Your Funniest Joke...
by Come ON Post 'em... The great joke thread ever shall begin... go..
AI Summary
67 Comments
Yay, I'm gonna resurrect an older thread.
A woman shopping at her local supermarket selected a quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of Romaine lettuce, a 2-lb can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a shabby drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
The drunk said, "You must be single." The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by his intuition, looked at her six items on the belt.
Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections, she
responded, "Well, as a matter of fact, you're absolutely correct, but how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly"
here's a funny one!
tim: hey bob, where are you from?
bob: I'M FROM PEN-SUL-VAAANEYA, DUYEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
That's not funny, that's prejudice. Don't be hating on PA.
i'm not, i'm really not, it's just funny. you can't deny that
you wanna bet?? haha. alright, it was mildly amusing.
Ha Ha hahahhahahahaha
Why are New Yorkers always depressed?
The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
dude that was laaaaaame
you come to NJ every chance you get, you know you'll never see a hill or mountain that's not a garbage dump otherwise
OH WOW I TOLD YOU
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
It's official, I am afraid to be your friend now. It might not be safe for y'all to be playing manhunt with him anymore. He might be getting you guys ready for a bloodbath.
Lol. That was really funny.
i've heard this one before.
A man goes to the doctor and says: "Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom." The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him. The man asks, "Is it serious, doctor?" and the doctor replies, "I'm sorry to tell you but this is just the tip of the iceberg."
haha that made me laugh
That was a cute and corny joke. Though it makes me wonder how the head of iceberg lettuce arrived at its destination in the first place.
why do you feel the need to be so disgusting??
shoysh, insolent waif. tis a fair question.
by my trough! i have seen the fair servant girl be more noble in times past!
you dare speak ill of such a first rate woman?! toxi tis the fairest maiden this side of the toms river! mannered slave girls do not concern me, sir hill. you know not of true fairness. though at times obnoxious, toxi is a maiden of the highest order.
Weird. Are you two going to have a joust now?
skip that. i'll just run him thru with my foil.
hahaha, i love midevil talk
well whatever floats your boat, but the jousting thing was over the line
HEY in medieval times knights jousted in addition to talking funny. THAT'S WHAT I WAS MEANING!!! I am the innocent one here. You are the one with the sick mind. Don't label me just cuz I asked how the head of lettuce got stuck.
I GOT A MEDIEVAL JOKE!!
Two knights are walking through the forest. They come upon a woman and the first knight says: Good day fair maiden, have you seen a knight with a white mare, dragon shield and black cloaks?
To which the maiden says, No good sir i have not.
Thank you and go in peace maiden of the forest.
The two knights continue and come upon a blacksmith and again the first knight asks, Good day sir blacksmith, have you seen a knight with a white mare, dragon shield and black cloaks?
To which the blacksmith says, no good sir i have not.
then the two knights proceed farther until the first knight says, WHERE THE HELL IS FRANK?
I don't think I get it..
i get it. he he, i giggle like little russian school girl tickled by leprachun
I don't get it either, and I read it 3 times.
Hahaha...I'm sorry, it amused me so much that I couldn't help myself.
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
ohhhhhh maan
zabel you're a sick puppy
but that was funny
that is not funny that is horrible!~!!!!
my sister told me once that there was a kid in her school who's lips were so big, they called him Apoca-lips..hahaha..I laughed for a while about that
you have a sister??
dan wants to go out with her
hah she's the same age as jewy
ugh a less mature version of bryan....never mind
who's jewy?
this yamika wearing, kinish eating bum who has lived in the valenti house for years..nobody knows where the jew came from, they just accept it's presence and treat him as part of the familly
does he make killer bagels?
yes actually, he does make killer bagels...besides being a bum, he's aso a scientist - an experiment involving a blueberry bagel and alligator DNA went extremely wrong, creating a carniverous killer bagel...ate 3 kids last summer
wow... hm.. i would MUCH rather this story be true then the real jewy i must live with...
hmm perhaps the real jew is tim's brother
our little sister Jordanna
The geography of a woman:
Between the ages of 18 and 21, a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful, with bush land around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21 and 30, a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade, especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30 and 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between the ages of 35 and 40, a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war, but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40 and 50, she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between the ages of 50 and 60, she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet, and her borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.
Between the ages of 60 and 70, a woman is like England or Mongolia. She has a glorious and all conquering past, but alas, no future.
After 70, they become like Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where she is, but no one wants to go there.
Q: What do you call a med student who graduated in the bottem of his class?
A: Doctor
That is so true. You can barely pass your classes in any medical curriculum and as long as you get a passing score on your licensure exams...you are good to go. Ha. Comforting isn't it?
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
horrible - and hilarious!
is your refridgerator running? Because if it is it probably runs a lot like you... very homosexually."
ahhhhhh hahahahahah, I love that show!
Friend of Mr. Pewterschmit: Uh, did anyone tell your son-in-law that he's not supposed to drink the wine while wine tasting?
Peter Griffin: Has anyone one seen Peter Griffin? He said he'd give me a hundred bucks if I took off all my clothes offfff.
Doctor: Well Rudolph, we finally figured out what makes your nose red.
Rudolph: Is it pixie dust? Or, or leprechaun tails?
Doctor: No, its a tumor.
Rudolph: You mean, like a magical christmas tumor?
Doctor: No... a malignent tumor. The base of which is lodged deep within your brain.
Rudolph: Oh. Like a happy special...
Doctor: You're going to die.
Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's, that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!
My favorite joke has a visual gag so i'll just have to show you...
Two guys walk into a bar
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You'd think the second one would have ducked.
Why did the girl fall of the swing??
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she had no arms...
and here begins the lame joke thread
that's not funny, thats just... just awful!