New Movie
by I think this is going to be my next "big" movie. It might be as long as ten minutes. I haven't nailed down the shot list or economy just yet. This is my stab at subtle twist-ending horror. Tell me what you guys think. Give me input. What's good? What sucks? Is it too cheesy? Weigh in.
"WHOLE"
scene 1
a girl is making a brown bag lunch.
scene 2
she walks through the woods with the lunch. lots of different woodsy shots. it seems like a long way out, but she happily keeps walking.
she comes to a hole in the ground, covered in wood and cinder blocks. a buncha quick cut shots of her removing the wood and blocks whip by. she reveals a man gagged and completely immobilized with rope, duct tape, and zip ties. she lovingly greets him and feeds him the lunch she made. she goes on and on about how he makes her feel *whole* and how they'll be together forever. she mentions that in time he'll see it how she sees it and how you can't turn your back on a good thing, even if things aren't perfect at first. his eyes are wide with terror.
scene 3
the same young man is at work and he had only daydreamed the horrifying situation detailed up to this point. the same girl, a co-worker, comes into frame and asks if he's decided to join her for lunch, clearly she asked earlier. mild comic fear rises in his eyes and he excuses himself. later, he watches a couple happily shopping together. he's clearly envious. he approaches the girl later and has a cute conversation about going out sometime and getting to know each other slowly. she makes a funny comment about being *whole* making our guy remember the daydream. he shrugs it off as silly paranoia.
scene 4
there's a series of shots of them eating, walking, having fun together on different outings. this is set to music. no voices.
scene 5
our guy is waiting somewhere woodsy, smiling. he looks around, checks his watch, calls her on his cell phone and asks where she is, she simply answers "I'm coming."
she arrives and says that she has something for him. she produces a brown bag identical to the one in his daydream. she indicates that they've been together a couple months and she made him something for the occasion! He opens the bag and inside is a cupcake. She smiles and says "Eat it." He humors her and begins eating it. Watching him closely, still smiling, she says, "Eat the *whole* thing." He does so and with frosting on his face smiles back at her, "It's good."
the world begins to spin. his eyes roll around as he tries grab the car for support. he messily slides off and hits the ground, dead weight. The cupcake was drugged. the camera looks up at her face. she's breathing deeply and looks very excited. there's a shot of her against the woods as she begins to unpack a bag with rope, duct tape and zip ties. she mutters with love, "we will be whole."
fast forward-- it's night, there's a quick high up shot of our guy gagged and tied up in the hole she made for him. he's bucking around, trying to free himself. tight shot of is terrified eyes.
End.
AI Summary
51 Comments
/shivers
Wow, dude, sounds intense.
Minor suggestion: After scene 5, cut to scene 3. End. SCIFI!
yeahhh, that scene is on notice for being a gaudy time lapse device, for being a pain in the neck to shoot, and for being just plain cheesy.
stilllll, i'll shoot it and see how it plays... it's there to remove the idea of the daydream/hole sequence and replace it with a nice, happy, cheesy couple music montage! for one, it'll give you the idea they've been together and not just thrust you into the two month anniversary...and also when you see him get drugged it's more of a surprise and you don't expect the daydream/hole sequence to end up really happening. ehhh, we'll see!
oh, wait, i misunderstood you. i read that i should cut from scene 3 to scene 5! haha, i think i read that because scene 4 is on my crap list. as for your idea... you know what they say "films are truly made in the editing room." who knows.
I was kidding around, anyway. I was implying that you show scene 3 twice, like an infinite loop.
i wanna be in your movie.... but a minor part like an Alfred Hitchcock moment.
this is an interesting concept. i think it will be really tough to pull it off but an interesting idea for sure
i volunteer to play the part of the tree!
fantasmagorical. I want to be the guy so bad it scares me....
i don't really get it
if they are already together happy smiling out and aobut.. why would she tie him up in a hole in the ground..
it's not like he rejected her or they had a fight or something came up in her mind from her past and then she went nutso
what is the motive behind her actions here
having said that,i want to be the girl
she's obviously crazy
have you never met a scarily crazy woman in your life? are you SURE you live in NJ? :)
well obviously she's crazy
but why would she go from normal to crazy just like that
usually there is some kind of impetus
somthin
yeah...esp if they were into ea other.
you two are nuts - a lot of women turn totally crazy for no reason
patrick - a little help man
I got your back Dan... you are totally correct... women can be nutz
thanks man. nice to know someone ELSE understands
all woman have a defect in their brains... it is called....
CRAZY
OHHHHH ok. i get it now.
well thats good... admittance is the first step to recovery....
hey im not admitting to anything. im admitting i get it...cause i know psycho chicks like that. DUH
You haven't met my sister or my ex...
sorry. it's a short. she's nuts. no time to show you the process.
buttt...this makes think that i'll change the anniversary scene to a "we broke up last week, but i agreed to meet you" scene. he'll tell her that it just didn't work out and why he dumped her, then she drugs him and buries him. STILL another way i might take this... is to reverse the end completely. HE asks HER to meet out there after getting dumped... then he drugs and buries her. but then the circular nature of the story is broken. i dunno. i still may scrap this whole thing. i'm fickle.
no no. the concept is great. just make her like one of those psycho chicks that wants to get married and they'll do anything to get the man. lol
i think your original concept works. maybe film some alternate scenes so you can edit it around a bit. but i think your idea is a winner the way it is.
yeah maybe a quick scene kind of leading up to the crazy
i duno
i feel like something is missing there but that's just my opinion i could be totally wrong haha
As for what I want my audience to percieve... I guess I want them to expect the ending despite my leading them away from it. I want them be in the head of the guy. Have the premonition. Then shrug it off as commitment paranioa. What I'm saying with this movie is-- sometimes when people begin relationships they have bad vibes and possibly even very good reasons not to date that person, but they ignore these red flags just because they want to be close to someone. The relationship might start out very satisfying, but when you ignore your gut, MOST times it will fall apart for the reasons you intuited to begin with.
That was my idea to from get-go. Nowww, I'm looking at this very closely and the above idea is not something easily taken from my movie. Now tell me what you think... If people are expecting the girl to bury the guy.... why don't I just have the guy bury the girl? I don't really care if it doesn't serve my original idea. I see the oppurtunity to make a movie with a pretty strong twist rather than a twisted parable! What do ya'll think?
I like the complexity of the concept. Shooting the different frames at the varying angles (showing the girls face/as third party perspective then from the victim's). Would love to see how you shoot/edit the "daydream" sequence.
Sounds awesome overall :D
the shooting and editing of the dream sequence will be starkly different than the rest of movie. i might even use a couple filters or something. maybe a black and white dealy... i don't want it to be mistaken for real life.
okay what if after the last scene you cut to a scene of him abruptly waking up out of his office chair as if the whole thing was a daydream, and then have him look at his computer screen and the screen says "hello neo..."
haha jk, jk.
Skip everything and just create a scene of Jessica Alba giving me a massage. LOL
the part of brotherman is to be played by mike rappaport or michael clark duncan painted pink.
Hahaha....
dude... how come you didnt comment on my star wars vid... i thought you of ALL people would have...
jerk
wah wah wah
because that one was OOLLLDD. mine was much funnier
You made a star wars vid? Where is it? I'll make some comments. hehe...
I dont think she should say " eat the whole thing ".
and What type of cupcake is this? What guy eats cupcakes in the woods..
Maybe a roast beef sammich!
And what is she wearing? this is important.
Because if it's something seductive he becomes more pliable thus eating said sammich without asking any questions like " Is there mayo on this sammich?.... I really hate mayo? Who puts mayo on a roast beef sammich"
Seriously.
she says "eat the whole thing" because she wants to be certain he consumes all the drugs in the cupcake.... and i like cupcakes. they are delicious. except when they are drugged.
she's wearing a nice outfit... so, yeah, he's pliable...
and you put horseradish on roast beef... mayo is all right though...
and in the seris of shots of them eating, walking, having fun together...
what will they be doing.
I hope it's not skee-ball. Who skee balls anymore?
They should do crazy stuff.
Like... saving seals from an oil spill.
Thats always a good ice breaker.
i hope you know i'll be putting a skee-ball scene in. you should know better than to challenge me, son.
eww Horseradish is no good either.
Maybe a little mustard on my roast beef sammich.
What drug is in the cupcake?
Is it good
mustard? you're crazy.
the drug is something like GHB.
i gotta say, guys:
thanks for all the input. i didn't expect much of a response here, but you guys all came through. s'much appreciated. thanks.
yeah boiiiiiiiii
80% aphex twin soundtrackkk! yeah!