moloOG 2004

A whirlwind that blew into eZabel in December 2004 and burned through the entire community in roughly two weeks, Morris arrived with a self-introduction that mentioned his country jazz fusion band Donkey Lungs, his love of long walks on the beach, and gospel TV marathons — and from that moment on, nobody could tell where the sarcasm ended and the sincerity began. He was a welder by trade who wrote poetry in his journals, a guy who could describe the nauseating corn smell of MAPP gas with vivid disgust in one entry and then pivot to an earnest, image-rich love poem about snowflakes and skylights in the next. His writing style was a stream-of-consciousness avalanche: no paragraph breaks, sudden topic shifts, and the word "YEAH!" deployed as a kind of personal exclamation point. He claimed to be an interior designer who painted Disney characters on his shower walls. He also claimed to look like Robin Williams. Both were delivered with the same deadpan confidence that made everything he said entertaining whether or not you believed a word of it.

The defining saga of molo's brief eZabel career was his very public romantic campaign, conducted almost entirely through journal entries, to win over either thatdarngirl (Lindsay) or tinser (Courtney) — he genuinely could not decide and even created a poll to let the community vote. He wrote Lindsay a poem, confessed his feelings for her in a journal about MAPP gas, then pivoted to Courtney when Lindsay showed insufficient interest, praising her hygiene and punctuality as girlfriend qualifications. He asked Courtney to go figure skating and to dinner at Terrace on the Park, wrote her a gloriously bizarre ode involving goat shears and bird pecks, and complimented her prosthetic leg in the same breath as proposing tsunami relief for Southeast Asia. rocksupastar was his co-conspirator and chief roaster throughout, telling him to take the flirting to the Macking forum and comparing him to The Aviator. malibu and juicymango cheered from the sidelines while fivezero offered counterpoint hot takes about Gary Busey and Danny Glover.

eZabel Personality Type: ENFP — "The Campaigner." Morris showed up late to the party and made sure everybody noticed. In just twelve days he started six threads, wrote a dozen journals, organized a snowman party, created a duck poll, proposed a charity concert, and publicly courted two women simultaneously through poetry and welding anecdotes. He was absurd, earnest, impossible to ignore, and gone almost as quickly as he appeared — a comet trail of bad love poems, Redskins trash talk, and the unshakable conviction that ducks are the funniest animal ever made.