List List who's got the list
by I have a question - for those of you out here in the Ezabler world... How do you go about making a list of invitees to your wedding that will accomplish the following:
1. Make sure you and your mate are happy.
2. Keep the peace with both sets of parents.
3. Include your family, people most important to you, and anyone that you can't imagine not having there with you
Because as of late, this is the project at hand and I'd like to here some encouragement and ideas and or experiences everyone else has had.
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19 Comments
This is tough because it seems like either you have to invite EVERYONE you ever spoke to or have a very VERY VERY small wedding of just family and the closest friends..... but people will talk and get offended anyway.
Weddings are crazy!!
I had only like 60 people at my wedding, and all the friends that were at my wedding were very close friends that I had spoken to on a regular basis within the few months before my wedding - and that have hung out with me and Chris and knew us as a couple. And of course family, and a couple family friends.
Very small wedding, and it was great!
However, if I could go back and plan it again with a couple more thousand dollars to spend, there are DEFINITELY some people that I wish could have been there. I would have loved to have a 150 person wedding, but it seems like that would have been harder, to cut people out. But it's like we either could have had a 60-person wedding and cut out pretty much everyone, or a 260-person wedding and invite everyone - and that just wasn't happening at the time.
so basically, i have no advice. And I feel for you. This is tough.
The most important thing is to invite people that you actually want at your wedding. Don't stress over trying to make everyone happy. It's your wedding, your day, you should be happy on that day. And, If you don't know a person, why should he or she be at your wedding? (my two pence)
this is so true! i've had frined who have invited everyone adn their gramma jsut to ahve a big wedding, but one thing i've realized the friends who have had smaller more intimate weddings have been more memorable.
the smaller more intimate ones are best because you have people you honestly love adn who honestly love you adn are so stoked to be sharing that day with you! you'll have the best time ever!
well dan and i totally held to the fact that we only wanted to invite ppl we were close too - we are allowed 150. ANYWAYS my mom is the one who can't hold to it. AND that is the end of that thought. :(
I can provide a special talent of getting rid of people you dont want there. I am good at scaring people. Plus I floss my teeth with used floss by Ty Law Pham.
Lauren, if you want to EZ message me your email address, I can send you my tips and advice for doing exactly this (It's kinda long, so I don't want to type it all out, when I have it on my computer already). I live for weddings and events (and it's what I'm gonna do for a living, hahaha), so I've done this plenty of times.
it is a delicate juggling act. unfortunately some people, like fam you don't ever see, HAVE to be invited, but it doesn't have to be everyone ever related to you. some people are going to be insulted that they weren't invited-they will get over it. you will not make everyone happy. just make sure YOU guys are happy with the list. and we made a 2nd list of people we wanted to invite but fam took precedence over. we knew a number of people weren't going to come so we kept the second list to send invites when we got their No's back.
oops, double
mint gum
you might already know about this website..but i LOVED www.theknot.com
it was really helpful to keep things organized, and figure out all i had left to do.
also, this has nothing to do w/ your question, but, however your finances are working,whatever your budget, plan on at least $2,000 more, for things you didnt think of. (and TRUST me, there are a lot of those little things that add up quick) (guestbook, favors, placecard holders, etc.)
At our wedding, we didnt have anyone under 18 yrs old. (with the exception of maybe 5 people/kids) i think people are grateful to have a night w/o the kids, and this gives them an excuse. haha
also, keep in mind, a lot of people you invite probably wont be able to come. Count on the people w/in a two hour driving distance coming...but anyone further, ie: out of state friends/family, the likelyhood is that they will decline. we invited 250 people to our wedding, knowing at least 100 would decline, and thats what happend..we had 150 people.
also, if you are not close with some people from your hall, dont feel like you HAVE to invite them, just because you are in the same cong as them. Most people understand that everyone cant be invited.
well bridal magazines always talk about the a list and b list. the a list are the important ones. then later if any of them say no, you start to work your way down the b list inviting as many of them as you can.
I did a bunch of spreadsheets:
Tab 1 - The dream list, with all 500 people you'd like to invite, including everyone from your family, everyone from his, everyone from your hall, everyone from his, all your friends, all his friends. Keep a column that lists how many people are in each family or couple (ie, rather than listing separately: "Uncle John Smith, Aunt Jane Smith, Cousin Joe Smith", list "Smith Family" and the number "3" in the next column. This will help you when writing invitations out later.
Tab 2 - Starting to narrow it down. I like to use the different highlight colors in excel and create categories, like "who absolutely must come" "who we want to come" "who our parents want", etc. Then talk about each category with the group that wants those people to come, and see who you can eliminate.
Tab 3 - More narrowing down. After the first elimination, get realistic. Keep track of how many you want total, and how many you've got on your list so far. We had to think about friends that invited us to their wedding, people we hadn't spoken to in over a year, etc.
Tab 4 - Real invitations. I kept a column for the family/couple name, the number of people invited, then the number of people that RSVP's that they could attend.
Don't forget about excel's autosum feature to make your life easier. Once you write it all out, it'll seem less daunting. You can do it!
This sounds like a lot of fun! I love making tables.
I can also email you a copy of my spreadsheets if you can't envision what I'm talking about.
i think she can envision it. we have a spreadsheet. the problem is the sheer number of people, and who gets cut (or "relocated"). we don't need any more spreadsheets, thankfully.
I think that was Don's and my biggest disagreement. Just think, "would it really make me happier to see this person at my wedding?" If you're indifferent about him/her, then you can make a cut.