i got a wood spoon broken on me as well as a few plastic ones

You have at least six male relatives named Tony, Frankie, Joey, Mikey, or Louie. You have relatives who aren't really your relatives. You have relatives you don't speak to. <- oh yes definitely...

I have the relatives that dont talk for years except at funerals, when they're fighting over who-gets-what.

i want the cold dead body! NO I want the cold dead body! ok, you take it, but I want his shoes!