to someone who has kids and said "wow don't you wish you never did that? don't you wish you had freedom to do whatever you wanted without having to wipe a baby's butt all day??"
i mean could you imagine??!?!?!
but people who HAVE kids do this to those who don't
haha i know this is a whole other topic but it's a similar principle
There's so many parents in our hall with lots of kids that weren't planned. They see us together and say, "Never have kids." Good stuff.
lol.. that's so saaaaad!!! I love kids, i think they are amazing little human beings and have so much potential - and it makes me SO SAD to see them hurt and abused and sick and dying in this system. I think a lot of kids just don't get a fair chance because of the world we live in, and that's pretty much the #1 reason i don't want to bring any more into this world.
that's what i think about too.
annd this is also kind of why it's actually wise not to get married in this system, because just as kids have a hard time growing up in this system, marriages have a hard time surviving in this system. No matter who you are your marriage is going to be tested and attacked by Satan. And it is harder to maintain your faith when you're not only fighting for yourself but for another person, or even a whole family.
awesome perspective kam... whoops, almost typed "dam" ... that's not your name
haha yay i got an "awesome" lol dam! oh wait..
but what about the fact that the the Bible says there will be tribulation in the flesh? My dad is always asking me when I'm going to get married or why I'm not dating anyone, and I don't hate that. Whether some one gets married or not does not need to anyone's business but one's own. I've actually been doing a lot of research on this recently, and one article from like 1952 practically says that women are the devil and men should not get married, but it is up to each individual person. That was a very interesting article actually
i think older people are from a different generation where you got married or else you were an outcast. THere was no such thing as one who didn't in their eyes even though it happened quite frequently.
I think loving or hating marriage depends on whom you are married to or stuck with, as the case may be....