i wrote a rap to put on my voicemail about a year ago, but it was too long and hard to get it to sound good on the phone. so i figured id share it with you. it's an old school rap style, think over a beastie boys licenced to ill beat, no sleep till brooklyn or something.

When I don’t pick up the phone, you get my voice mail
I’m a little hard of hearing so don’t let your voice trail
If you don’t wanna hear this then just press the star key
But if you do I punish you like Charles Barkley
My phone has a clock so the time I can check
And I roll like flava flav and wear the phone around my neck
If you got something to say, man just tell me
Or better yet leave a message for me on my LG
But don’t expect a call back if you don’t got Verizon
Outta network punks like you my bill is supersizin
My contacts list stretches from here to Flanders
Got more crazy broads talking to me than Ann Landers
Phone company knows I’m not the average consumer
I talk so much at twenty-two I’ll have a brain tumor
Don’t even think of callin less you got full battery
I talk to ladies fans for hours cuz I’m good at flattery
Call me any time when I’m rollin in the city, yo
I hit you with a call or a fifteen second video
Ain't payin two bucks for some ring, you trippin?
I'm like the Jesse James of tones, off the 'puter i rip em
Cuz the law can't stop me, I got no fear
I roll past cops with my phone on my ear
Gotta shut off the ringer when I doze
My phone gets more hits than Pete Rose
If I don't wanna call, I'll just leave you a text
Fingers move so fast, leave onlookers perplexed
If talking built up muscles I would be really ripped
But since I talk so much then you could say I’m really lipped
I’m not pickin up the phone cuz my phone bill’s peakened
So I call you back later on the free nights and weekends!