a male and a female are friends. sometimes these good friends hook-up, sometimes they do not. in this entry, gr8heights was wondering if there is a "stop" point from these friends turning the friendship into a relationship.
Yes that's what I'm getting at..thank you!
like a "we can't talk as much or hang out as much" point?
Yes, like that.
aww, you edited it! haha, it makes more sense now
and....i've never really been put in that situation or known people who have...so, now that i get it, i've got nothing insightful to say, haha
:o) It's all good.
yes you have. you've been in that position. i've seen it. i've chaperoned you, remember ... ?
hmm, i'll ez msg ya
Yeah you have.....didn't you do that to my brother?
I dont like getting involved in conversations like this I just like reading about it. However, if your in the truth and you spend that much time with a member of the opposite sex shouldnt it be with something long term in mind. I am down with having opposite sex friends, but if both are good lookin as Birds said, something will/may happen anyway. Also like in socal girls case if she hangs out with a good looking guy that is really hot and everyone thinks they are a couple who is going to be interested in her from a guys point of view, all the other guys are going to be thinking she has a real hot best friend and they talk and have fun, how can I compete with that.
Yes I do believe something should be set in time, or at least mentioned cause eventually one or both will meet someone they do like and someone will get hurt if the other is waiting for something to happen
the best comment EVER in this thread...
this is great and you do make valid points. thank you!
there is a problem with brothers not liking me having a guy as a best friend. thats insecurity to me. if he's too insecure to know that my friend and i are just friends its not worth my time because he's jumping the gun and not getting to know me.
take it if he's a little insecure, gets to know me, and realizes there's nothing going on between my friend and i, then thats a secure brother to me because he's not letting anything stand in the way of getting to know me and that rules in my book!
Exactly. There's no big rule that says because you are a girl, you have to have a girl best friend. Sometimes you just click better with guys, even though there isn't a romantic link there.
Well, is there nothing between you two??? You sure? Sometimes other guys are insecure but sometimes it's a good defense mechanism...no one wants to get hurt finding out later you actually were feelin your best. A guy backed up from me because I seemed too comfy with my guy friend and good thing cuz he was right.
One problem, your husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend SHOULD BE your best friend.
If you have a best friend of the opposite sex, thats a great place to start if your looking for someone, half the job is already done.
It has nothing to do with insecurity on my part, only thing is if I date/marry someone I want to be her best friend, I want the inside jokes, the old school stories. I wanna know her likes and dislikes, her favorite movies and songs. I dont want to have to start way behind some other guy who already knows these things.
I agree on that. My husband is by far, my absolute best friend, and vice versa.
But what if a girl has a guy best friend for YEARS, and then meets a random guy? She doesn't know yet if she's gonna marry him, or even date him. Does that mean that she automatically has to give up her current best friend because she could potentially have a relationship with the random guy?
Now, if a relationship were to develop between the girl and random guy, THEN I could forsee the guy best friend maybe taking second place to the new guy. Because you're right...a husband and wife should be best friends.
Of course, I have a couple different "best friends" outside of my husband. I wouldn't neccessarily tell them EVERYTHING I would tell my husband, but my "close friends" are typically my "best friends."
And I'm done rambling now, hahaha.
I am not saying you have to give up your best friends for your husband/wife. The original question was
"Apparently there's a deadline in which two friends of the opposite sex feel it is time to determine which way to go : stay friends or "get wit.""
I am saying if you have a best friend of the opposite sex you should discuss these things, even if you dont feel something for the person he might feel that way for you. Also being someone's best friend is a great start for a relationship, and you may say well your going to lose your friend that way if it doesnt work out, well odds are you will lose him/her anyway when one of you do meet someone, its just nature.
Let me pose this question, how would you feel if you were at a party or something with a guy your seeing and his best friend (a girl) is there and they are laughing and joking and talking about things you have no idea about making you feel left out, and BTW - Shes also hot. I know this, if a guy is my best friend i know there are serious feelings there, like Peter and Jesus, how much more so with someone of the opposite sex. Sometimes you you have to check yourself and make sure your not playing with yours or his emotions.
Oh absolutely....I'm not disagreeing with you at all. i was just trying to bring up a side point, and pose a "what if" scenario as well.
Personally, if that party scenario happened to me, no, I wouldn't like it at all. I've been in similar situations and it's no fun, you're right.
oh yes, i totally agree. i'm not saying that the one i marry isn't going to take over the best friend position. I never make my boyfriends feel left out or anything like that. they totally have my attention 110%. Never have i ever made them feel uncomfortable nor uncertain of my feelings.
I love this, what you're saying. Where have you been?? Good use of the "how much more so" lol you're right, I've learned this lesson recently. It takes self-awareness.
So I guess there needs to be discussion on this matter with him...and sort of "where are we going to go from here" and I guess it's not a DEADline because I'm thinking now if the friendship remains as is, there may be check points along the way...until the finish line where he finds someone, or I find someone or we find eachother...
and plus at first, they can't know all the inside jokes. it first has to be explained to them and then they'll know it all. but at first they're gonna feel weird.
LOL it's serious. we've never had feelings for each other. it would be incestuous. LOL my ex always looked at it this way: if we NEVER hooked up when we were young with horomones in FULL rage, even when we'd be drunk partying (we were both worldly for a while) then there was never a chance that we would ever hook up later in life.
I'm so not "typical" and i am very picky. jsut because he has looks doesn't mean he's "husband" material. I know what i want in a man and he doesn't fit what i am looking for. so it's all aobut him being the brother i never had
:) fully understood.
Yeah i think if you meet a girl and you like her then you owe it to yourself to find out more. If she seems like she is friendly with a guy and theres no intimacy and she seems friendly with you when you two speak/hang out, etc.. Then see but do so with a caution.
I was in this situation once and it seemed like a three-way race when i had it wrong and the particular woman liked only me but was sweet and shy. So there were other guys she was nice to but didn't like and wouldn't tell them to get lost, until, of course, she began dating.
So you never know, but remember there is a loss/hearbreak factor, because, "There's always another guy, that's already caught her eye. He's supposed to just be a friend, but he's been there when she cried." So you and your insticts may be right, but they may not...
True dat pap pap. No one ever thinks about the person that got hurt. She starts dating someone else and he sits home crying. Its like Duckie from Pretty in Pink he was always there for her, but she never thought of him like that and then she dates the other guy and he gets seriously hurt.
It's true none of us want to get hurt by taking the risk on someone we think is a friend but the truth is always the best course.
its the same with a female friend, not just male. she's seen you cry, she's been there for you and has seen you at your worst. so whether its male or female, there was always someone before you.
BUT that's the fun of a new romance. you get to start your own "inside jokes" sharing of frustrations, etc. but its something you build, something that doesn't come automatic.
it's all a gamble.
hmm, no...i take it that she's saying if two people are really good friends and see each other and talk to each other all the time, then they have to make a choice to cut back on that talking, or get together.
Oh, my bad. What you did was worse....got it.
value your opinion...not
Wow....guess we can't take a little harmless joking around? It's not good to take things so seriously.
Seriously Courtney...it was just a little harmless, innocent ribbing. Sorry if you took it as otherwise, but don't get worked up over it.
I'd certainly not discuss that whole issue out in the open...hahaha....that would be silly.
No, that would be entertaining! I think it SHOULD be out in the open, because my imagination is SPEEDING! I always knew Tinser was a salty dog! A wreckless heart breaker! Bahaha!
No....I'm not like that. I understand the fascination, but I have to leave your imagination to go crazy. Sorry for the disappointment.