Mole D. Kelly

Well folks, I finally went and did it. That's right! Yesterday, I took a trip to the dermatologist and had two rather large moles lopped off of my body. It all started at birth, when I began developing these things, but I guess the interesting part of my story started a month ago, when I had made an appointment at the dermatology office to have my moles checked out. The doctor “discovered” that my back is covered with moles (I of course already knew this but I decided to play along).

If you haven’t seen me without a shirt on, aside from my rippling muscular frame, you will notice many little brownish-pigmented dots on my back and chest. I told the doctor that I think that they are the “soul man” inside me trying to get out, but she told me that they are really just small hereditary growths on the human skin, usually slightly raised and dark. In other words…moles. So much for MY theory. Although none of mine are dangerous, they do have the potential to be cancerous.

Anywhoo, I decided to have a few of them removed, because let’s face it, they’re not contributing to my rhythm, dancing ability, vertical leap, or singing voice, and man, some of them are like extra APPENDAGES. They’re huge! So aside from being useless, extremely gross, and potential cancer time bombs, they’re rather bulky. The doctor informed me that my insurance would only cover 1 appointment per month, and 2 mole removals per appointment (a rate at which I will be completely de-molified by July 2041).

When I got to the dermatology office yesterday, the process was really quite simple. She injected the moles with Novocain, waited a few minutes, and severed them right off (severed is such a deliciously evil word isn't it?)! It was kind of strange watching somebody cut off a piece of my own flesh right in front of my eyes, and yet strangely satisfying to see that little bugger go. So she took them, placed them in containers with some preserving fluid in the bottom. And sent them on their way to the lab to be tested (I wanted to keep them, but they had to go). What a day!

A Final Thought

After all of this excitement, I got to thinking, what exactly makes a mole “dangerous?” Skin cancer IS the most common type of cancer, although also the most curable. I found out a few things to watch out for: The size of the mole, the color, and asymmetry. (For more info check out this site)

So the moral of this story I guess, is to watch out. Because if your not careful, you could end up dead. The end.