too wordy?..explain
reading it, i dunno, i guess it didn't flow sometimes. some of the big words were piled up and it hindered the fluidity for me. otherwise, it's pretty good. i like writing that doesn't make sense all at once. it took a couple readings to grasp what was going on. is this perspective omniscient or narrative?
it bounces back & forth cause at times i'll like throw my own thoughts on the situation in, like narrative style - but i guess the best way to describe it would be omniscient