Anxiety

It seems that all my journals of late have contained negative connotations - I hope that doesn't MEAN anything. To keep precedent, however, this journal is quite negative also. I mention all this at the outset because I consider myself a mildly positive person, mostly amenable, and rarely genuinely upset. With that preamble aside, I need to express that for the past 2 days I have been genuinely upset. It began yesterday morning, when I'd planned to take the day off and go out in service. I needed to make up a few hours that I'd missed from aux pioneering - the first thing that upset me: 1)Coming up short on hours. Then when I awoke I found some snow-sleet-ice concoction fresh on the pavement, and decided that not only would I slide down the hill my house is on to get to the service meeting, but that there probably wouldn't be anyone at the meeting anyway. So I went back to sleep and finally climbed out of bed at around 11am. At this point, the morning was fine, extra sleep, and I had a positive outlook about making up only 3 lost hours of service time. I showered and changed, chatted on the phone with my boyfriend for a few minutes about our plans that night, then put on my boots and headed out. I'll admit, I was annoyed to have to scrape the ice off my car, but I didn't let the fact that my hands were freezing in my ice-soaked gloves really get to me. I sped off to the service group feeling optimistic. I realized shortly that that optimism was blind, and incredibly misplaced. The brother that lead the group was really sweet; he called around trying to find someone for me to go out with. Normally, I would've been overjoyed by someone doing all that work for me, but it really was WORK. No one wanted to go out because of all the slush, and after about 10 minutes of phone calls, I didn't want to go out either. Finally, we met another sister and did some calls for about 2 hours (things were looking up!) The last call was more of a study, so I stepped out of the car into a slight rain, and thought nothing of it, as we'd probably be inside a warm house a few seconds later. The study was with a 14-year-old girl who no only didn't invite us in, but also wouldn't let us leave. She kept relating asinine adolescent stories and was ostensibly not very interested in learning about the Bible. We walked away a little frustrated, and certainly very cold and wet. Service ended and I began my trek to my boyfriend's house, about an hour away in Bethlehem, PA. I drove through Hackettstown in light traffic, that pleased me. I passed "Rock Supastar's" house and beeped, I coveted a candy shop in Washington, and was started to become really excited at the prospect of seeing my boyfriend in only abou t 45 minutes. I was heading up the hill on 57 past the old Acme, and my car sputtered a little, so I let off the gas and slowly accelerated again, but my efforts were fruitless-my "Service Engine Soon" light blinked on, an orange reminder of the fact that when it rains it pours. I called my boyfriend, holding back tears of frustration, and told him that I wouldn't be coming. The sweet man that he is, he offered to come out to my house. I accepted, and slowly drove the home, crying the whole way. I thought about all the things that could go wrong: 1)Loss of service time; 2)NO money to fix my car; 3)No money to get a new car; 4) No way to earn extra money for either of those things, as taking more time to work would cut into my service time, cycling back to #1. What to do? Work this morning was no solice. "The Management" is reorganizing the office, an as of this moment, they don't know where they're going to seat me. I've already expressed my views of employment, but today I was less-than easy to work with on anything. The women that sit around me wouldn't stop talking and complaining for about 2 hours. I decided to go upstairs, but one person actually followed me because she wanted to talk. I had to just walk away. I think the only term to describe my feelings is "Anxiety". I don't know what's going to happen, how I'm going to fix all the things that are wrong right now, and that makes me very anxious. I'm playing the "Ride it out and see what happens" card right now. Hopefully everything will become managable by the end of the day. :(