Do YOU have a case of Anthrax poisoning?!
by In these times of distrust and dimensia, war, halfbreeds, heathens with a touch of hypochondriac...everyone thinks that they have been poisoned with Anthrax. Cases are springing up all over the place, but is it paranoia (that's one of my new favorite words) or is it REAL?
Symptoms, I've heard, start with a slight cold, and then 7 days later, you suddenly get really sick and it's incurable by then, and you die. Curing it is SIMPLE, it's just knowing whether you have it or not. The Remedy: simple, it's Penisilin (does anyone know how to spell that?)
Because paranoia sets in people everywhere think they have it. Heck, I'm starting to think I've been mustard gassed everytime I smell something funny...but it usually turns out to be just catching wiffs of bad breath, or someone's rank booty. What about you? Do you think you have caught some of that "anthrax"? Have you caught a cold lately? Has your nose run a little more today than it did yesterday?! Could it be ANTHRAX!? Have YOU handled any mail, or anything that was in a mail room, or even looked at mail at all!? WATCH OUT! You might be dying! Panic first, then make a mad dash to your doctor, ONE AND ALL, to see if YOU have a case of anthrax. "Do you think that's baby powder you're using? hmph." Hysteria begins Nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Source of my nonsense:
How true is this first story we read at The Onion News!? Man, this story is LAME.
Now that I've caused Hysteria, here's some facts about Anthrax
AI Summary
35 Comments
hehe. penisilin.
penuitza!
way to bring on the paranoia... greaaaaat!
ive been sick since monday night....UT OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
is a symptom that your lip swells up?! cuz fer some reason my lip is swollen and i dont know whyyyyyy! i woke up like that!! AHHHHHHHHHH!
All I hope for is the mail with all that powder I opened today isnt Anthrax...How does it look exactly?
it looks like powder...
we are doing speeches in my english class, and this one kid did his on anthrax. he did a really good job, he also mentioned that in that case in washington, 22 people tested positive for anthrax
GUYS, I THINK I HAVE ANTRAX, I'M GONNA DIE!!! no wait, nevermind, it's just a cold. BUT-there is an antibiotic you can take for it too. One of the hospitals here had a small case of it, now everyone is asking for a prescrition for this antibiotic. I forget the name of it. It's out of control!!
it's called Cipro
Yah! that's it! good one Ian. All i could remember is that it started with a C. i'm gonna get a alot of that stuff and sell it, i'll be a millionaire. haha, right. anyone need any oxycotin?? hehehe(does ANYONE know what i'm talking about there??)
oxycotin... isn't that a birth control pill?? haha
HAHA, NO. Birth control is orthotryclycin. excuse my spelling, i'm not good at spelling medicines.
Doesnt birth control help with Acne??
some, but others cause worse, and make you gain weight.
A single sister in the congregation went to grab her bag for service and these pills fell out (they were in that circle case thing) and the brothers looked at her and they ended up talking to her, she explained to them that they were for her Acne, cause she did have really bad Acne, so they followed up on that and confirmed that it was good for Acne...I never heard about it causeing to gain weight...man, why do girls take those things?
not ALL of them do, SOME of them make you gain weight.
dude, do you really need to ask why girls take those things? hahaha... let's just say that most married couples don't want 15 kids, and if they're not married, it might just make things a LOT easier on them, for whatever reason.
Actually, i think it does help with acne. but alot of women take it not only for birth control, but to help relieve their cramps. I have friends that take it just so they don't have all the cramps every month.
That was seriuosly one of the funnier comments i've heard in my lifetime..
why do girls take birth control pills.. haha that was funny..
i mean..GFS i dont' know what you meant.. but it sure was dang funny
Now that I think about...it does sound pretty retarded of me why they use them...hello BIRTH CONTROL pills, I was meaning for all those who arent having sex, why do they use them...I was being sarcastic
Oxycontin...sure, it's the latest street drug. Teenage hoodlums are robbing drug stores for them like crazy. They get something like 100 bucks a pill. It was on 60 minutes, I forget what it's really used for. And as far as birth control for prudes, I'd like to see you guys deal with cramps and see how readily you'd pop a magical pill. :)
Cramps, I get cramps too, when I eat too fast and go for a swim, I never feel like I need a pill for that. But I see your point on why you girls use them.
hey relax !
It seams like everyone wants to be a statistic. I heard there were so many false cases, that they are actually getting in the way for actually dealing with the serious cases.
HAHAHA, I love the Onion:
Dinty Moore Breaks Long Silence On Terrorism With Full-Page Ad
NEW YORK— Nearly two weeks after the attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon, the makers of Dinty Moore beef stew finally weighed in on the tragedy Monday with a full-page ad in USA Today. "We at Dinty Moore extend our deepest sympathies to all who have been affected by the terrible events of Sept. 11, 2001," read the ad, which pictured a can of Dinty Moore beef stew at the bottom of the page. "The entire Dinty Moore family is outraged by this heinous crime and stands firmly behind our leaders." Dinty Moore joins Knoche Heating & Cooling and Tri-State Jacuzzi in condemning terrorism.
uh, whoops, I forgot a backslash after the title. oh well, hmm, 'modifiable news comments' anyone?
"Hmm. Does this coffee taste a little anthraxy to you?" --the onion, hahahahahahahahaahhahaha ahhhhhhhhhhhh ahahahaha
lol sooo funny
guys i forgot to tell you. last friday i was drying my hair, everything was normal but when i was done my stomach started hurting REALLY bad. I thought i was going to Puke. then i started getting really really hot, i was sweating bullets, then i started to dry heave. it was horrible. then when i thought it wouldn't get worse i passed out. my mom layed me down on the bathroom floor hoping that that would cool me off cus i was sweating so badly. 25 minutes later, i was fine. I THINK I HAVE ANTHRAX!!!. ok so i don't. The nurse here at work had the same thing the next sunday but she had it all day. SHOOOOEEEEEWEEE!!! :)
mwa ha ha... i know, i know, this is s'posed to be a serious, life-and-country-endangering issue. but my my, isn't it hilarious.
thank you for the very informative link to symptoms of anthrax.. now i know i might possibly not have it since i dont have a bump on my skin like a mosquito bite with dead skin in the middle..or what ever it said..but ill be on the look out for one..