Area Man Exaggerates

Michael Pifney, 48, of Califon, NJ is a big fan of Califon Deli Meats, a local delicatessen, and yesterday stated that he must have purchased the #8 - Italian Submarine Sandwich "at least a million times" in his life. Many onlookers were skeptical when they heard the comment. "1,000,000 sandwiches?" said George McKinny, one of the incredulous witnesses to the incident, "I don't know, that just seems a bit unrealistic to me. I mean, don't get me wrong, we all know that Mike loves that sub... I mean, who doesn't? But that would mean that he would have had to buy about 57 sandwiches every day since his birth, and I just don't see how that could be possible since this place only opened up in 1978. I seriously doubt that they have even sold 1,000,000 Italian hoagies since then."

Michael has been known to purchase a second sandwich on days that he knows he will be working overtime, to "take the edge off" before a late supper. However, it has been found that the second sandwich is often of a different variety. McKinny continued, "If you think about it, even if you include that time he bought 60 Italian subs for the Buffalo/Dallas Superbowl back in 1994, we're still looking at six, maybe seven thousand sandwiches max. Mike is still a long way off from the million mark. I don't think he totally comprehends just how big the number one million really is."

"In my own defense" says Pifney, "I was just using a common figure of speech. I don't actually believe that I have purchased one million Italian subs in my life, nor do I care what the exact number is. I was simply trying to generate some idle chat with the people that I see every morning in the deli, which frankly, I now regret doing. I don't see why everybody is making such a big deal out of this."

In his life, Pifney has a history of abusing figures of speech, exaggerating, or just flat out lying. After a 1996 snow related traffic jam, he was observed stating that "it took forever" to get from from his home in Califon to his destination in Dover, NJ, when it was in fact proven that his actual travel time took precisely 4 hours and 17 minutes. Interestingly, he made the unbelievable claim in the very delicatessen where he purchased the alleged million Italian subs.

McKinny concluded, "He really has got to get a grip on reality. One million sandwiches over a span of 24 years, accounting for inflation and price fluctuation, that would cost like, $3,329,401.97. There's no way Mike's made that kind of money with that crappy job he's got, and even if he did, I'm sure he's not stupid enough to blow it all on some lousy deli meat and vinegar, I don't care how delicious it is. There are other more important aspects to life than sandwiches."

For the record, Pifney's hoagie buying habits have spanned several generations and Pifney has purchased similar sub sandwiches at other delicatessens accross the country, including 17 different venues in the tri-state area alone, while the Califon Deli Meats #8 remains his hoagie of choice. However, the exact historical amount of sandwiches purchased by Pifney remains unknown.