Reason the Card, but Passion is the Gail
by How do you think relationships should be handled? With the heart? Or with reason? Or with a combination of both?
I think it's got to be done with a combination of both to be sucessful (and obviously, that combinatoin has to be the right one). As Alexander Pope says, "On life's vast ocean diversely we sail, reason the card, but passion is the gail." I love this quote, because it's so true. We'd fail at anything in life if we went about it with only one of the above. So, anyway...since this is macking forum, my proposed formula for relationships only (i'm not applying these statistics to ANYTHING else) is 60% heart, 40% reason. What do you guys think?
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the thing is, harmones make things blurry and infatuation often makes one throw reason to the curb - which is why so many end up in relationships that never should have started
That is so true that's the point I was trying to make way back in the first comment but you said it so much simpler and made it easier for people to understand what you meant.
haha, this is the first time i've ever come into this thread, so i've never even read that comment of yours your talking about..i'm sure people understood what you meant though
Well I'm glad you decided to come and check this comment I thought it was an excellent comment.
umm, i tried reeeeeeeally hard to resist, but i just couldn't. Sorry :-/ i'm the spelling nazi...hormones bryan
LOL I noticed that too....
Yeah I know but I have a thing with pronunciation not spelling so as long as it's not said inoccorectly it doesn't bother me escpecially since my spelling is horrible.
Hmm this is what I think, i don't know if it's right. Sometimes a person can be "perfect" for you in the reasoning sense, they might have the right personality, spiritual qualities, and financial security, etc. but... maybe you just don't see that person as more than a friend. And some people still get married to people that they are not truly in love with, but that in every way it just makes sense to marry them. To me that sounds like a huge mistake, cos down the line they might meet someone who they do fall in love with, and end up unhappy, or divorced, or worse.
And then there is the other side of the spectrum, being madly in love with someone who doesn't make sense for you in the reasonable way, someone who seems like the opposite of you, that has no money, and has a lot of things to work on. But you're in love. Ack, this is a mistake too, in my opinion, because those negative qualities are just gonna escalate after marriage and it won't end well.
I think the balance is almost 50/50 ... it has to make sense, and be reasonable, but you also do have to be in love. How's that sound?
yeah i've said this before. there's a brother in my area. a really great brother that so many girls say--i wish i had THAT for him because it's just not there. when it's not there it's not there.
Interesting. I find this really difficult to understand. I guess I just find it extremely easy to love people. On the other hand I find it extremely easy to hate people as well so I try to be very careful to control my emotions.
So true, looking back now I see I got married for all the wrong reasons, and they were selfish ones. Yes, I was madly in love, but I saw a lot of negative things that I thought she'd 'grow out of' or 'change' but that never happened. Those little negative things that might have been cute at first grew into major annoyances. And it got to the point where one little problem was steam rolling into much larger issues. But you live and learn. It's a shame it didn't work out but I just know now, more then ever, what I do want in a wife. Oh, and I'll remember to get to know the mother before I convince myself she's the one.
thinking people will change is the biggest faux paus ever
or that you can change them....total no-no
yeah, you can only change babies. Diapers. And that stinks too.
being married sooooooooo long i think its a matter of *endurance* (on HIS part, poor guy) long after the thrill isnt gone, just mellows as you grow old together.
The heart is more treacherous than anything else. I can attest to that. I'd have to say you need to use more reason that heart. I think escpecially in relationships you need to use more reasoning than heart for that simple fact that logically you know something is a mistake but in following your heart you may be blinded to that fact. I think I would say 60% reason and 40% heart.
yeah, that could work...but love is what keeps things going, isnt iT?
Yes but your reasoning must be in control at all times. If your heart is moving you to do something you reason on it first. So your heart is like the horses and your reasoning is like the reigns. So though your heart is very important your reasoning must be in control and that's why I said 60% reaoning and 40% heart.
I agree with you. Except I'd push reason up a lot higher. Preferably closer to 70 or 80%.
wow, i agree with perrin maybe...but i think 70 or 80 is way too high...because i think i've made that mistake before...and it was a mistake
Why do you think it's a mistake? To me, letting your heart decide anything seems to be a really bad idea, and it seems like it's a good idea to try to suppress it as much as possible.
because...it didn't work out...i was using so much reason to try to figure things out, and i forgot to put my heart into it also...oh, he's a good guy, oh he is spiritual, oh my parents like him, oh he has a nice personality....oops, i forgot to remember that i have to have feelings for him too
I'd really love for someone to explain what that phrase "have feelings for" means. No, I'm not joking.
If you're just using reasoning it can't work, you won't be happy! I think what Tinser said really covers it, you go "wow he's all these great things" turn around and realize you don't love him. You may care for him, but that's not enough you need to love. And also, if you let reason control you to much while you are in love you may mess up big time. Like, you love someone but reason tells you that you just don't make sense, you're not enough alike (the kind of stuff a friend would tell you) and you go on that..but you love them. Even if it doesn't always make sense love can make it work.
eXactly...love is the motivating force
uhuh. It's your head that produces doubts and if you are gonna be all rational then you won't survive.
Are we working under the same definitions of reason and heart? Cause I think both the head and the heart produce doubts. The difference is that when your head produces doubts you can reason through them deciding if they're really important and if you really have to deal with them, whereas when your heart produces doubts they're absolutely paralyzing preventing you from having any idea what to do until you get your head involved to sort out the mess.
I don't understand. What do you think it mean to love someone if not to recognize all the great things about them? To me, love is a very reasoned thing, and something which the heart has little to do with.
see, i think NOT letting your heart give you information is insane. go with your GUT instinct! what is your heart telling you? that doesn't necessarily mean you have to listen to what your heart says. sure, "the heart is treacherous". but it also "the seat of motivation". having passion about something or even someone, if it's regulated, can be a indicator of what path you may want to follow.
eXactly...you took the thoughts right out of my brain and put them into words. If you are only acting on reason, then what's the difference between that, and just a friend? I mean...nevermind....what dan said...he said eXactly what i meant. But...you still need some reason of course, but definitely more heart.
hmm maybe this is a sign, tinser
a sign like the thing matt said?
mike said the same thing, is that a sign too?
sounds like it. we'll run a test later.
Daniel Hill!!!! You can't moderate a moderator! I'll smoke you for that.
courtney, would you be a dear and help me gang up on him?
haha, i can moderate his comments in movies/tv if you like
i'll do it too. dan's gonna suddenly acquire a very vocal taste in gay culture.
hahaha....poor dan...never saw it coming
dan, this is what you get what you mess with a girl who has a boyfriend
haha, yeah...i'm staying out of this...i can't afford to lose my moderating privleges...it's the first step in my 9 step plan to rule the universe
and how is that plan going for you so far?? it must be difficult to rule the universe from the inside of a mental instituion.
Maybe it's different for you, but I find that what my heart tells me I want changes so radically from day to day and hour to hour, that it's simply an unreliable source of information on the subject.
i agree w/ going w/ instinct. there is a difference between heart/emotions and heart/instinct. your instincts are almost always right, but unfortunately often ignored.