What time is it this time?

yeah yeah yeah. So a woman in my building gets on the elevator and practically attacks me as she asks me to define metrosexual. So i give my answer, "Its gay guys without the actual...Gayness." So she tells me i'm wrong and gives me the definition. IF YOU KNEW THE ANSWER, WHY DID YOU ASK? "I'm trying to tell my husband." Then she proceeds to cite me as an example, which i deny. "But you're put together well and you're good looking." Yes we've been around for a while, but currently we're called men who bathe. "You like massages don't you." Not really ma'am. "By a woman?" THAT IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY!

Transvestites are funny but when trying not to laugh at them don't look at them or they will think you are smiling AT them. Which is definitely a bad thing. The answer to your question is, no sir, i don't want any of your sweetness.

Not all bums are bums. Some of them are just working like everyone else. They go to their corner, take off their nice shoes and clothes and put them in a garbage bag. So you think they've got extra garbage, but its just their non-work clothes and their good pair of shoes. I always look at a bums shoes. OR if they are smoking. Then i decide not to give them money. Best bum ever just said, "I ain't gonna lie to you, i want a dollar to buy a beer." I gave him the buck and said, this one is on me, drink up.

If you are a guy and you work in an office with ALL women, your life is good. You don't have to do much work, cuz they do the extra work for you. Insist on it even.

Some people will come up with the most incredible answer to the hardest question you've been pondering for a while in a matter of seconds. When you least expect it. Like a redheaded confucious...

No is NO. I've told you. A thousand times. Why must you ask me the same question in a different way? DO NOT EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE! Don't circumvent me either.

I love setting up two people who just are a weird couple. Life is good. Satisfaction about it not going to work out. It wasn't my fault, I've warned you, but I won't stop it.

Third parties trying to set you up are no good. I mean your wife's sister? C'MON! Your wife doesn't even like the idea. Don't be getting me in trouble. IT WAS SIX YEARS AGO!

I hate all of you people who had their own room as a child. I finally have my own and it rocks. I have a reason to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond without feeling fruity. But I feel sorry for you because you will not know how to share or bond with your siblings like I was able to. And you will definitely not have the pleasure of rubbing it in to your siblings who have never had their own room nor will they. Especially since they thought you were getting married first.

Married women saying you have, "Hair you just want to run your hands thru" to you in front of their husbands will instantly get their husbands jealous. Especially if their hubbys only gel their hair.

NO, i will not be your rebound boy. Two weeks ago girl and we just met. It wasn't meant to be. But if your friend gets rid of her man tell her to give me a call.

I use the phrase, "YOU DON'T NEED NO MAN GIRL!" wayyyyyyy too frequently.

And lastly, when all else fails, Tonic is good medicine for the soul. But the bible is the only thing that will always be with you at night.