"Situation" Arises
by So why is it that certain people feel the need to say whatever comes in to their head? No matter how crass or hurtful it is.
Case in point - a brother in my hall (PA) felt the need to ask a really personal question of me in field service, amongst the car group. My reaction, well i did my best to not burst out in tears or become enraged.
Now him and I are "friends" on the level of us being in the same hall together and being out in service on the same days. He is married and from what he's explained has a rough situation. His wife is disfellowshipped, there are some issues there.
Needless to say - I usually cut him a break for the stuff he says, as do most of the friends that know his situation, but here is the thing... how MUCH slack should I cut him?
Did you ever know someone who had the tendency to be really ridiculous with the stuff they said and when you asked them about it or confronted them - they'd blame it on their "situation"?
Or are there really that many people who simply lack the sense of how to talk to someone else?
I dunno, I am not a super sensitive person - but I cannot stand rudeness or shear lack of tact - it's so aggravating.
AI Summary
51 Comments
Never feel bad about telling someone to mind their own business if they're prying about something personal.
Bad situations (such as the one that brother is in) can explain moodiness and maybe sometimes an overall grouchy attitude even, and that's understandable to a certain degree. However, there is no reason to say hurtful things to other people no matter what your situation is (meaning the person saying the hurtful things). We are all human beings and even more importantly, we are all brothers and sisters so its even more important to be loving towards each other. Of course we all understand that we can slip up sometimes and say things that we shouldn't but to be constantly doing it and blaming it on a situation that effects them in a bad way is silly. They know right from wrong and they should know that what they're saying is innappropriate and not use their situation as an excuse to speak their mind freely.
i ususally just say something that makes them feel stupid...
just be like, "how's your wife doing?"
Hahaha! Good one. I was thinking along the lines of "i'd appreciate it if you didn't open your rotten trap toward me. you're a sad man, who needs to get over himself. die or get better!"
OR, "Now i know why she left you!"
Man, you are going for full emotional obliteration, eh?
Say it with me now, 'Nothing is off limits and no one is out of bounds'
i did that with him the day we were in service and he sorta shut up - but it's still crass none the less.
I can relate in a way to that brother. My wife left me about 6 months ago. She is in the world and even though we have two kids together, does not want to work things out. I was devestated, but never blamed others for what happened. It was me that married a woman that didn't share my beliefs. Now I am paying the price. All I can do is worry about my kids and myself. And personally I find encouragement from other people in my hall. That brother needs to do the same and maybe he'll realize he's being dumb about certain things he may be saying.
hang in there bro! you're a fine example
always good to lean on your congregation, and Jehovah.
what hall are you in?
I go to Randolph.
yeah im sorry to hear that, but keeping close to the hall and firends is the best thing to do. Jehovah is near to those crushed and broken in spirit - he will take care of you and your kids no matter what.
Yes. I find being at the meetings and associating with the friends is very refreshing. Maybe one day when I'm a free agent again, I'll be blessed and find a nice sister with her head screwed on straight. hehe...
not if i find her first...
Boys, there are plenty of them out there for all of you. :)
i know, i was just kiddin...
pat get jacked first
i know i'm currently following the MK school of finding a woman. (Operation DS-Part II)
that's my favorite kind of operation!! next i think you need to go shopping at the "all orange shorts, all the time" store. then just sit back and wait for the ladies to approach
orange shorts? your pickup line would be, i'll stop traffic for you baby!
More like "get you run over baby" everyone knows orange means speed up
yeah there are a lot of beautiful sisters in our organization. The same goes for brothers... a lot of really good ones too.
I totally know how you feel. We have a brother in our hall who sounds exactly like the brother you are talking about. His wife isn't a Witness either, and he's always saying stupid stuff. For example....we were out in service one day and he was in my car group, with some other people I didn't know really well. He chose that particular time to inquire as to why my parents got a divorce, which normally doesn't bother me(because I was 10 when it happened), but the way he asked was really nosy and embarrassing. I just sort of avoided the question, by making a really vague comment.
That's how I'd handle the situation with this brother. If he's always saying rude stuff, that's one thing. But if he just doesn't know how to be tactful, don't give him any more information than he needs. It's hard when that person is your friend, but you have to wonder, if he's so blunt towards you in front of other people, what's going to stop him from talking about it to others? I'd only give him very minimal information about you from now on, so he has nothing to talk about, and if he keeps it up, then I'd maybe explain that his lact of tact is really hurting you. :)
Also, I actually have a friend who is SO lacking in tact. He got divorced about 2 and a half years ago, and since then, he's become what he likes to call "brutally honest." Meaning, he's going to tell you what he thinks, and if you get hurt, sorry...that's just the way he is. And he'll tell you that if you were his true friend, you'd accept him for the way he is, and not complain, even though he hurts your feelings.
MY THOUGHT on that....it's a total cop-out. Regardless of anyone's situation, that's no excuse to hurt people's feelings, especially those who are supposed to be your friend.
yeah i try to be as vague as possible with him - i mean even to the point of a little jabbing sarcasm in the hopes he gets what not to ask and what not to say. But a friend of mine said that maybe he just has that much of an inability to talk to people. He may be that clueless.
Yeah....I know people like that. You just have to keep acting a certain way towards them, and hopefully they get the hint. I'm sorry he made you feel bad, though. Here....I'm sending you a hug via internet. :)
thanks. i love to be hugged.
Good....I love giving hugs...works out well. :)
Yea... sometimes i find myself saying something and then eating my foot cause it was "crass" i guess or just plain dumb... sometimes, not saying this is an excuse... but sometimes guys say things without thinking about what the other person would think especially women... But yeah, i guess depending on what he said, he really should know better, i suggest a carefully placed kick in the jewels will help him remember for next time.
lol - yeah u gotta meet this guy. You are nothing like him... but thanks for the pointers.
my cats breath name is mittens. sorry...just a random thought. lauren..i told you, if you cant beat him, egg his car. or get me to do it for you. im cheap.
or put frosted flakes on his windshield. I mean nothing says, "You're a hot sexy admin of the greatest site on earth and we all love you" like a box of frosted flakes on the windshield.
forget it, buttering me up isn't gonna make me love you
HAHAHHAH fortunately for ian, mikayla was there to protect him
ha ha Huh?
dont ask, its a very sore subject... lol
hahahahaha i absolutely love that you just randomly write once in a while the most hilarious comments... now if you were only that funny ALL the time.... hAHAHAHA now thats comic relief. (just kidding...but come on... quigley?)
what roomie? I don't understand.
i dont know why it didnt reply to adam, it was supposed to be in responce to his comment. haha sorry!
O I C
response its with an "s" dear...and baptize is with a "z". i love you...haHA!
yeah, every cong has one'a these...best thing to do, as hard as it may be, is to let the person know that some of the things they say have a tendency to offend people..&..if the person's humble & realizes we all need to make adjustments, that should be enough..but...well..some people like to make excuses instead of making changes
yeas yeas - but this brother is oh so not humble, and I hate saying that about anyone. But he has a way about him that is very (UGH). But thank you for the advice.
then.....just slap'm next time he gets outa line...you have my permission..
woo hoo can u send me something signed to back that up... lol.