Birth Order and How it Effects YOU
by So, a lot of scientists believe that our personalities are highly based on our birth order. They say, that it impacts who we become, how we act, and they even take it as far as predicting what relationships work best for the different variations of children. Here's some of the info I've found:
Eldest children and only children look to their parents as the people on whom they should model their behavior. Often problems arise because both parents and the children themselves expect the children to act like little adults. For example, an eldest child who observes a parent re-making his bed may feel guilty because he did not make his bed well enough, and may also seek to make it perfectly next time. This child strongly seeks parental approval. Oldest children often are very sensitive to criticism, very eager to please, and responsible. Often, in later life, they become very successful - a disproportionate number of U.S. Presidents and Fortune 500 CEO's have been eldest children or only children.
Middle children are the most enigmatic. The direction they take is most strongly influenced by their next older sibling. They realize quickly, however, that they are not able to do most things as well as their older sibling, because they are littler and less adept. They most often try to differentiate themselves from their older sibling, for example by being athletic if their older sibling is not, or academic if he is. They may resort to bad behavior in order to get more of their parents' attention, under the rationale that even negative attention is better than no attention. Or, they may realize self-importance within their social sphere, and become less dependent on the family for attention. Either way, what most middle children need most is more attention.
Youngest children behaves like the only child. They Feel everyone is bigger and more capable. They Expect others to do things, make decisions, and take responsibility. They Feel they are the smallest and weakest and may not be taken seriously. They often become either a show-off and are extremely charming. Some, however, can go to the other extreme, becoming more quiet then the other children.
The Exceptions
Some variables can affect the above descriptions. For instance, if there are several years between the first and second child, the second child will have some characteristics of a firstborn. Or, if the firstborn is a girl and the second a boy, the son will have some first-born characteristics because he is the family's first male offspring. Sibling deaths, adoptions and blended families can also upset the traditional birth order.
Romantic Variations:
First-born married to a first-born: This relationship is likely to be high friction - either butting heads from day one, or falling into a controller-pleaser pattern. It can be difficult to make this pairing work.
First-born married to a middle child: The danger here is that the middle-born may alter his or her own behaviour to please the first-born. While the middle one makes a good match for anyone (except, perhaps, for another middle), she may find the first-born to be somewhat intimidating and thus will need drawing out. If you marry a hard-driving first-born, you may be inclined to give up your own desires and dreams to please your more dominant, first-born spouse. However, if you have last-born tendencies, this can be a very good match for you.
First-born married to the last-born: This relationship is an excellent combination. First-born can teach last-born how to be better organised and that there are times when life must be taken seriously. The last-born teaches the first-born that it's okay to have fun once in a while.
Middle Child Married To A Middle Child: Has the potential to go either way. If one of the middle-borns has first-born tendencies and one has last-born tendencies and traits, this can be a good match.
On the other hand, if both partners are solid, secretive middle-born communication is likely to suffer -- though you'll do well compromising to get along and keep the peace. Has the least chance of experiencing marital infidelity.
Middle Child Married to Last Born: Works best if the middle born has some first-born tendencies. If the middle is a true middle, he may find himself pulled into the last-born's more irresponsible lifestyle, creating the problems seen in a last-born to last-born marriage. If she has last-born tendencies, there could be trouble. If she has first-born traits, then a great match.
Last Born Married To A Last Born: Be careful here. You may have fun, but you'll also feel like life is getting a little out of control, with nobody in charge. Even last-borns can handle controlled chaos for only so long. WORST FAMILY BLEND
Only-child female and an only-child male: Not only will the two butt heads, but neither will have much of a clue about the other gender.
Female last-born with no brothers and male last-born with no sisters: Not only are you compounding the problems of two last-borns, but neither really knows very much about the opposite sex -- at least in a psychological sense -- and so wouldn't be particularly understanding and supportive of each other.
So....these are all extremely debateable...what do you guys think?
AI Summary
The discussion on birth order and its effects on personality has 47 comments, with several users sharing their personal experiences and observations. Modestjesse's anecdote about being a middle child who felt compared to their older brother and sought to differentiate themselves through sports and academics resonated with several users, including tinser and punkprincess. The conversation also touches on the idea that birth order can influence relationships, with specialk sharing their experience of being a last-born married to a first-born. The discussion also highlights the limitations of the birth order concept, with jollycandyman pointing out that it may only apply to families with three children, and suchgr8heights suggesting that their own family would need to be categorized separately due to their unique circumstances.
47 Comments
Youngest children behaves like the only child. They Feel everyone is bigger and more capable. They Expect others to do things, make decisions, and take responsibility. They Feel they are the smallest and weakest and may not be taken seriously. They often become either a show-off and are extremely charming. Some, however, can go to the other extreme, becoming more quiet then the other children.
i'm the last born and this totally is not true in my case. I'm not quiet and i'm more independant than my older sisters
This kind of only really applies to a 3 children family, where all the kids are born realtively close. but hardly anybody's family is like that
yeah i'm a middle child and i do believe in the middle child thing but not exactly as set out here. All of the middle folk know what i mean...
That's so true it's scary. I'm the oldest and it pretty much described my life. The only part missing is the success part. SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!
how about a lastborn married to the 3rd out of 4?
could probably qualify as a middle to a last, or a last to a last...depending on which characteristics the third born tends to lean towards
Yeah that was so true - I am the oldest and the characterisics are all true of me and my brothers. I think this was really cool - I don't feel like a weirdo anymore...
but I'm weird still.
Uber weird, but we still love you. :)
ditto. lol - and not because patric swayze says it in ghost either... ha ha lol/
I agree with this. My husband is a first born, and he married me, a last born, and that pretty much describes our relationship. He helps me out and "guides" me (for lack of a better word, and I show him it's ok to lighten up every now and then.
I am the poster child for the oldest child. However, (and I don't mean to offend anyone) I would put only children in their own category. I know a bunch of only children who aren't responsible at all... (and they whine about what they want instead of making it happen for themselves)
I agree with you there. I think some only children don't have the social skills as your typical kid.
Yeah that is very true in my opinion. I know quite a few only children and the majority have no social skills.
I'm the eldest child..& that doesn't describe my family experience at all...
i don't feel like it effects me much at all
That's just it! You CAN'T feel it, it just happens, it's one of those mysterious things in life, it's just there, we can't see it, we can't feel it, eat it, or smell it, but it's there! Ahh! What if it's here RIGHT NOW?!?
Yup me neither...we'd have to be put in our own catagory, right Bri? and there wouldn't be enough patterned occurances or behaviors to substantiate a thing.
I am pretty convinced of the whole birth-order business. I was 5ish when my brother (12 years older than me) pretty much left the fam. They say those are the crucial years of birth order affects... So with that and since I'm the only girl, then I'd be more of an only child. True, I have a lil sis now, but she's 11 years younger. None of my other siblings ever lived with me, and are either 1/2 or step anyway...
thus ends my pointless babble for now.
Wasn't pointless, I got it. I feel your pain. I'd consider you an only child for this little expose too.
the description of the oldest child could not be more true for my family. even the description of the middle child does not describe me. the youngest does but the rest is skewed and not for us.
I have a question then. Being that I'm from a family with 6 kids and I'm second to last would that make me a middle child?
You could be considered a middle child or the youngest.
How much older are you then your younger sibling?
4 years older than my younger sibling and 2 minutes younger than my older sibling.
I'd say you could still be considered either one. You're oldest sibling is like 10 years older, right?
Actually more than 10 years older.
Yeah, I'd probably consider you more of a baby then a middle child.
You better watch how you phrase that. PUNK!
actually its kind of true...im the last born...and i agree... i have a hard time making decisions... not ALL the time... but sometimes. And i also feel a lot of the time that others are bigger...although that may have to do with my height! haha
But your case is a little different. While your the last born you're also kind of the middle child and kind of the older one. You are your mother's only child and your fathers baby, well now you have a step sister too, but we won't go there.
Then wasn't both your brothers out by the time you were 10? So from that standpoint you could be considered the only child as you were the only child in the house.
You could be so messed up that you have tendencies of all of them combined!
im just screwed up.
Tell us something we don't know. I'm still not comfortable doing certain things to this day thanks to your brother!
huh? wait.. what did that mean?
Nothing more then the simple fact that your brother caused me to have certain 'issues' for several years.
ez message me. what are these "issues" and which brother?... cuz if its the one im thinking of... you have a couple more problems on your hands than the reg every day ones.
Nothing extraordinary. I just couldn't lay on the floor with my arms around my head for years. I had a fear I'd be tickled to death cause Joey used to do that to me all the time. Not to mention if I ever beat him at any video game I was in for an arse whooping.
We did this in one of my psych classes too, my description doesn't fit - "the last child". Although I was very spoiled and was paid more attention to, I hate attention, I take charge of things that need to be and know when to take a step back....
yeah i did this in psycho class too. i'm the eldest child at home, altho i do have an older sibling somewhere out there. this stuff is kinda true.
yea we went over this in my sociology class last year... i was very interested by it.. i am SUCH a middle child!
My opinion on the birth order concept is that it plays some impact on who you become, but only to a certain degree. I mean, I don't think I try to be the center of attention outside of my house, but inside my family, at least when i was growing up, i was like that. I was always trying to do something to get attention, because being so much younger then everybody else, i felt i had to do something exceptional to remind them i was there.
and, i think that youngest children ussually are spoiled...i'm the youngest and the only girl...so i can't argue with the fact that i got wayyy more then my brother did.
i think, out of all the descriptions, i'm a mix between the youngest (which makes sense) and the middle...which, i guess doesn't...oh well
the marriage thing...i could see it working out best the way they say, but i'm sure that there are plenty of exceptions
but i do agree with tinser how it definetley does affect the way you are because of if you have others above or below you. true dat. (i have more to say but at this moment, my brain is farting big time.)
What if the middleborn has tendancies of first born with a side order of last born tendancies how compatible would they be with a last born who has some middleborn tendancies and no firstborn tendancies but only jewish tendancies. what a load of crap. Worst generalizations ever.
haha, jewish tendencies mean you only get along well in marriages if you are a quiet male or a loud female
i just wrote a letter to summer about how sometimes it's like i'm growing up, but then i realize that i'm not and i still ask her about EVERYTHING
i think there's a little truth to this stuff. I'm first born, I've always been really concerned with what my parents think. However, I'm def not organized or pushy.... my brother is the youngest, he def has the qualities of wanting everybody else to do stuff for him and not wanting to take responsibility. although he's not withdrawn or anything. I think the marriage matchings are a little bit of a crock though...
Hrm, well as a middle child I did strive to be different from my brother. I grew up disliking him because I felt I was always being compared to him. I looked at him as a geek because he was a good student. I strived to be good in sports and always gave every thing I played 110%, I hated being compared to him.
As far as the marriage thing, I was married to a first born and I did end up changing my desires to please her, very interesting.
I agree with the less dependent on the family for attention too. But maybe that's because I was gone for 5 years and didn't talk to anyone.