Where Have the Missing Socks Gone??

Dear Answer Man Dan,

Got a question for you about socks. When I was a kid sometimes I used to lose one sock while I was sleeping, so I would wake up wearing only one. But the really weird thing was, the other sock was never caught in the sheets, or on the floor, or anything. It just disappeared. Where did it go? Does that have anything to do with the place where all those single socks from the dryer go? And where exactly is this benevolent little sock heaven located, anyway??

(You would not believe how long I have wondered about this.)

Dear Person who has lost a sock, (motto- The Sock is out there....)

Your question is one we have wondered for a long time, but were never motivated to answer it before.

First, I have a theory on where the sock goes when you wash them. I firmly believe that the socks sneak away one at a time, so you don't notice...then, when another one joins the first, they run away and elope together.

A well known expert in the field suggested that they are sucked in to the lint drawer...which acts like sort of a sock blender; they are ground up, tinted blue, and then spit back out at odd times...like when your jeans are in there. (Did you ever wonder where that lint in the pocket of your jeans comes from? Or belly button lint?)

Or, perhaps socks are mating in the washing machine (what with the hot water and bubbles....it's like a jaccuzzi...) and by the time you take them out of the dryer...another sock has been created!! Yes, your socks are multiplying!

Another escape route would be through the pipe that leads to outside your house, where the steam is let out. Presumably, the socks are shot out of the pipe, to be picked up by birds and squirrels as clothing. (At least they're clean by the time they get to the animals.)

In the case of your bed, they are hiding outside of the window, one the ledge, sneaking away one at a time so they can form a "sock rope ladder", so that eventually, all of them could get away.

However, a real answer must be obtained. I called the Maytag company (come on, they have nothing else to do there, I BET they know the answer), but the people there were of little help. The man just laughed when I asked, and told me that he always wondered that too. BIG help.

Upon searching the Internet, I found both the "Lost Sock Foundation" (complete with pictures of the socks, dates they were discovered missing, and what they look like now) and the "Bureau of Missing Socks" (motto- "UFOs, the Lock Ness Monster and Ronald Reagan's Presidency are just speculation. It's proven fact that there are missing socks!!") Both organizations are convinced that there is some sort of "Sock Conspiracy", involving, get this, MORE THAN ONE DRYER!! Yes!! It seems that some people have discovered socks in their driers that didn't belong to them; that there seems a sort of a DRYER NETWORK. Through some type of perverted lint arrangement, our dryers are transporting our SOCKS and other small laundry items from one dryer to another. Apartment complexes and Laundromats seem to be the largest "central" receivers of these items. Too often, when using one of these facilities, people have collected their laundry and found "extra" items...like SOCKS!

What is the cause of this problem? These "experts" firmly believe that the socks have become downtrodden from being walked on all day long-- and are looking to escape to a better life. They call upon each and every one of us to be kinder to our socks, more gentle, use baby powder so our feet don't stink, match them properly right after laundering them, in general treat them as we want to be treated, in hopes that they will stay with us for a long time.

P.S. Here is a story about socks I felt you all might enjoy. This is from the Missing Socks Database- but it's a success story.

SOCK MATCH LEADS TO CALIFORNIA HITCHING Jonathan Colby of Tuluca Lake, California, got more than foot warmer for Xmas when he listed a white, ribbed, sports sock purchased at the Broadway Department Store in our Missing Socks DataBase. A near perfect match was made with a single owned by Gloria Reynolds of West Hollywood. They decided to compare socks in person and it was love at first sight. Married on December 23rd in LA the couple say that they owe it all to the Bureau. (Note: Gloria found Jonathan's missing mate when she cleaned his apartment for the first time. He never looked in the bookcase.)