As I read this hilarious epic tale of Stinkystones Macrohead VS. David Hasselhoff, I couldn't help but recall "brohymn" by Pennywise. Thanks for making me smile on this dismal diurnal anomaly.
hmm sounds like you need to write a poem... and make sure to use the words : soul, agony, despair,loathe, misery, pain, suffer,darkness, woe,lament, hate, death, love, bitter,sultry,anguish, rose, and acrid.