jewyfaceOG 2004

A self-proclaimed "ezabel virgin" who burst onto the scene in February 2004, Jordanna Valenti — known to everyone as Jewy — arrived with the energy of someone who'd been lurking for way too long and finally couldn't take it anymore. Her sisters had apparently been talking about her on the site, calling her a monkey, and she figured the best revenge was to show up and steal the spotlight. Within her first week she'd already written a reflection journal cataloging everything she'd learned: that sisters are just as annoying online as in person, that nobody likes papichulo, and that eZabel is an inescapable addiction. She wasn't wrong about any of it. Her writing style was pure mid-2000s AIM energy — "u," "2," "juz," and the signature drawn-out "jeeeeeeEEEEWWWWy" closing — and her comments were short, punchy, and almost always aimed at roasting someone she loved. She called forrestina "the most beautiful women in the world," defended her friend Fankie's honor while simultaneously clowning him, and compared herself to a sixth grader in high-water pants whose mom dressed them wrong. The color pink was her weakness and her identity — her AIM handle was pinkskittle111, and she openly admitted that pink caught her attention whether she wanted it to or not.

Jewy's eZabel life revolved around a tight crew. yodasucka was her constant sparring partner — morning car rides where she grabbed the rap mix CD, trading insults that were really just terms of endearment, and him calling her a loser while clearly adoring her. forrestina was the one who'd call out her Wendy's spending habits and then sing Whitney Houston to her in the same thread. fivezero set up jokes for her to finish, thatdarngirl invited her to bonfires with promises of dancing around fires, and ophelia offered to draw her as a pixie — calling her a "lil monkey munchkin" upon discovering she'd finally joined. She read voraciously for someone with only 73 comments, tearing through 126 forum threads and 83 journals, lurking in Musings and Macking and Music Talk. She attended ten events — go-karting, Warped Tour, apple picking, lan parties — basically saying yes to everything the community threw together. Her poll on day one was simply titled "jewy is," which tells you everything about her vibe: show up, name yourself the topic, see what happens.

eZabel Personality Type: ESFP — "The Pink Skittle." Jordanna was a burst of color in a community already full of loud personalities — somehow both the youngest-feeling member in the room and the one most comfortable being exactly herself. She came late, burned bright through one wild year of roasting friends and attending every event on the calendar, and left behind the unmistakable impression that eZabel was a little more fun with a munchkin in the mix.